Here is a collection of Amazon.com bible reviews. Who knew bible reviews could be so funny?

Here are a few as a sample:

Frankly, I was disappointed. I expected more from God. Definitely not his best work.

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It’s a great starter book. After which, by the time you’re around 12, I recommend some Mark Twain, working your way up to Milton at around 17, and then never looking back, except to read the Book of James to your war mongering Christian friends.

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I give this two stars instead of one simply for the historical importance of The Bible, which is the most compelling reason I can think of for reading it. It won’t help you to understand Christians particularly, as they haven’t read it. It won’t entertain you particularly, and will at times bore you to unconsciousness. It won’t lift your morality as such, as most of the “heroes” are fairly immoral/amoral which befits the fact that they worship an immoral/amoral deity.

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A supernatural thriller to the core, the monster in this book will thrill and chill you! A demonic entity named Yahweh sets humanity up with the perfect trap: the Tree of Life. Knowing they’ll eat the otherwise purposeless fruit, he slaps them with a generational curse that binds them to his malevolent will! What follows is the most twisted tale of evil ever written! Yahweh, egotistical and ragingly jealous, uses those under his control to rape and pillage cultures that don’t worship him. Men, women and animals alike were slain in these bloodthirsty raids. The only hope you had was being a virgin woman whom Yahweh encourages to be conquested [Deuteronomy 21:10-13], [Deuteronomy 20:13-16].

If you have a hard time reading about cruel animal and human sacrifices, perverted sexual references and the murder and abuse of children I suggest not picking this up. This is a true tale of horror and our villian is far from tactful! However, Yahweh’s not a transparent, homocidal manaic. To be so would be far too predictable and I commend the author on his skillful character development. What makes Yahweh so fiendish is that he commits his violent acts under the veneer of love! To fool humanity futher he sent down a hippy version of himself and later set that person up to die, quenching his bloodlust once again. But, that’s not where the horror ends! I hate to give away the ending but it’s far too devious to go unmentioned! In the end his cult followers will be sucked into an alternative dimension where they will toil and praise his ego to neverending extents. Those who choose not to accept his conditional, unconditional love will find themselves in a sadistic torture pit of his making.

It’s interesting how different people can look at the same book so differently. Even in my own life, I have swung from breathless reverence to amusement to complete disgust, depending on the story.

What’s your review of the Bible?