I’d Like To Not Exist For A Little While

A new pregnancy test this morning came out negative.

There’s not supposed to be any such thing as a false positive except through user error, but I followed the directions on that test very, very carefully. I’ll be joining the group of people who don’t trust and don’t use the blue dye tests. A pink one has revealed an unambiguous no.

I got to have one wonderful day of believing I was pregnant. It was glorious.

Now it would be nice to be able to flip an “off” switch and put myself in sleep mode for a while. I don’t know how to exist in the world with this pain.

EDIT: On the other hand, it may have been what’s called a chemical pregnancy. I went ahead and took a second blue test and it was also negative. This suggests that it may be a very early miscarriage, which would actually be a good sign for our future fertility.