A Druid's Guide To Glastonbury

British music site The Quietus (which is quite good btw) has decided to forego its usual tips for attending the massive Glastonbury Festival, and has instead sought the advice of Druid leader Emma Restall Orr. The author of “Living With Honour: A Pagan Ethics” gives sensible advice about not minding the rain, avoiding greasy junk-food, and finding time for a little serenity.

“Factor in some good chill out time, sometime during the day or night. Find quiet to relax alone, even just for ten minutes: find some peace … Visit the stone circle. Walk it a few times, feel its calm and how it sits deeply rooted in the landscape … Don’t make a mess or abandon your rubbish, and thank the spirit of the land when you leave.”

That’s all well and good, but surely they’d want some Pagan suggestions on which acts to check out, right? Since anyone who’s going is probably already there, this is pure armchair quarterbacking, but I’d definitely check out Bat For Lashes, Fleet Foxes, Fairport Convention, The Horrors, Bon Iver, and Tunng. Artists who have all been played on my A Darker Shade of Pagan podcast at some time or another. Also, from a purely personal standpoint (outside a Pagan purview), I wouldn’t want to miss Echo and The Bunnymen or Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds either.

Bungling Poachers, Not Satanists

It seems to happen with almost every strange animal death, law enforcement and journalists start wondering if the event had “occult” or “Satanic” connotations. Since a “Satanic” (or Santeria/Voodoo) headline sells more papers than “disturbed teenagers”, we rarely get an injection of common sense in these proceedings. Often, the more mundane truth is briefly reported long after the sensationalist damages have already been done. For instance, a recent deer beheading in Knustsford, England had all sorts of wild Satanic speculation behind it (including linking it to a blatantly obvious attention-seeking e-mail from a “Satanist”).

“The incident came just days after the Guardian received an anonymous email claiming Satanists were worshiping in Knutsford … Deer are said to be used in satanic rituals as sacrificial animals. It is also believed their skins are used as cloaks and headdresses during devil worship rituals.”

Naturally, actual Satanists objected to being portrayed as maniac deer-beheaders. In that same article, tucked away at the very end, the most likely scenario is reported.

“However, last week it emerged the killing could have been a failed attempt at poaching. A man who attended the scene, but would not be named, said the criminals appeared to have gutted the young stag to prepare it for sale.”

But you see, “bungling poachers” doesn’t have the same zing to it as some mythical occult underground in Knutsford. Some moron trying to make some money by poaching just doesn’t excite the audience. It’s a farce disguised as journalism, a scary puppet-show that can lead to “Satanic Panics” and ruin people’s lives.

Dragging Out the Spinal Tap Joke (Again)

I suppose that it’s inevitable that with all the coverage of Druids, Stonehenge, and the Summer Solstice, some journalist, somewhere, would have to make a Spinal Tap “Stonehenge” reference. However, I wasn’t expecting it from the newest member of the Get Religion team’s first post.

“The AP reporter goes on to discuss the mystery surrounding Stonehenge. Is it an ancient burial ground or the temple of some sun-worshipping society? And how in the world did its creators ever relocate from up to 150 miles away those several-ton stones that dwarf the stage props in “This is Spinal Tap!” … All I know about Druids comes from Spaceballs, but I’m pretty sure the troubles of the Druish Princess Vespa has little to do with what went on at Stonehenge Sunday.”

I normally wouldn’t even mention such tired (attempted) funny-making, but it just didn’t seem to add up to what Brad Greenberg (a Christian with a culturally Jewish background) says he believes about what being on the “Godbeat” means.

“Once considered a backwater of journalism, the Godbeat feels to me quite chosen, home to immensely important and interesting news. Religion, after all, is the rubric through which each person uniquely sees the world. Science, education, politics, entertainment — it regularly serves as an undercurrent in these fields. (That was, in fact, part of my pitch at The Sun three years ago when they were looking for a reporter for the newly created position and I was eager to get out of Rialto.) The religion angle also is occasionally relevant when trying to understand peoples’ beliefs in God, their perspectives on the life hereafter and that which gives every day meaning. Think of the God beat as the Jerusalem of journalism. Seriously.”

If religion reporting is so important, you’d think a little reading about modern Druidry before posting wouldn’t be completely amiss. When you lead off with a picture from Spinal Tap, with references to that film and to Spaceballs, it gives me the impression that modern Pagan religions aren’t even worth the minimal time and effort to quickly visit Wikipedia. It leaves me with the notion that any future reporting on modern Paganism from that journalist will be unserious and under-researched. The irony of a site that critiques religion reporting committing the journalistic equivalant to an unforced error is somewhat heady. Then again, maybe he’ll quote Life of Brian when he next reports on Christianity for the sake of consistency.

Is the British Soul Pagan?

While commentators grouse about issues concerning accuracy, and some readers remain skeptical, more and more signs seem to point to the continuing rise of modern Paganism and the widespread acceptance of a secular “folk-pagan” idiom for seasonal celebrations in Britain. In the Guardian, Cole Moreton, who’s writing a book about the soul of Britain, wonders if “everyone’s a Pagan now”.

“Not quite, maybe, but the rise has been dramatic. The census in 2001 recorded 40,000 pagans, but the true figure may be higher … The Pagan Federation, which aims to represent all “followers of a polytheistic or pantheistic nature-worshipping religion”, claims the number of adherents has trebled at least. That would mean there were 360,000 committed, practising pagans, putting them ahead of the Sikhs (329,000) and fourth behind Hindus (552,000), Muslims (1.5 million) and Christians (42 million, according to the census) … All you have to believe to be a pagan, according to the federation, is that each of us has the right to follow our own path (as long as it harms no-one else); that the higher power (or powers) exists; and that nature is to be venerated. If you asked everyone in Britain if they agreed with those three statements, millions would put their hands up. At its loosest, paganism is beginning to look like our new national faith.”

As if to validate Moreton’s thesis, the Summer Solstice gathering this year at Stonehenge was the largest ever, with an estimated 36,500 revellers making their way to Salisbury Plain.

“Despite the sun not making an appearance in an overcast sky, record numbers of people arrived to celebrate the occasion. An eccentric mix of Morris dancers, pagans dressed in their traditional robes and musicians playing guitars and drums gathered alongside visitors from across the world.”

There seems to be a certain British character that lends itself to celebrating its ancient landscape, and it affects you no matter what religion you actually adhere to. Pagan, Christian, atheist, or even Sikh.

“I think we ought to start a campaign to celebrate Midsummer in a more spectacular way. As a species we have specialised in creating tension, division and war. I am not for a moment suggesting we eschew organised religion. What I am suggesting is that we embrace our commonality. We all exist in the warmth of the sun, the light of the moon; we live by the tree and drink of the river. I suggest that we create a pantheistic precedent and have the first multi-faith celebration of the sun, of the galaxy and of the universe. I would like this event to take place in Croydon. We should, for one long day only, forget our differences and unify under the canopy of a shared sky. We will welcome the pot-smoking hippies, the groovy Bhuddists, the depression-embracing goths, the perennially troubled Christians, the ideologically-centred Sunnis and the daughters and sons of Khalsa. Food ought to be available for vegetarians, vegans, omnivores, and chocolate for the pot-heads. We should all wear differently coloured, full-length, smock-dresses that celebrate the colours of nature (no one, not even Croydon’s own Kate Moss, looks good in a smock-dress: it is a great leveller).”

So is the British soul, deep down, really a pagan soul? Or does it just seem that way around Midsummer?