Kids suicide; parents point to bullying as the reason

It is difficult to pinpoint all the reasons why a child might commit suicide but the parents of two young men are pretty clear on at least one factor – bullying.

Carl Hoover-Walker was buried yesterday in Springfield, MA. Hoover-Walker was taunted with gay overtones, even though he did not identify as such. His mother said she alerted the school about the ongoing harassment but with no discernable difference. The 11 year old hung himself April 6th.

Just days before in Mentor, Ohio, the parents of Eric Mohat filed a lawsuit against the Mentor High School for failing to address clear signs of harassment. They believe the bullying led Eric to take his life at age 17. From the ABC News article:

The lawsuit — filed March 27, alleges that the quiet but likable boy, who was involved in theater and music, was called “gay,” “fag,” “queer” and “homo” and often in front of his teachers. Most of the harassment took place in math class and the teacher — an athletic coach — was accused of failing to protect the boy.

“When you lose a child like this it destroys you in ways you can’t even describe,” Eric Mohat’s father told ABCNews.com.

The parents aren’t seeking any compensation; rather, they are asking that Mentor High School recognize their son’s death as a “bullicide” and put in place what they believe is a badly needed anti-bullying program.

I believe Mr. Mohat is correct. School can be a cruel place and even though some schools do a good job at intervention, others do not. And schools cannot control what students do when they are off the school grounds. Parents and youth leaders must help set the tone for how people should treat each other. So we need schools to improve what they are doing to intervene in these situations and we need adults to model a better way to interact.

Some think schools are doing enough. In describing her reasons for supporting a boycott on the Day of Silence this coming Friday, Laurie Higgins of the Illinois Family Institute told WorldNetDaily

…that the goal cited by the GLSEN events is to reduce bullying on school campuses, especially that bullying perceived as targeting homosexual students or those with other alternative sexual lifestyle choices.

“No one supports bullying,” she said. “Every school has more than ample anti-bullying policies in place. … for GLSEN, the means by which they want to end bullying is to normalize volitional homosexual conduct.”

I doubt the parents of Eric and Carl would agree that school policies were ample enough. And Higgins misunderstands the intent of the students involved. If anti-bullying policies and programs exist, they want the policies enforced and implemented. I suspect parents and kids who are the targets of harassment want more action and less talk and intention. If Christians care, then they have to demonstrate that in some tangible way. What does it show when you leave the scene?

To those who think anti-gay bullying is no big deal, read the words of Brian Pengelly, a youth minister from Canada.

The truth is that when I was a student questioning my own sexual identity in grade 9 I was beat up because of my orientation.

The truth is that I was lucky, because compared to many of my gay friends, I got off easy.

The truth is that I have talked to hundreds of youth across North America who have been called names like “fag”, “homo”, “sissy”, “dyke” and “lesbo” every single day.

The truth is that often teachers and administrators see this happen and do nothing about it.

The truth is that many students (like me) will never report the harassment and violence they face because they are scared and ashamed. So even if and when school administration will listen, they often don’t hear about the extent of it.

The truth is that it can often be Christians who perpetrate the bullying and name-calling.

I went to a Christian school. It happened there.

This is not just my experience. This is SO common. I have seen it in schools. I have seen it in churches, I have seen it in youth groups. I have talked to HUNDREDS of young people who have told me their stories.

This is REAL.

And when Christians pretend like it isn’t, we bring shame on the name of the Lord who we claim to follow.

When we stand by and let others speak out for justice while we do nothing, we fail the Kingdom of God.

When we actively oppose, or distract from those seeking justice we prove to a watching culture that our claims to love gay people are a lie.

This is REAL. This must STOP. We are part of the problem. Change starts with us.

Brenda High, author of Bullycide and editor of the website Bully Police, has empathy for the Mohats and Hoover-Walkers. She lost her son in a similar manner several years ago. I asked Brenda what her advice is to Christians who want to make a difference on behalf of kids who experience harassment and bullying. She said,

My only advice to those who call themselves Christian is to remember that to be a Christian is to follow Christ, who said, “Judge not, lest ye be judged”. It’s an oxymoron to call oneself a Christian, and at the same time to profess hate towards someone because of an act, sin, or behavior that you don’t like or disagree with.

If children are being bullied on the playground or inside our school, we as adults have failed that child, and we have failed the bully too. We must teach our children Christian values and ask our schools to teach “Do Unto Others” values so that all of our children can have a safe and bully-free environment to learn.

I couldn’t agree more.

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  • Mary
  • David Blakeslee

    As a childhood victim of bullying, I recall the intense fear I felt, my racing mind and various plans to outmaneuver my bully…bullies. I was woefully undersized…and grossly oversocialized (say, “please…thank you.”). But I could not be passive and my energy level couldn’t keep me invisible.

    After one assault, where my left hand was broken…I pleaded with the principle for help. He opted for an interview of other children and accepted a very absurd explanation for my injury….

    So that is the 60′s…

    Flash forward to the late 80′s, and my daughter is the victim of Relational Aggression. Again she is small, over socialized. Stigmatized and ridiculed she became acutely depressed…although the faculty at the school were concerned; there was little to no formal intervention.

    I am not really sure that schools know what they are doing generally with more social kinds of bullying…let alone kids that are not strongly identified with their same sex peers.

  • David Blakeslee

    My son is reading “Lord of the Flies”…that should be interesting.

  • Pingback: Hate 2 hope: The story of Tim Zaal and Matthew Boger — Warren Throckmorton

  • http://www.boxturtlebulletin.com Timothy Kincaid

    Laurie Higgins doesn’t just think that the Day of Silence is the wrong way to end bullying of gay kids.

    In her “rebuttal” to your Golden Rule pledge, she says that Christians have a moral obligation to “condemn volitional homosexual conduct” and that the Golden Rule really means “Christians should affirm to others God’s Word–the entirety of God’s Word–in a godly way”.

    It isn’t that she wants a different method of ending bullying of gay kids. Rather, Laurie Higgins WANTS gay kids to be harassed, harangued, publicly condemned, and in all manner treated badly.

    Laurie Higgins isn’t opposing the Day of Silence because she opposes the politicization of schools. She opposes the Day of Silence because she doesn’t want the bullying to stop.

  • Jayhuck

    And that, Timothy, IMO, is an attitude as far removed from Christianity as I can imagine. Its sad.


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