Looking at the “S” word

As many of you know I am recently divorced. I must admit the journey has been a walk, step by step, breath by breath through lots of shame.  It seems in culture that desires so much from our ourselves, that we seem to get lost in the experience itself. Letting us be defined by it. As a man, I have felt criticized by feeling my feelings,  be called weak, not macho enough, never living up to someone else’s dreams for me,  not making enough, bullied, threatened, pick on, called “girl”, had a family member buy my daughter a pink cheer leading dress for her birthday and then suggesting I could wear it too because I was a stay at home Dad,  and now the divorce. So with this in mind, I entered my heart, and was still.  I have had the opportunity to meet some wonderful people, including women.  A woman friend of mine, suggested that I was scared to love, and that got me to this place of honesty. The best place I can go too for honesty is within, and this came forward, “Shame”.  The heart opened, as though it had been waiting for all these years to be released.

The “S” word “SHAME”.  I love inward work, because when you are ready to get to the heart of the matter, the door is opened.  So here I am with an endless list, so what do they all have in common, “less than”.  I have been equating my life to my experience.  Caring about what others will say, and frankly that is ridiculous.   But it is here, and because it is here and I have acknowledged it, now I can take responsibility for it. In taking responsibility I am able to respond.  Which is true responsibility, the ability to respond within, and with love that this came forward, this blessing.  My response was to take this shame to the “inner Wisdom” and ask for guidance.   When I did I saw a bird released from its cage, a white dove.  So many years of burden, finally breaking down, falling apart. As Love recognizes love.

Finally releasing and continuing to practice in loving awareness….to be continued….

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