Jabster
Member
Apparently the 2012 Olympics will be used as a cover to simpulate an alien invasion on then install a world goverment ...
http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2010/dec/05/olympic-games-2012-alien-conspiracy-theory
My favourite part is the statement at the end ...
'"What will people such as David do if nothing happens? "I'll be really bloody surprised," he says, "but if nothing happens, I'd say that the forces of good behind the scenes, like us, saved the day and the forces of evil were stopped."'
Yoav
Member
Wow, them aliens really work hard at these elaborate plans. If they spent 1% of the effort they put into manipulating the olympic mascot into achieving world domination we would have been under their heel for years by now.
What will people such as David do if nothing happens? "I'll be really bloody surprised," he says, "but if nothing happens, I'd say that the forces of good behind the scenes, like us, saved the day and the forces of evil were stopped.
This is the same as praying for the sick, if they get better it's proof that god listened to your prayers, if they die then he's moving in mysterious ways or it was this satan dude, so whatever happen it prove your faith is true.
Kodie
Member
I'm always afraid of the Olympics but not due to aliens. I have tended to disregard the Winter Olympics entirely since they shifted the year to the interim 2-years between Summer Olympics, and that's been 20 years-ish? I don't mind the sports, I just feel like it's not that big a deal anymore, and probably since I don't get jazzed up for the figure skating like I did when I was little.
But, I always think the Opening Ceremonies (for the Summer Olympics, otherwise called "real" Olympics or just "the Olympics" to me) will suck. I feel like they will just present some cheap, unorganized schlock they scrambled up at the last minute, executed so poorly, and it will be so embarrassing that I will die from watching it. Very little on TV has ever impressed me like the shows the different countries have put on for the Opening Ceremonies, that someone at some time must fail hard at it, someday, and that is how I will die.
raptor not rapture
Member
Someone should remind him of the laws of physics. There are most likely space aliens out there but the numbers speak for themselves. Considering the space between us and the nearest planets outside of our solar system, one would have to travel faster than the speed of light for hundreds of thousands of years or find one of Stephen Hawking's wormholes (which would be sweet!) to get here, and that sounds super hard to coordinate with the summer Olympics.
Also, the nearest alien life forms are most likely analogous to our bacteria or other eukaryotes, possibly an insect species. So, you know. Probably no space program yet.
Revyloution
Member
Thank you, thank you very much.
I actually wrote that one myself.
Instead of starting a thread on jokes that i've written, Ill just post a few here. It will be less painful that way.
Racist jokes always bothered me. Clown jokes are about clowns. Jewish jokes are about Jews. Racist jokes should be about racists.
How many racists does it take to screw in a light bulb? No one knows, they're all live in the dark.
Why did the racist say he was in favor of racial tolerance? He thought it was a NASCAR term.
The 'guy walks into a bar' genre will never die. Here is my contribution
A guy walks into a bar, and orders a pitcher of beer. Bartender asks for $12.50. The guy then hands him 2 -500 word essays. The bartender asks "what's this?"
The guy replies "Haven't you ever heard? A pitcher is worth a thousand words."
Darwin
Member
I liked the nerd joke. Here's one:
Why did Werner Heisenberg hate driving cars?
Because, every time he looked at the speedometer he got lost.
There's a wonderful family named Stein,
There's Ep, there's Gert, and there's Ein.
Ep's statues are junk,
Gert's poems are bunk,
And nobody understands Ein.
Jabster
Member
A good old Tommy Cooper joke ...
"I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
“He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library. I thought, "That's a turn-up for the books."”
Kodie
Member
I can't believe I'm still alive. It wasn't cheap and it was well organized for what it was, no crap like the security embarrassment foreshadowed. It was weird and spectacular in all the wrong ways and I kept waiting for the awe - this has to be leading to a "pow" moment or two, but no. Got better at the end. I like the torch. Basically all the volunteers they rehearsed to move sets in costume and that's not a show, is it? I didn't really understand the tribute to social media, it was the most embarrassing part. Hey, let's put on a play about how teenagers can't stop looking at their phones.
But I didn't die, so that's cool.
Kodie
Member
I'm actually having trouble finding a clip of that. I think the whole thing was a little too literal and hard to "read" from a seat in the house, some due to pre-recorded or super-imposed editing only seen on TV, and just a lot of people rolling up sod and getting it out of the way and nobody looked happy to be English; it wasn't a "Welcome Here, the next two weeks are going to be awesome" show, it was very British in the way that opening ceremonies portray local themes, just not "host-y". I've never seen anything like it. Lacked joy and excitement, missed any tribute to the unified tradition and glory of sport itself (unless NBC cut that too?). I don't hate the history or political aspect, it was just too literal and chaotically full.
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