Anorexia journal: now THAT was productive!

Had a great session today. We decided to shelve treating the social anxiety since that will likely go away once my issues with body and food go away. Early on she asked me what I was thinking and, as always, I was frank.  I told her I resented the dance of trying to make it [Read More...]

Off to appointment #5.

Yesterday was a roller-coaster.  I started the say off feeling pretty normal, even had a normal breakfast with carbs.  But that dissipated as the day went on until I found myself crying at night for fear of leaving my home, my safe space, to travel to Apostacon this weekend.  There’s no reason for me to [Read More...]

Anorexia journal: that felt nice.

First thing’s first, I’m down to 189.4 lbs.  That means I’ve lost almost 20 lbs in less than six weeks.  That’s too much, and I still feel like I’m eating way too much.  Yesterday I even had a little bit of ice cream, which was stupid.  I knew how I would react and I did [Read More...]

After appointment #4.

As with last week, we opened with Katy Perry asking me what I wanted to accomplish today.  Like last week I responded that I want to eat and feel comfortable with my body and in public. We talked about what triggers me the most and she asked what I can do to cope when that [Read More...]

Off to appointment #4 soon.

Before last appointment I weighed 192.2.  As of Sunday I weigh 191.0, probably less today.  Every morning I’ve been doing exposure to food by sitting in the kitchen for half and hour every morning with some food out.  The goal is to eat carbs of some sort.  I succeeded Friday and Saturday but failed Sunday [Read More...]

Update on me.

Thursday and Friday were decent enough days.  I did my food exposure in the morning and got carbs down both times.  Saturday and Sunday I did my exposure but couldn’t eat.  I also weighed myself yesterday and was down to 191.0, which is 1.2 lbs less than three days prior. Since starting therapy the good [Read More...]

Anorexia journal: after session #3.

That went well.  Katy Perry has picked up that I approach my condition very analytically and so she explains, scientifically, why she’s conducting our sessions in particular ways.  This comforts me greatly. She also acknowledged that it was good that I have awareness of what’s going on.  For instance, I know I’m doing damage to [Read More...]

Anorexia journal: off to my third therapy appointment.

I last weighed myself on Monday and weighed 193.6.  Today I weighed 192.2, which marks the second consecutive three-day period where I’ve lost 1.4 lbs.  It’s too much, but I’m eating all I can. I still can’t tell I’ve lost weight by looking in the mirror, despite having lost almost 16 lbs in the last [Read More...]

Dusty and Suicide

Discussing depression and suicide isn’t really my thing, despite suffering through it myself (though for different reasons). I’m not sure I’d say I’m a fan of this “Cult of Dusty” character. I think he has his moments, even if I disagree with him on some points. One of his recent videos popped up on my [Read More...]

Anorexia journal: today’s update.

Last night I went to bed having eaten 700 calories on the day, but got up after a bit and forced down a spoonful of peanut butter and a scrambled egg to get me up close to 1,000 calories on the day.  Today I’ve had 250 calories and can’t see myself eating more for a [Read More...]