Because of Opinion Polls (Not!)

—Feast of St. Teresa of Avila  

The latest research numbers are out showing (once again) that the average Catholic in the pews in the United States, is morally sick, spiritually lame, and theologically lazy. How in the hell did I wind up surrounded by such a motley crew? How did I slip into this program? Why would I join this outfit?!

Well, I was called is all I can figure.

For forty years they wearied me, that generation. I said: their hearts are wandering, they do not know my paths. I swore in my anger: they will never enter my place of rest—(Psalm 95).

Swearing and anger? Uh-oh. And that’s God talking, through David. And no, this scripture reference wasn’t initially directed at the Vatican II generation, but does it kind of fit? Or doesn’t it fit every generation?

Dateline Palestine, the years 31—33 A.D. Our Lord Jesus Christ,

Who answering said to them: An evil and adulterous generation seeketh a sign: and a sign shall not be given it, but the sign of Jonas the prophet. (Matthew 12:39)

and again later,

A wicked and adulterous generation seeketh after a sign: and a sign shall not be given it, but the sign of Jonas the prophet. And he left them, and went away.(Matthew 16:4)

Why would I join this Church when seemingly the vast majority of the crew doesn’t believe in Her teachings? Because here’s a news flash for you: I’m not worried about the other crew members.

I’m not concerned with what they say or what they do. I definitely don’t care one iota for what the latest research out of Georgetown University (the institution that willingly covered up all evidence of their Catholicity when President Obama gave a speech there) has to say about Catholicism at all. I’m sure they mean well, but Mark Twain said everything I need to know about these kind of studies.

“They” say you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink. Well, “they” shoot horses don’t they? How could I join such a Church? Because when it comes to the Roman Catholic Church, the sum is definitely greater than the parts. Squeaky wheels make a lot of noise, in the U.S. and elsewhere,  but seemingly they don’t come to Confession to get oiled.

I didn’t convert to Catholicism because of my wife, or my next door neighbor, my best buddy, or because it is the most popular place to be seen on a Sunday in town. I became a Catholic because Truth hit me like a bolt out of the blue and knocked me on my kiester, much as Webster reminded me in a post he wrote recently.

Hey Frank, how do you know it was Truth? Because I had been running away from Truth pretty much my whole life, at least since I was old enough to leave home. Maybe you believe in your own infallibility. Maybe you believe the tall-tales you tell everyone about yourself. Maybe you believe you don’t need to go to Confession because you’re sinless. Maybe you don’t believe Christ is present in the Eucharist at all, because you are all grown up. Maybe that’s why you believe it is okay to abort babies too, and…

Frankly, I don’t care what you believe. I don’t care how unpopular, or popular, the Church is. And in case you haven’t noticed, the Church doesn’t care if you don’t like the Truth either.

I take that back—the Church does care! She cares so much that she won’t change the message just to make it more palatable to you. She cares so much that she is not going to sugar-coat the Truth for you. She cares so much that She leaves the evidence all over the place: here, and here, and here, and here, and in the Communion of the Saints. But She won’t be taking account of tracking polls, and if She starts, I am out of here (unless called for by a Papal Encyclical)!

Webster’s most recent post asked our readers to pose questions and answers to the riddle of Catholicism. Perhaps one of the biggest misconceptions is that the laity doesn’t have to lift a finger in order to be saved. Maybe a lot of those in the pews think that this is their priests responsibility and not there own. My buddy John Wu hit this nail right on the head when he wrote,

the average Christian has no idea of the three ways, the purgative, the illuminative, and the unitive. The spiritual education of the Christian is sadly neglected.

What did St. Paul have to say about this?

So then, my beloved, obedient as you have always been, not only when I am present but all the more now when I am absent, work out your salvation with fear and trembling. For God is the one who, for his good purpose, works in you both to desire and to work. Do everything without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine like lights in the world, as you hold on to the word of life, so that my boast for the day of Christ may be that I did not run in vain or labor in vain.—(Philippians 2:12-16)

Riddle me this: what other institution on the planet, either in the past, present, or future ever was formed for the sole purpose of saving souls? How many institutions give you so many avenues to salvation via the Sacraments, because Christ knows that you need them all? And though She won’t sugar-coat the Truth for you, She still forgives you like the most loving and merciful of mothers? Completely forgives you, in such a way that not only does it transform you, but you want to willingly change, because you know you need to. You know that you want to be a son or daughter of God, and that you need to change in order to measure up to this standard.

Reading surveys like these are as meaningful to me as the best places to retire surveys, or the most driver friendly states surveys. I’m not retiring anywhere, or moving anywhere based on these silly reasons anytime soon. And if I do have to move, I likely won’t be doing so because some survey tells me this place is heaven or that place is hell. That assumes some measure of control of my environment, a measure of control that I know I do not have.

Today is the feast day of St. Teresa of Avila, known around these parts as “Big Terry.” She knew about horses too, because her horse threw her as she was crossing a river once. Soaked to the skin she looked up to heaven and said, “If this is how you treat your friends, no wonder you have so few of them!”

Evidently, she was told to get back on her horse and ride. Maybe we should do that too.

Because I Was a Stow-Away

Noah built an ark, and Christ built His Church. Hope floats.

For a long time, I was a stow-away aboard His Majesty’s ships. But a few years back, I stopped lurking in the shadows, approached the Captain of one of His frigates, and asked to be added to the rolls of His Majesty’s Fleet.

“All are welcome,” the Captain said. “Of course, you must swear allegiance to Our King and endeavor to follow His dictates and precepts,  which will change you from stem to stern. And, of course, you will be required to work in some capacity aboard the ship. Are you up for this laddie?”

“That is why I am here, sir,” I said with a faltering voice. “I have been a stow-away aboard His Majesty’s ships for years, stealing table scraps, and hiding in the bilge,” I confessed. “I came aboard your particular ship several years ago, and I have been hidden from your attention by one of the crew.”

He laughed heartily, and slapped me on the back and said, “My good fellow, I’ve known about you all along. You thought you escaped my attention, did you? Why, the entire Fleet knows about you, and all of your mates as well. His Majesty knows each one of those who comprise His ship’s company too, be they on the muster rolls, or not.”

I was amazed at this revelation. Stunned.

“Why, a few days before your arrival here,” he continued, “I received a dispatch from the Captain of the last ship you were a stow-away on. The Packet is quite fast, you see, and flies before the wind, unlike that slug of a brig that brought you to the port where you met up with us.”

“You mean you knew I have been on board your ship, sir?,” I stammered. I was amazed that I had not been successful in remaining hidden.

“Of course, and don’t trouble yourself about it. Now that you are going to be added to the rolls, though, I expect a full days work out of you each and every day. Our Majesty expects everyone to do their duty to the utmost of their ability. Is that understood?”

I knuckled my forehead and said in my most seamanlike voice, “Yes sir!”

“Very good, and welcome aboard Seaman Apprentice Weathers. You have much to learn, and much to do, so get on with it.”

And I have been endeavoring to do just that ever since.

 

For Your Vatican-Approved Friday Night at the Movies

It’s not often we get a free pass to go to the movies from the Vatican.  But that is what we received earlier this week. And heck, I couldn’t be happier because I love this movie. My mom loves this movie. Come to think of it, my wife, sister, brother, and even my kids love this movie.

Bravo Zulu to the Vatican Film critics. So head to the library, Blockbuster, or boot up your Netflix account and have a blast watching this classic comedy starring the late John Belushi and Dan Akroyd. Here is one of my favorite clips and a little preview clip to boot.

“It’s gotta cop motor, 440 cubic inch plant.  It’s got cop tires, cop suspension, cop shocks. It’s the model made before catalytic converters so it’ll run good on regular gas. Whaddaya say? Is it the new Bluesmobile or what?”

That’s what I’m talkin’ ’bout!

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“We’re on a mission from God.”

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Because We’re Having Too Much Fun Here

Synchronize watches, YIMC-ers! We have a big announcement scheduled for 0500 hours on Passion Sunday. That would be tomorrow. You don’t want to miss this. No, it has nothing to do with immigrants. Or scandal. Or soccer. Itching to find out? Desperate to know? Can’t wait another second? Well, we’ll give you a hint, but we’re betting you’ll never guess. . . .
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YIMC Book Club Roll Call—Final Exam is Thursday

Wow, around the New Year I said this about C.S. Lewis and Mere Christianity:

He better be bringing his “Little Deuce Coupe.”

And he has. Or maybe it’s more like an Aston Martin Vantage V-8.  Whatever he’s driving, Jack has been proving something that Chuck Yeager said regarding pilots and aircraft.  Which is more important Chuck?

It’s the man, not the machine. Wait a second, lets see the whole enchilada:

I have flown in just about everything, with all kinds of pilots in all parts of the world—British, French, Pakistani, Iranian, Japanese, Chinese—and there wasn’t a dime’s worth of difference between any of them except for one unchanging, certain fact: the best, most skillful pilot has the most experience.

So, remember the honeymoon, guys? When C.S. Lewis won the book selection vote by a nose? Here are some quotes to refresh your memory,

Eighty-nine book club votes and counting—can we count on so-many contributions about the segments of the book when we begin club reading-n-reflecting in earnest?

Um, evidently NOT! Roll tape!

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Excuse me Tommy, did you say bunch of babies?! LOL, I thought so.

Prayers were answered with this book club selection?

Oh, thank you! I came down to my computer this morning to a note from my son, saying he wanted to discuss Mere Christianity with me. He’s 21, and searching for God’s place in his life. So my prayer was answered…

Roll tape!

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I agree! Get outta the tree, people (Cubs fans—sheesh)! We’ve only got one more meeting to go folks, and like Webster and I have been saying, Jack saved his best stuff for last. He’s driving his Lola-Cosworth at break-neck speeds and setting track records and living to tell about it.

Roll tape!

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Yeah, Jack looks good in British Racing Green, and heck, maybe it’s Irish green. Either way, he is flying toward the finish line this week and so are we. Did you see him pass that guy like he was standing still? Was that you?

Roll Call:

EPG
Warren Jewell
Mary P
Matthew
Webster (say it ain’t so Mav!)
Michelle
Janet
El Bollio Tejano
Sandy
Anonymous(?!)
Turgonian

Not exactly 89!, LOL. After all, this film ending is more like it.  Roll tape!

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Sometimes you just have to switch to manual. See you all Thursday (and leave your Blue books and Scantrons at home!).

Because Catholics Can Take a Joke

Guest post by Allison Salerno
Know any good, tasteful Catholic jokes? On Sunday, the fourth in Lent, our Church will celebrate Laetare Sunday, or Refreshment Sunday. Among the signs of joy you may see at your local parish this Sunday are: the use of flowers on the altar, and of the organ at Mass and Vespers. You will also see your priests robed in rose-colored vestments. One parish friend suggests we think of Laetare Sunday  as “halftime for Lent,” a chance for us to pause and feel joy during our Lenten Journey. How wise our Church and its liturgical calendar are!

Inspired by reader Michelle, who emailed Webster a very funny joke, we will post  some Catholic jokes on Sunday afternoon—all in good taste and respectful of our Church because Catholics do have a sense of humor. Just check out the photo (above) of Sister Rosalba Garcia, one of the twenty-three nuns of the Salesian Sisters of Mary Immaculate Province in San Antonio.

Because Webster and Frank don’t know a whole lot of Catholic jokes (they seem to have little sense of humor), and I know few jokes of any denomination, we need your help. Send your suggestions to me: allisonsalerno@optimum.net and I will compile a list. Looking forward to some giggles.

Here’s a little more about Laetare Sunday from my friend, who says he “plagiarized shamelessly and paraphrased from the Catholic Encyclopædia”:

“Strictly speaking, the Thursday before Laetare Sunday is the middle day of Lent, and it was at one time observed as such, but afterwards the special signs of joy permitted on this day, intended to encourage the faithful in their course through the season of penance, were transferred to the Sunday following. The fourth, or middle, Sunday of Lent, gets its name from the first words of the Introit at Mass, “Laetare Jerusalem’—‘Rejoice, O Jerusalem.’”

Thanks to Anu Garg . . . Not

Posted by Frank
One of the earliest posts I did upon coming aboard the good ship YIM Catholic was entitled Because of Half-Baked Thoughts Like This. I had a little fun unraveling the phrase amour propre and crossing wits with Anu Garg of A Word A Day renown. Yesterday (1/11/2010) the word of the day was sacerdotal, which means of or relating to priests or priestly duties. But the funny thing is the introduction to the word. Anu says, and I quote:

The word religion derives from Latin ligare (to tie or to bind, as in “ligament”), but it best serves as a tool to divide people. My religion is better than yours. My god true, yours false. What, we have the same religion? No problem, my sect is better than yours.

Gee, Anu, how do you really feel? For a second there, I thought you were going to provide us with the etymology of the word religion, you know like you usually do. Instead, you got on your soap-box and slipped in a little sermon on the “problems” of religion! And there wasn’t one, single, redeeming (pun intended) quality of religion you could think of? Golly, I hoped you were more open-minded than that.

Re-reading Anu’s little 35-word sermon, it appears that the problem isn’t religion, in my humble opinion anyway, but fallen human nature instead. Maybe Anu is grumbling about people competing amongst each other to the point of silliness. You know, my dog is better than your dog. My car, house, job, etc., is better than your car, house, job. You get the picture, right Anu?

Fresh off his sermon on the evils of religion, he then hands all of his adoring fans a book selection to consider—a “thought provoking” book, he swoons, entitled 50 Reasons People Give for Believing in a God by Guy Harrison, and a link to same. I’m actually surprised they gave the deity a capital G in the title. Thank God for good editors!

But I will have to decline the invitation because, like Webster’s, my bed stand is getting loaded down with really good stuff to read already, and there is no room on it for the musings of a seeker (dodger?) named Guy. That’s also because we still have one chapter left on Chesterton’s Orthodoxy and one heck of a horse race going on between Hellaire Belloc and C.S. Lewis (see sidebar), who are competing (sorry Anu!) for votes to win the prize as the YIM Catholic Book Club’s next reading selection.

You may want to check up on Anu over at A.Word.A.Day this week. Because this week’s theme is religious words, you just might have as much fun as I am with his selections. Sheeeeeesh!

Because of Half-Baked Thoughts Like These

I like to learn new words. It is a strange thing for a guy to admit maybe, but it’s true. My Mom turned me on to Anu Garg’s A.Word.A.Day web service when we moved back to my hometown in the summer of 2005.

Mom knows I love to read, and she loves to play the board game SCRABBLE. Heck, all of her kids love to play that game! We used to have tournaments in an attempt to beat her at this wonderfully simple, yet stimulating word game. And don’t let her Southern demeanor fool you: she is one tough competitor and doesn’t like to get beaten. [Read more...]

Because Nuns Play Soccer

I found this story passed along by Deacon Greg Kandra too inspiring to pass up.

Like St. John’s Seminary in Brighton, Mass., this convent in Nashville, Tenn., is seeing more vocations than at any time in recent years.

To those of you (I wasn’t a Catholic yet) who survived faithfully the abuse scandal early in this decade, these numbers, these vocations, have to be extraordinarily heartening. God bless these young women and men!


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