What a Bunch of Whiners

Oh goodie!  FAUX News is beginning its annual tradition of displaying their utter contempt for niceness by claiming victimhood when somebody wishes them well.  They are informing me, once again, that when I take time out of my day to convey that I hope the holidays are good to someone instead of telling them to go directly to hell ( do not pass go, die in a fire) or some other truly negative alternative, that I am actually insulting them in some way.  This is how the deeply faithful are going to score points with god – this is the extent of their martyrdom: to spit kindness back in somebody’s face before weeping about how put upon they are.  They’ve somehow convinced themselves that expressing kindness amounts to a war against them.  There’s not really much left to say here other than “What a bunch of assholes.”

While the atheists and other religious folk are celebrating the idea of world peace and good will toward their fellow men and women, these Christians (and there are a LOT of them) have decided that the Prince of Peace Boss on the Cross wants more us-vs-them in the world.  The demand that we eschew the other winter traditions around us and kowtow to a cabal of Christian whiners amounts to the opposite of spreading good cheer – it’s insisting that we cannot enjoy the holidays unless we enjoy them their way.  I’ve seen two year-olds throw more justifiable tantrums.

Personally, I don’t mind having Jesus in Christmas.  Sure, he’s not as cuddly as the Easter Bunny and not as generous as Santa Claus (Santa sure as hell doesn’t want 10% of your income, just some cookies and milk, and neither punishes you if you think they’re silly), but Jesus is just as fictitious and the songs are nice.  But if the choice is between having Jesus in Christmas and being able to dispatch a little extra love to everybody for a few days each December without be hassled, then I wish we could take Jesus out.  The bunch of self-entitled, over-privileged Christian crybabies at FAUX News has made it a necessary step towards happiness for all.

Anyway, I began this post to link a poem by Digital Cuttlefish that describes perfectly the way we evil, evil atheists wage this  phantom war on Christmas (hint: by celebrating it).

An Atheist’s Christmas

We’ll all open presents, and cook a big dinner,
And share in traditions we learned long ago
But Christmas is different for this humble sinner,
No “birth of the saviour”, just people we know.

It has nothing to do with a babe in a manger
Or kings being led by a star up above,
But rather in family, friend, and in stranger,
In kindnesses done for the people we love.

A spirit of hope, and a spirit of giving,
A promise of peace in a troubling day,
A chance to examine the way we are living–
The courage to say what we’ve wanted to say.

You don’t need to think there’s a god up above you
To want to be good to your fellows on Earth.
To give to your friends, and to tell them “I love you”
Has nothing to do with some son of god’s birth.

For love, and for giving, we say “tis the season”
For caring, for kindness, for sharing good cheer
But why limit ourselves? I mean, what is the reason?
Why can’t we be giving the rest of the year?

This Christmas, my wish for each sister and brother,
To you, and to everyone you may hold dear;
Remember, this Christmas, to love one another—
Not only this season, but all through the year!

If you’re not reading Digital Cuttlefish’s blog, you’re really depriving yourself.

Happy holidays to everybody!*

* …except the sectarian grinches over at FAUX News and the bellyaching  faith-heads who empower them.  They can all fuck right off for making the holidays a little less joyous.

  • John Eberhard

    Love it.

  • VeritasKnight

    In my house, Santa Claus always demanded cookies and egg nog with rum mixed in. And whenever mom was out of the room, dad always insisted that we add “a little more rum” (on the years he was home. The years he wasn’t, Santa was strangely sober).

    The place I live is very, very Catholic, and I have already passed my two weeks of Christmas before I get grumpy back in November, so this year should be fun.

  • julian

    Oh fuck! It’s December!!!!!!!!

  • http://eepineapple.wordpress.com jlloyd714

    I agree that it’s amazingly rude and self centered to assume that everyone celebrates Christmas, and then get mad about the fact that Kwanza, Hannukah , etc exist and people might want to have happy ones. But, what about the fact that even the Christians celebrate more than one holiday this time of year? Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s are all observed this general time of year- so instead of interpreting “happy holidays” as “happy whichever non-Jesus holiday you might possibly celebrate” why can’t they see it as “happy late November to early January”?

  • http://freethoughtblogs.com/dispatches Ed Brayton

    Brilliant, JT. Absolutely brilliant.

  • otrame

    …except the sectarian grinches over at FAUX News and the bellyaching faith-heads who empower them. They can all fuck right off for making the holidays a little less joyous.

    QFFT

  • Cuttlefish

    Thanks, man!

  • ‘Tis Himself, OM

    Happy holidays to everybody!

    Bah! Humbug! to you too.

  • Rory

    Really nicely put, JT.

  • Gregory

    Very well said. And you have inspired me: next time someone expresses fauxrage because I said “Happy holidays,” I will ask, “So wishing you well means I am out to destroy all that is good and decent?”

  • http://www.eselby.com/ed Ed Selby

    Bravo! Well done!

  • Daniel Schealler

    @julian

    Ha!

    Yeah, that was pretty much my reaction to.

    Awesome.


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