I really don’t like Lennon’s Imagine. I know that everybody is reacting to the way that Ce Lo Green changed one of the lyrics from “And no religion too” to “And all religion’s true.” Stephen Prothero tells us that “Atheists are outraged that Green is messing with what they see as an anthem for their cause …”

Well, some of us, maybe. Honestly, I’d be more upset if Green altered one of Lennon’s good songs. Albert Goldman, one of Lennon’s biographers, commented: “Imagine suffers from a piano accompaniment as monotonous as a student in a practice room and a vocal delivery with a hook – shoulder turn as feeble as a hymn sung in a Quaker Parlor.” Not much to add.

Hemant quips that Green is, ” … the same guy who sang “Imagine no possessions” while wearing a fur coat and sporting gaudy gold jewelry…”

According to legend, Yoko had a separate room to house all her mink coats, so Green isn’t straying too far from his source material there.

And I can’t get too upset about the phrase “and all religion’s true.” I know that Green was just trying to dodge a bullet there – and he ended up dodging into a different bullet – but it suits a kind of attitude that is common in America. There is the idea that all religions have at their core the same essential truth.

Actually, this is an old, old idea. In the west it dates back at least as far as 3rd century Rome and the philosopher Plotinus. It shows up in India as well, but I’m not sure of the dating. The idea was that all of the incredibly varied Gods and rituals of India and the Mediterranean would – when properly understood – lead one to experience the one godhead. I guess that one natural response to extreme religious diversity is to assume that most of the varied religion are really just different trappings for the same thing.

Of course, this doesn’t sit well with the people who think those trappings are important. The early Christians did not much care for Plotinus, and modern conservative Christians don’t like hearing that “all religion’s true.” If you think about it, if you say that all religion is true on some basic level, then you’re also saying that all religion is false on every other level. And that’s a message I can get behind.

Being Christmas, I thought it would be fun to do a song about Jesus, but being TV, I knew it would have to be gentle. The idea was to compare him to Woody Allen (short, Jewish, philosophical, a bit hesitant), and expand into redefining his other alleged attributes using modern, popular-culture terminology.

It’s not a particularly original idea, I admit, but it’s quite cute. It’s certainly not very contentious, but even so, compliance people and producers and lawyers all checked my lyrics long before the cameras rolled. As always with these bespoke writing jobs, I was really stressed for about 3 days, and almost chucked it in the bin 5 times, and freaked out that it wasn’t funny and all that boring shit that people like me go through when we’re lucky enough to have with a big audience with high expectations. And if I’m honest, it ain’t a world-changing bit of comedy. Regardless…

And then someone got nervous and sent the tape to ITV’s director of television, Peter Fincham.

And Peter Fincham demanded that I be cut from the show.

He did this because he’s scared of the ranty, shit-stirring, right-wing press, and of the small minority of Brits who believe they have a right to go through life protected from anything that challenges them in any way.

Yesterday I wrote a big rant about comedy and risk and conservatism; about the fact that my joke has no victim; about sacredness (oh God, not again!) and about the importance of laughing at dumb but pervasive ideas. But I trashed it because it’s boring and takes it all too seriously. It’s hardly the end of the world.

But I have to admit I’m really fucking disappointed.

It’s 2011. The appropriate reaction to people who think Jesus is a supernatural being is mild embarrassment, sighing tolerance and patient education.

And anger when they’re being bigots.

Oh, and satire. There’s always satire.

So here’s the clip of “Woody Allen Jesus” that was not aired on The Jonatan Ross Show. Enjoy, and have a happy solstice-time holiday celebration.

….

Let me reread that statement … nope, still sounds completely bonkers.

Anyway, they’re called Back to Lovecraft. Via SF Signal, here’s an interview:

I don’t want to rain on anybody’s parade, but even Lovecraft didn’t like Lovecraft’s poetry. Later in life he admitted that it was all pretty bad.

The animation in this is NSFW.

Via Dangerous Minds, where Shernoff comments:

I find it terrifying that every Republican candidate for President not only believes that Jesus will return to earth in their lifetime, but that the ensuing destruction will be a good thing. They’re just so confident that they will be raptured while every person who has not let Jesus into their life will burn in the eternal flames of hell….. We have to mock these cretins until they are embarrassed to leave their houses. It is our patriotic duty as Americans.

In addition to Christian-themed music, the stores also have an odd array of non-Christian songs (in fact, some songs used are by nature not conservative or Christian at all). This fact first struck me as I was stocking merchandise and immediately recognized the butchered version of “Imagine” that suddenly began playing over the loudspeakers. “Imagine”? “Imagine no religion”? When I finished my task and returned to my department I asked another employee about the song–how could this store be playing that song (as happy as I was to hear it and for the respite from “Awesome God”)? I was confronted by a very defensive fellow worker who explained to me that “Imagine” is a Christian song and that John Lennon and the Beatles were all Christians.

Wait, weren’t the Beatles still the antichrist just a few years ago?

Anyway, I think this means that Lady Gaga will be Christian muzak for our children’s generation.

The gay overtones of this got the attention of Westboro Baptist Church. Spinner quotes their website (which I don’t link to):

“The entertainment industry is a microcosm of the people in this doomed nation: hard-hearted, hell-bound, and hedonistic,” leader Fred Phelps wrote on the church’s website. “These people have a platform and should be using it to encourage obedience to God; instead they teach every person who will listen all things contrary to him: fornication, adultery, idolatry, fags.”

Naturally, Westboro shows up to picket a concert. But as they brought out their picket signs, a truck pulling a parade float drives up. On the float were the Foo Fighters, dressed in the hillbilly outfits from the “Hot Buns” video, singing a parody country song “Keep it Clean.”

Click here to view the embedded video.

I think I see a new American sport in the making: baiting Westboro. Provoking them into doing their usual bit, them making them the butt of the joke.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Merciful Moloch, that hurt. Anybody want to test their autotune skills on this?

Via American Jesus, who I’ll forgive … eventually.

Click here to view the embedded video.

It’s like a car wreck. You HAVE to pay attention.

Click here to view the embedded video.

(via American Jesus, who probably wants to be the Canadian Jesus after this)

Eclectic Method – The Apocamix from Eclectic Method on Vimeo.