About to head off to my next appointment.

I had a really rough weekend, which I’m sure we’ll talk about.  I’m up 1.5 lbs from when I weighed myself two weeks ago, which I guess is good, but it hasn’t done wonders for my mood.  I’ve eaten 400 calories today and feel disgusted at the thought of eating more.  Thanks scale. There’s not [Read More...]

Appointment #9 coming up.

I’m about to head out the door to my 9th appointment. I ate well this last weekend.  I ate REALLY well – as in I ate too much.  But it didn’t bother me much.  I don’t want to step onto the scale today though to check the damage, I just want to go back to [Read More...]

Your morning happizzzZZZzzz….

When I hit a low spot depression-wise I get insomnia hardcore.  That happened last night.  I hardly slept, but I got some rest this morning.  Sorry for the late start. Here’s a song from the Dream Theater album Six Degrees of Inner Turbulence.  The second CD on that album is a 42 minute long song [Read More...]

Aftermath of appointment #8.

We had another good session today. Over the past week I’ve felt like I’ve eaten enough, much like last week.  But while my weight was constant last week, today I weighed myself under non-ideal conditions to see I’d lost two pounds (probably more, since all previous weighing was under ideal conditions). I had a pretty [Read More...]

Aftermath of appointment #7.

It was a good session.  I left feeling a lot better about things. Last week Katy recorded our session (that was not a good session, I was a traumatic mess).  She showed me the video of that today.  I asked her what this was supposed to accomplish.  She said she wanted me to see what [Read More...]

Pre-appointment thoughts.

I haven’t weighed myself in a week because I’ve been eating more.  Each time I feel like shit right after, but I keep doing it.  Today I busted out the scale to check, sure I’d ballooned back up over 200 lbs.  It was 190.0.  I’ve not gained or lost any weight, despite feeling like I’ve [Read More...]

Today’s a good day.

I post about my bad days, so why not post about my good days? The thing I hate most about clinical depression/anorexia is the loss of humor.  For those who have met me on the road you know I try to find the humor in most things, even the terrible things.  I think everything has [Read More...]

Aftermath of appointment #6.

Today is not a good day for me.  Getting through this weekend with a smile was challenging (not because of anybody attending the conference, the attendees were wonderful!).  I ate enough on two of the days, which has stuck with me.  Yesterday was bad, today is far worse. I couldn’t eat when I did my [Read More...]

Anorexia blog: I saw my weight loss.

While waiting for the car to be fixed I went and got a haircut so I can look all credible when I give my workshop at Apostacon.  While in the chair, staring into the mirror, I saw my weight loss.  My neck is so much thinner, my jaw so much more defined, my face smaller… [Read More...]

Anorexia journal: now THAT was productive!

Had a great session today. We decided to shelve treating the social anxiety since that will likely go away once my issues with body and food go away. Early on she asked me what I was thinking and, as always, I was frank.  I told her I resented the dance of trying to make it [Read More...]