Fitness Misnomers

I am convinced that in order to be a personal trainer you must first acquire a PhD in the creation of misnomers.  Previously, politicians wore the crown for misleading names: the Patriot Act made us less free, the Clear Skies Act reduced the power of the Environmental Protection Agency, etc.

Yet I don’t think a politician can hold a candle to a trainer.  If ever you decide to hire a trainer to get you into shape, there are some things you need to be aware of going in.

1.  If your trainer tells you that you’re going to do an exercise called the Destroyer or that they’re going to have you do ten sets of Face-Smashers, it’s going to suck, but not nearly as much as if they ask you to do Peter Pans, the Cycle of Joy, or something with a similarly chipper name.

2.  Trainers will push you.  They will keep moving up your weights to make sure you’re lifting at your threshold.  You will hurt from this (but it will feel so good the rest of the day!).  However, the time will come when they will ask you to go grab a single 5 lb. dumbbell and you will think to yourself, “Yes! A sweet chance for rest!”  You will be wrong, and by the end of it you will be begging to go back to the heavier weights.

3.  A trainer will prepare you for a tough exercise.  They’ll tell you it’s hard, but that you have it in you.  YOU CAN DO THIS!!!  But if they ever tell you that you’re going to love this new exercise, what they’re really saying is that they are a sadist, and it is the trainer who is going to love watching you do the new exercise.

Still, I strongly recommend hiring a trainer if you ever want to get in shape.  You need someone to push you, and when you finally get all the way through the Cycle of Joy you feel like you could lift the world without a fulcrum or a lever.  Take that, Archimedes!

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About JT Eberhard

When not defending the planet from inevitable apocalypse at the rotting hands of the undead, JT is a writer and public speaker about atheism, gay rights, and more. He spent two and a half years with the Secular Student Alliance as their first high school organizer. During that time he built the SSA’s high school program and oversaw the development of groups nationwide. JT is also the co-founder of the popular Skepticon conference and served as the events lead organizer during its first three years.


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