Easter Sunday- I try to sleep-in a little on my day off until the church a half mile away gets tuned up and starts blaring their gospel for all to hear.
So I get up.
I then turn on the TV and flip through about a dozen channels devoted to religion and worship until I hit a news channel. Five minutes of news reveals the random religious pedophile, the ramifications of Dec. 21 2012, and violence attributed to instigating clergy and religious extremists.
To hell with all that- So I flip my computer on only to reveal the latest christian goody-goody email assault and a link to this.
This was about the same time the trespassers- a.k.a. jehovah’s witnesses- decided to drop by for a visit. Not wanting to engage in a fruitless debate, I politely told them to hit the road and find someone more naive to unload their spiel of drivel upon.
So I went for a drive.
After passing four churches in the first mile of my journey, I get stuck behind some blue-hair with a fish emblem stuck to the trunk and a “jesus saves” bumper sticker. A car passing the other way displays a “god is my co-pilot” front license plate. Another car is passed with a “buckle up with jesus” tag.
Driving along, I see easter eggs hanging from trees. How the hell painted eggs and bunnies correspond with christ I’ll never understand.
On a sign outside of a store is the slogan “jesus loves you”. That’s good to know, so I stop to get a case of beer. Oh wait, no beer sales on Sunday! Damn it to hell!
I grab a YooHoo instead and sneezed. Some dude with a cross tattooed to one side of his neck and FTW on the other side said “god bless you”. The nice girl behind the counter was also crossed with earrings and a necklace. When I handed her the money for my substitute liquid refreshment, the words “in god we trust“ on the money seemed to stand-out more than usual. As I walked out the door, the christian music faded into the background.
Just another day.