"How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand."

Wow, he flat out stole that joke from Emo Philips.

The purpose of words is to capture an idea. When the idea is understood, the words can be forgotten.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

Life isn't like a box of chocolates . it's more like a jar of jalapeno's. What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

- Larry the cable guy

"Don't let schooling interfere with your education. " -- Mark Twain
"All things truly wicked start from innocence." -- Ernest Hemingway
"Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right." -- Isaac Asimov
"Pride, envy, avarice - these are the sparks have set on fire the hearts of all men. " -- Dante Alighieri
"Half of the harm that is done in this world is due to people who want to feel important. They don't mean to do harm. But the harm does not interest them. " -- TS Eliot

By far the most important though:

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." -- Benjamin Franklin

All the proof I can drink!

"Religion is an insult to human dignity. With or without it, you'd have good people doing good things and evil people doing bad things, but for good people to do bad things, it takes religion."

- Steven Weinberg

This ones very clever:

Q)When did you realize your God?
A)When I was preying I realized that I was talking to myself.

Also there is:

Your God is my devil. A fool's paradise is a wise man's hell.

I have another one:

Well behaved women rarely make history

"You couldn't fool me on the foolingest day of your whole life even if you had an electrified fooling machine."

"Fool me once, shame on...shame on you. Fool me...you can't get fooled again."

from the ultimate fool.

But Jesus replied, “Stop complaining about what I said.” (John 6:43)

That's also struck a chord with me. I look at it like "but Jesus, you say so many contradictory things!" Which, actually, is in context to where that verse was taken.

Then Jesus wept. (John 11:35)

My new favorite is:

"Gods are fragile things; they may be killed by a whiff of science or a dose of common sense." -Chapman Cohen

I want a copy of The Atheist Bible. It has hundreds of these.

My favorite is from George H. Smith, regarding the bible verse that says anyone with faith as small as a mustard seed can move mountains:
"Indeed, it would take very few instances of mountain-moving to convince the atheists of the world, but few christians today are willing to make such a grandiose claim, much less attempt an actual demonstration."

I'm also a fan of many of Thomas Jefferson's famous quotes. I especially like: "It does me no harm for my neighbor to say that there are twenty gods, or no god. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg."

My favorite is:

"To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."

"God punishes so many of His children for their numerous stupidities, for which only He Himself can be held responsible; in my opinion, only His nonexistence could excuse Him."

- Albert Einstein.

Or, somewhat less philosophical, but still relevant:

"I want the truth!"
"You can't handle the truth!"

The half-truth one reminds me of something Heinlein wrote:

There are two effective ways to lie. The first is to tell only part of the truth. The second is to tell the truth in such a manner that nobody will believe you.

Along the same lines as some of elemenope's quotes is one of my faves from none other than C.S.Lewis, from The Great Divorce, which I just re-read recently.

I'm paraphrasing, but it goes along the lines of: "One more easily mistakes Brass for Gold than Clay", the point being that a half-truth is often more dangerous than a lie.

A few of my favorites:

Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something. (Robert A. Heinlein)

Truth does not do as much good in the world as the semblance of truth does evil. (Duc de La Rochefoucauld)

The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding. (Justice Louis D. Brandeis)

Thou shalt not follow a multitude to do evil. (Exodus 23:2)

I have never won a debate with an ignorant person. (Ali ibn Abi Talib)

I never considered a difference of opinion in politics, in religion, in philosophy, as cause for withdrawing from a friend. (Thomas Jefferson)

Men invent new ideals because they dare not attempt old ideals. They look forward with enthusiasm, because they are afraid to look back. (G. K. Chesterton)

None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. (Goethe)

Courtesy of Terry Goodkind:

People are stupid.

My Favorite Phrase is:

If you could reason with religious people there wouldn't be religious people.