I’m responding to the Patheos challenge to write about “If you had a second chance and no limiting circumstances, what dream would you pursue?” as part of promoting “The Moment”
If I had a second chance with no limiting factors I would:
- Have taught English in China instead of attending graduate school straight out of college. I would have had my adventure, solidified my Mandarin, and opened myself to who knows what doors? Then if I decided on graduate school, I would have known why I was there and what I was doing.
- Have trusted God to hold my heart rather than defending it so fiercely from my boyfriend, not yet husband. I would have created a whole lot less damage.
- Have judged my mother less. Despite all her attempts for control and my rebellion, it turns out the fact that she allowed me to argue back meant I was given a voice. Judging her less would have helped me judge myself less as well.
However. . .
- It seemed like God and all the wise ones in my life were directing me to graduate school, so I obeyed. Who knows why? But my path has been irrevocably changed–I’m trusting for the better
- All the conflict of my young courtship and marriage meant working nonstop, and then eventually receiving God’s healing—as opposed to the slow slide into apathy and/or dysfunction that so easily happens in less conflictual marriages.
As a young woman, I took the chance to follow my dreams and call–entering ministry when many in my religious culture said women shouldn’t lead, following God when it would have been so much safer to be a lawyer, raising funds as a missionary rather than getting a regular paycheck–and I don’t regret those decisions. . .very often. I just wish I’d done everything with a less fearful and self-protective heart.