... I'm going to demand to see a copy of his birth certificate.
If Jesus Comes Back Tomorrow ...
(32 posts) (14 voices)-
Posted 3 years ago #
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I plan to invite him to all of my parties and then run low on wine.
Posted 3 years ago # -
I'd bring him out on the ocean and have him teach me how to walk on water.
...but he'd have to do it first.
Posted 3 years ago # -
I'd introduce him to my former students (from when I was a sp ed teacher) and ask him to heal their brain injuries.
Posted 3 years ago # -
And Jesus would say...Luuuccyy, you've got some 'splainin' to do!
Posted 3 years ago # -
I would assume it was a complex practical joke, or publicity stunt, and wonder what he stood to gain.
He's not going to have a birth certificate, vorjack. Born in a stable, remember?
Posted 3 years ago # -
Also I would ask if he was Unitarian Jesus, Baptist Jesus, Catholic Jesus, Mormon Jesus, Seventh-Day Adventist Jesus, or Baha'i Jesus.
Posted 3 years ago # -
He's not going to have a birth certificate, vorjack. Born in a stable, remember?
*snort* A likely story.
Look, all I'm asking for if proof that the really is from the line of David. If he's not, then he's ineligible to be my savior. Is a long form birth certificate really to much to ask? Why is God trying to hide the evidence?
Look at him, he's a white guy with a Mexican name like "hay-seus" claiming to be a real Hebrew. You know he's really an illegal immigrant into Palestine. "Called out of Egypt" my ass.
Posted 3 years ago # -
I'd ask him to hold off Armageddon at least until after the long weekend.
Posted 3 years ago # -
whoa,vorjack, you just totally gave me, like, an epiphany or something!
His name is Hey, Zeus!
He is pointing the way to the one True God, the Aegisholder, the Son of Kronos, and Father of the gods of Olympus, Almighty Zeus!
It was right there in his name all along!
I always used to think, "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus... There's just something about that name!"
Posted 3 years ago # -
I'd buy him a razor and a suit and get him laid.
Posted 3 years ago # -
I think I'd just nail his ass back up on a cross.
Posted 3 years ago # -
Family Guy always has some great Jesus bits:
Posted 3 years ago # -
Well, if you're not Jesus, then you won't care if I pee all over these Amy Grant albums!
Posted 3 years ago # -
Who is Amy Grant, and is does peeing on her involve Jesus?
Posted 3 years ago # -
Amy Grant is a crossover Christian singer from the 80's and 90's (she did a duet with Peter Cetera... "Next time I fall in love it will be with you" and also had the hit "Baby, baby... I'm taken with the notion, to love you with the sweetest of devotion" She is also famous for "El Shaddai". Ok- before you think I'm a total geek [and you may indeed already think that] just remember that I used to be a worship and praise leader (singer) at my church!).
Posted 3 years ago # -
First off, that was a reference to a line from a Family Guy episode.
Secondly, you don't know who Amy Grant is? You Lucky Devil, you!
She is a Contemporary Christian recording artist who was massively popular in the Christian market in the 1980's. She "crossed over" into the mainstream, hitting the secular pop music charts in the early 90's.
She and Country Music star Vince Gill collaborated on a lot of music, and it is widely believed that they "made some beautiful music together" on a non-professional basis as well - wink wink, nudge nudge.
Living in Nashville, I had far too much exposure to Ms. Grant as a child.
Posted 3 years ago # -
In the cartoon referenced, the main character finds Jesus working in a record store, concealing his true identity.
Threatening to pee on the Amy Grant albums is how he gets Jesus to break his 'cover'.
Posted 3 years ago # -
Damn you, LRA, now I've got "Baby, Baby" stuck in my head.
Anybody remember the flap she created with the video for that one? Apparently her Christians fanbase was shocked and horrified to realize that the male lead in the video was not her husband.
Posted 3 years ago # -
Cuz every since the day/ you put my hear in motion/ Baby I realized that there's just no getting over youuuuuuuuuuuuu---- over you!
:)
Posted 3 years ago # -
Ugh! Maranatha!
Posted 3 years ago # -
Thyyyyy word
Is a lamp unto my feet,
And a liiiiight untoooo my path!All together now!
Posted 3 years ago # -
Maaaake meeee
a serrrrvant
lord make me like you...Posted 3 years ago # -
"She and Country Music star Vince Gill collaborated on a lot of music"
Ah, well, country music gives me a rash, so that may explain it.
Posted 3 years ago # -
I lived in Nashville, "Music City, USA", Tennessee for 8 years of my life. You think YOU hate country music?
The Vince-n-Amy stuff was not country though. It was "adult contemporary".I rode on an elevator with the two of them once, at a Nashville Predators hockey game. It was awkward.
Posted 3 years ago # -
ugh, Amy Grant and Michael W. Smith... was a little young to be into Stryper and not cool enough for Petra
Posted 3 years ago # -
Gawd, that contemporary christian stuff is all I was allowed to listen to as a child. Jars of Clay, Newsboys, Audio Adrenaline, DC Talk, the list goes on and on.
Don't worry, I listen to good music now.
Posted 3 years ago # -
I would not be writing on this blog
Posted 3 years ago # -
He probably wouldn't appear to me in my home, so I'd just think it was some promotion at Old Navy or something. Jesus fleece. It's getting to be that time of year again. I would wonder if he walked out of a pancake or a jar of marmite directly, and I think aside from the mental illness and the culture shock, he could be pretty cool. He might learn to ski, that would be fun. Ride a bike, stuff they didn't have before. I assume as a grown man, he'd have been born as a child in our culture and know this stuff though. He wouldn't just appear as an adult, he didn't the last time. I like to think that a reincarnated Jesus would have no idea he was Jesus, so he might actually be cool, having forgotten the first time, and may be an atheist in this life.
Posted 3 years ago # -
Maybe you are Him!
Maybe I am!
whoa, you just totally fried my mind...
Posted 3 years ago #
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