Stay Right When You’re Wronged

What happens after you're mistreated? The Practice: Stay right when you're wronged. Why?It's easy to treat people well when they treat you well. The real test is when they treat you badly.Think of times you've been truly wronged, in small ways or big ones. Maybe someone stole something , turned others against you, broke an agreement, cheated on you, or spoke unfairly or abusively.When things like these happen, I feel mad, hurt, startled, wounded, sad. Naturally it arises to want … [Read more...]

Be Friendly

Friend or Foe? The Practice: Be friendly. Why?Friendliness is a down-to-earth approach to others that is welcoming and positive.Think about a time when someone was friendly to you - maybe drawing you into a gathering, saying hello on the sidewalk, or smiling from across the room. How did that make you feel? Probably more included, comfortable, and at ease; safer; more open and warm-hearted.When you are friendly to others, you offer them these same benefits. Plus you get rewarded yourself. … [Read more...]

Don’t Take it Personally

Is it about you? The Practice Don't take it personally. Why?Here’s an updated parable from the ancient Taoist teacher, Chuang-Tzu: Imagine that you are floating in a canoe on a slow-moving river, having a Sunday picnic with a friend. Suddenly there is a loud thump on the side of the canoe, and it rolls over. You come up sputtering, and what do you see? Somebody has snuck up on your canoe, flipped it over for a joke, and is laughing at you. How do you feel?OK. Now imagine the exact same s … [Read more...]

Balancing Joining and Separating

There is a natural balance within us all between the desire for joining and the desire for separation, between the desire for closeness and the desire for distance.These two great themes – joining and separation – are central to human life. Almost everyone wants both of them, to varying degrees.People tend to focus a lot on the joining theme, both because relationships are about – uh – joining, and because spiritual practice of any kind is fundamentally about coming into relationship with thi … [Read more...]


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