Christian porn

There is apparently a campaign going to Christianize porn.

Christ-centered porn, made to be viewed by Christians and tailored to their unique needs. We challenge all Christians in the adult industry (yes, they do exist – and you know who you are) to step up and truly walk their walk and live their faith by producing more pornography that men and women of God can view without compromising their relationship with their Savior, or their relationship with their spouse.

No kidding?  What does that kind of porn look like?

Only married couples engaging in sexual acts. All sexual partners in a Christian porn production are husband and wife, both on and off screen. All actors are married in real life and portray married couples on-screen. The depiction is their having sex with only their wedded spouses.

All sex is portrayed within the context of a Christian marriage. It is apparent through the actions, behaviors, and speech of the characters portrayed that they are Christian, lead a Christian lifestyle, and have a marriage in which their faith is central. This is depicted in a variety of ways, with scenes showing a couple praying together, studying the Bible, attending church or church functions, and generally relating to
one another as loving Christian spouses outside of the bedroom.

…and, of course, being watched by thousands of people – just like on their honeymoon.

Snore.  It’s sex without all the variety.  It’s like a pizza place that only sells boring old cheese but says all the other toppings are bad for you.

I’m just not sure there’s a market for this since the more conservative/religious states tend to be the bigger consumers of porn per capita already.

What’s more, I don’t want to watch videos of some dude de-virginizing his bride on their wedding night and learning that losing her virginity often actually hurts a woman (so maybe get it out of the way before the big day?).  I also don’t care to watch that same couple fumbling around while realizing that being a good bed mate is a skill acquired through practice and a willingness to abandon constraints (not to be confused with abandoning restraints), not the other way around.


God dammit!  This is why Poe’s law exists.  Apparently this is a gag.  *head desk*  How am I supposed to tell when something’s a gag or when something’s serious when they’re so freaking close?

About JT Eberhard

When not defending the planet from inevitable apocalypse at the rotting hands of the undead, JT is a writer and public speaker about atheism, gay rights, and more. He spent two and a half years with the Secular Student Alliance as their first high school organizer. During that time he built the SSA’s high school program and oversaw the development of groups nationwide. JT is also the co-founder of the popular Skepticon conference and served as the events lead organizer during its first three years.

  • neatospiderplant

    Wouldn’t the fact that the porn is being made for the viewer to lust over someone that is not their partner go against Christianity in the first place?

    Also, I wonder if Catholic versions would show that the couple is only having sex in hopes of having a child.

  • http://freethoughtblogs.com/crommunist Crommunist

    “Great prayer, honey. Hey, since you’re on your knees already…”

    • http://freethoughtblogs.com/wwjtd JT Eberhard

      I don’t get it. What else can she do on her knees?

      • Mike Hitchcock

        Sweep the hearth. FFS, JT, don’t you know ANYTHING about women?

    • Des

      I almost did a spit take at my desk…

  • http://twitter.com/#!/TabbyLavalamp Tabby Lavalamp

    So are the OT restrictions against who can seem whom naked also among the rules conveniently thrown out by the NT?

    Then there are the rules that were made into thought crimes in the NT. I wonder how they reconcile “Christian porn” with this…

    Matthew 5:27 Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:
    5:28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

  • bbgunn

    In the unlikely event that xtian porn isn’t a Poe, I wonder if ‘Tebowing’ would take on a new meaning?

  • Kevin Jackson

    My rod and my staff shall comfort thee.

    • http://freethoughtblogs.com/wwjtd JT Eberhard

      I award you ten internets for this.

    • ash

      By “staff” does he mean his apostles? Oh, waqit, that’s Jesus porn…sorry

  • sc_1f5f0deea93c89cfc9820ece34aeef45

    Reminds me of the old joke about a new edition of Playboy magazine, for married men: Each month the centerfold is the same woman.

  • DemetriusOfPharos

    All sex is portrayed within the context of a Christian marriage.

    Doesn’t that mean it will only be for procreation?

    (Yes, I see the update that it’s a Poe. I still think my comment is relevant.)

  • Chris L. Robinson

    It’s a joke.

    Did you see the blasphemous movie titles?

    “The Body of Chris” (my particular favorite)

    “Oh, Come All Ye Faithful”?

    But didn’t I read somewhere recently about Christian “marital aids”?

  • http://onefuriousllama.com onefuriousllama

    LOL on both counts. The story is funny and that it’s a Poe is just as funny.

    My god (heh) I wish it was real though. There are some Christians around here I’d love to approach to get their pious opinion.

  • Eric

    “Christian” murder exists, so why not? Sounds like “Christians” can do pretty much anything they want if they say it’s “Christian”. They’re GREAT at that. Have been for millennia.

  • Ann

    Honestly, I think I would enjoy this type of porn. Imagine, for example, filming a couple. They have dinner and then they snuggle on the couch while watching some TV. His hand starts to feel her up a bit. They kiss and then french kiss. They are filmed going to the bedroom, where the romance continues, undressing, engaging in foreplay, possibly oral sex and ultimately intercourse. It would be very voyeuristic and very much a “reality” type of movie. They would be really married and we would see the wedding rings. The man would NOT pull out. It would be an internal cum shot. They would clean up however they normally clean up. I would find that much sexier than today’s porn. Just my opinion.


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