Highlights from CPAC.

I’ll flat out say it: the Tea Party types of the right wing are fucking nuts.  Seriously.  Here are some of the highlights from CPAC that solidify that fact.

South Dakota state representative Jenna Haggar pines for the times of covered wagons before we had any of this government helping the people nonsense, and laments how things have changed under “imperial president His Highness Barack Hussein Obama, mmm mmm mmm.”

Haggar references the founders of America, as if the ideas they had that mirrored Haggar’s political desires should be adopted simply because they were held by the right people 250 years ago without realizing the irony that many of them were slave owners who never envisioned women, like Haggar, in government.  And, last I checked, kings and other imperial figures weren’t elected fairly in democratic elections (you know, the ones where Obama mopped the floor against the GOP’s candidate).

This woman was elected to a position which supposedly demands intelligence.

Speaking of that, Michele Bachmann insisted that the conservative movement (the one that does its best to spread ignorance of science, the movement which is responsible for almost every cut to education over the last 20 years, and the one which has made its mark in the most statistically ignorant and uneducated states in the country) is an intellectual movement.

And right on cue, Sarah Palin  undercut Bachmann’s message by making her point with a personalized mangling of Green Eggs & Ham:

You know it’s true because it rhymes.  Intellectual movement indeed.  And I’ll bet Palin does “not like reporters’ smug replies,” such as asking what news sources Palin reads after Palin has claimed to keep up on current events.  I’m sure the reporters don’t like it when she has no fucking clue.

And this “intellectual movement” loves her and really related to being read to like a room full of two year-olds.  The room full of people who sneer at science hear this shit, cheer, and pat themselves on the back for being an “intellectual movement.”  It’s a pity irony isn’t painful.

And in response to all of it the crowd cheered just like like they do for that local sports team – even when their team is getting blown out.  Which is what’s happening.

Only one Republican tea party candidate is seen as having a real shot at a GOP Senate nomination this year: Mississippi state Sen. Chris McDaniel, who is challenging six-term Sen. Thad Cochran. No tea party challengers are expected to win in this year’s House races.

Even Mitch McConnell is saying that the Tea Party is all but dead on the national level:

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) believes that incumbent Republicans won’t have a problem holding their seats in the 2014 elections.

“I think we are going to crush them everywhere,” McConnell said about Tea Party challengers in a New York Times interview published Saturday. “I don’t think they are going to have a single nominee anywhere in the country.”

I never thought watching an organization eat its young would be so satisfying.

Sadly the Tea Party’s dreams of relevance are not entirely fantasy yet.  The cynical Republicans will still need to cater to them to remain temporarily relevant.  But as time goes on, if you don’t get on board with legalizing marijuana and align yourself with gay rights, you’re going to be fucked on the national level.  I would still love the Tea Party to stop merely challenging in GOP primaries and actually form a third party that would split the GOP vote.  If CPAC was any indication, they’re plenty stupid enough to do it and think they can win.

About JT Eberhard

When not defending the planet from inevitable apocalypse at the rotting hands of the undead, JT is a writer and public speaker about atheism, gay rights, and more. He spent two and a half years with the Secular Student Alliance as their first high school organizer. During that time he built the SSA’s high school program and oversaw the development of groups nationwide. JT is also the co-founder of the popular Skepticon conference and served as the events lead organizer during its first three years.


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