Doris Rosado watches her teenage daughters, Ninette and Kiara Mongrut, get the numbers “666” tattooed on their wrists, beaming with pride. The number typically conjures up biblical symbolism tied to the Antichrist, but this St. Catharines, Ont., family belongs to a obscure Christian sect for which “666” is a positive symbol of their group’s messianic leader.

“They wanted to do it,” Ms. Rosado, 45, said at the St. Catharines tattoo parlour where her daughters were inked. “But now it’s more important because we’re counting down… I’m so proud.”

For this family, and other members of Growing in Grace International, these tattoos are a way of demonstrating their faith as true believers of Jose de Luis de Jesus — who they fervently believe is the second coming of Jesus Christ — before a day of reckoning they believe will wipe out most of humanity.

The group, which they say has branches in five Canadian cities and members in more than 130 countries, believes that on June 30 (or July 1 across the international dateline), their Texas-based leader and his followers will be transformed, said Alex Poessy, the group’s bishop in Canada.

Apparently Mr. de Jesus is located in Texas, but there is a small following in Canada. I don’t imagine there a too many things that cross cultures like that. Anyway, most of Mr. de Jesus’ prophecies sound similar to Weinland’s: collapse of governments, bankruptcy of the monetary system, etc. The transformation of his followers is an interesting twist, and it seems to be inspired by Marvel Comics rather than the Bible:

But Mr. de Jesus also predicts that the “transformation” will endow him, and his loyal followers, with superpowers, such as the ability to fly and walk through walls, said Axel Cooley, the bishop’s daughter.

“[We can] run and not get tired. Go through fire and not get burned…. I could be talking to you right now, and then I could go through that wall. So, you’ll know there is a difference,” Cooley said.

For the most part it’s a standard “multiple worlds” hypothesis story, where every decision you make is made in a different way by an alternate you in another dimension. We’re all familiar with that sci-fi plot device, right?

That’s when it gets weird:

Welcome to the Infinite You.

Quantum Jumping is a visualization process where you use your mind to ‘jump’ into parallel dimensions, and gain creativity, knowledge, wisdom, skills and inspiration from alternate versions of yourself.

This happens through a phenomenon known as “thought transference.” You see, although the solidity of our world seems indisputable, Quantum Theory suggests that our physical reality is nothing but a very elaborate mirage. A super-hologram of information and energy. A Matrix.

From there we get New Thought taken to an extreme. It’s not just that the “law of attraction” will make your thoughts become reality. Instead, reality itself is nothing more than thought: “the substance of the universe, of your reality, may be nothing more than consciousness or thought.”

You can pretty much fill in the blanks from there. By using these special mental techniques, you can be richer, happier, healthier, etc.

“Sweet Home Alabama” being played on two solid-state Tesla coils:

“He loves pizza too, but then he dumps the box as soon as he’s done with it.”

Sometimes I think the whole “wait till marriage” movement is just a contest to find the most condescending metaphor for young women possible.

Swiped from Friendly Atheist.

Truly a Christian Nightmare.

There have been a lot of reaction to this. Some of the better ones I’ve found:

Rev. Wil Gaffney picks apart some of the claims made by Messer.

13. The notion that there is such a thing as a “king chromosome” is a fiction, as is the claim that it is kohenic, that is priestly; the Israelite and Judean monarchs — there were queens as well — were not priests.
14. The man’s articulation of what “God wants,” is to say the least unsubstantiated outside that particular setting.
15. The man never says how he knows that none of Long’s ancestors or relatives has ever seen a Torah scroll.
16. While there are some traditional reflections on the human body — including DNA and chromosomes — in the mystical Kabbalistic tradition, the speaker is crafting a verbal montage without reference to the classical texts or their theologies.

Anthea Butler at Religion Dispatches has been watching Long for awhile:

I wish I could say I was surprised by Long’s latest antics, but I’m not. Actually, I am surprised he stayed away from the church this long. After declaring in December that he was taking a hiatus to work on the problems in his marriage, Long has returned with a new lacefront and a defiant attitude. Having a fake rabbi declare him “King” of a fading, dying mega-church is a joke, but what is not are the deluded New Birth Members cheering him on.

Clearly they have drunk the “Kool Aid” and I don’t use that term lightly. I’ve believed since my trip to New Birth back in 2010, when Long promised to fight his civil case, that New Birth was a cult-like organization. Long’s hold over his congregation reminds me of Jim Jones. That may sound harsh, but Jim Jones slept with his members too, before leading the People’s Temple into the jungles of Guyana.

Messer is sometimes called a Messianic Rabbi, but he’s part of the “Hebrew Roots” movement, which other Messianic Rabbi do not accept. Apparently, this is all just part of Messer’s shtick. From Bartholomew’s Notes:

This is not the first time Messer and his scroll have come to the rescue of a beleaguered evangelist; in 2007 Tampa Bay Online reported from Randy White’s Without Walls International Church, following White’s split from church co-founder Paula White:

[Randy] White preached for a few minutes before turning over the pulpit to Ralph Messer, a Messianic rabbi from Denver who teaches about the Hebrew roots of the Christian faith.
Messer preached about the Torah and Jewish entrepreneurship and spoke again at the 11 a.m. service, where he led the congregation in a prayer that ended emotionally for White.

The Torah that Messer presented is apparently linked to Rabbi Menachem Youlus. According to the Grey Lady, Youlus has recently confessed to fraud:

For years Rabbi Menachem Youlus, a self-described “Jewish Indiana Jones,” received plaudits from those captivated by his stories of traveling to Eastern Europe and beyond to search for historic Torahs that were lost or hidden during the Holocaust.

But on Thursday, Rabbi Youlus stood inside the federal courthouse in Manhattan and confessed that he had made up those tales of daring.

“Between 2004 and 2010, I falsely represented that I had personally obtained vintage Torah scrolls — in particular ways, in particular locations — in Europe and Israel,” he told Judge Colleen McMahon of Federal District Court. “I know what I did was wrong, and I deeply regret my conduct.”

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I had hoped that this would be an online affair, but apparently you have to pay $10 just to see this thing. I suspect that it’s designed to help you reach the verdict,
“Yes, I am possessed by a minor demon!” At that point, Larson will have a line of products and help sessions designed to let you bind the demon and free yourself – all at an affordable price, sorry no credit, but guaranteed to work because you have no chance of proving anything in court.

Via Dangerous Minds

If I had any doubts, The American Jesus has just killed them with a post about “Junior Christian Science Bible Lesson Program” a public-access show from the late eighties produced by David Hart. Hart created the show to spread the good news of Christian Science, and what better way to spread the word of Mary Baker Eddy than with singing, dancing alien puppets?

No, wait, it gets better … or worse … probably both. After twenty something years, Hart is back with the NEW JCSBLP:

[The video promptly got marked as private. Thin skin? Oh well ...]

On the other hand, they’re both mythical creatures — so I guess this is perfectly appropriate.

Latest indications are this relatively small comet has broken into even smaller, even less significant, chunks of dust and ice. This trail of piffling particles will remain on the same path as the original comet, completing its unexceptional swing through the inner solar system this fall.

This means that all the panic and godawful singing were a waste of time … OR DOES IT!!?!?!

io9 has been following some truly bizarre fringe theorists who think they know the TRUTH that NASA is trying to cover up. One is Alex Collier, whose theory is a mash-up of Christianity, Star Trek and sheer insanity. Collier has argued that the comet is actually a perfect cube, that the GOD of the Bible is actually an acronym for a Galactic Obliteration Device, and that Jesus was part of the Borg Collective.

As usual, this theory comes with a rats nest of linked sites. io9 links to The Canadian National newspaper, which is very … how to say this politely … very Canadian. They link to the page of the Luciferian Liberation Front, who seem to have abducted their website from the year 1996. And these guys are about one full Time Cube:

The writers of Star Trek the Next Generation were being prophetic in their visions of the Borg ship when they portrayed it as a giant cube. The inspiration of the Lightbringer; Lucifer, is manifest in their attempts to show humanity the connection between the amorality of collectivism and the New Jerusalem but no one seems to be listening…until now.

My favorite part is how they describe how the Kingdom of Heaven is basically a Borg Cube:

When we dissect the cube of heaven we see that it is constructed like a living cell with its own system of energy circulation and metabolism.