In one of those moods, bored, awake, started looking up people I used to know on the internet... found out the would-be father of my aborted fetus died of cancer last fall. He ended up being "life partners" with this woman he was off-on-again with at the same time as I was with him (well, before, and then after), she's an acupuncturist. I couldn't find what kind of cancer he had, just that it was pretty sudden and quick, and that he chose to fight his battle with alternative "medicine." Other than being kind of shitty to me only a particular circumstance, he was really a fun guy who loved life, made everything more fun than most people I've spent time with. I guess I'm not that sad, but it's sad. Obit says he didn't have any kids, and I don't know, I hope what's-her-face questions her career choice, but probably not. I think he's my first dead ex, which is a weird milestone for me. He taught me how to put on a t-shirt that was inside-out so it came on right-sided, and I think of him every time I put on a shirt! Weird!
One of my exes is dead(5 posts) (4 voices)
Death is always sad.
Reminds me about a girl I liked.
She committed suicide for no known reason.
I didn't sleep for two days, I could not rationalize that she was no more.
Things passes, life passes, and it is so hard to cope with it.
Sad times. Estranged or not, he was a part of your life, and you have a right, maybe even a need, to grieve for him. Don't judge him too harshly for the decision to use alternative medicine; if the cancer was that sudden and aggressive, it's likely that his prognosis with regular medicine was so poor anyway that it wouldn't have made a difference. Maybe that was his way of clinging to hope after his oncologist told him there was nothing to be done, who knows?
I've been through that in a very minor way. A guy I dated a few times many years ago committed suicide, for reasons that I won't go into here, but there were some ugly and shocking revelations that made me wonder if I'd ever really known him. So there I sat upon hearing the news, trying to reconcile my personal experience with the man with what I was reading in the newspaper headlines. It's been five or six years, and I still haven't got it all sorted out in my head. The predominant emotions are confusion, a sense of betrayal- who was this guy who seemed so normal but really wasn't?- and an unabashed feeling of relief that I dodged a really high-caliber bullet by not getting involved more deeply with him. And underneath it all, there is a layer of sadness over the fact that his life went off the rails like that.
Emotions. Tricky things. Can't live with 'em, and can't live without 'em.
Thanks, guys. It's just weird. I haven't seen him in over 15 years and I probably wouldn't have seen him again anyway. I remember him panicking over my pregnancy and pressuring me heavily to get rid of it, and I wonder if he remembered that. We weren't going out for more than a few months, and were already broken up, but this reality check seemed to send him straight back into the arms of the woman he eventually was with for the rest of his life. It's not like I thought we would be together forever or he'd do the "right thing" by me, but it's strange to be pregnant and have the papa say to your face that now he has to marry someone else. Has to. I was naive, but he was so fun, I don't see him with her, she seemed so serious and boring to me, but I guess they had a different kind of connection, yes? I long ago forgave him of being sort of a player and maybe a rotten sort of person to be involved with for the long haul, but I guess it settled him down. If I ever guessed he would die young, it would have been from drugs, wrapping his camaro around a lightpole, a vengeful girlfriend other than me he done wrong, or even suicide. I am more shocked that he got it together and had a decent life than that he died young. Even when I was with him, he told me (I don't know if it's true) that he was held up at gunpoint at the ATM. He had a way of telling lies better than anyone I ever knew. Being told lies you knew you might be being lied to and thought it was just part of a big fun game of being young and having a good time for a while, before it got boring. I've had a lot of rotten exes, so he doesn't sound too good, but in a lot of ways, he was the best. He bought my architectural supplies when I was in school then and helped me with my homework.
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