Get Lazy for Jesus (Lectionary Study for Sun, Aug 4, 2013)

lazy jesus

Bible Cliff’s Notes (My dog ate my Bible!) First Reading Hosea 11:1-11 A poem of lament of sorts, spoken on God’s behalf. God is mourning the fact that the people of Israel continue to turn their backs on God, despite being delivered from Egyptian bondage and being sustained and nourished during the exodus. Instead, they worship pagan Gods and are inclined toward violence. Despite God’s disappointment, there is a vow not to strike out in anger, but to keep calling out to God’s … [Read more...]

Get Outa My Tent! (Heretic’s Guide for Sun, July 21, 2013)

tent girl

Bible Cliff’s Notes (My dog ate my Bible!) First Reading Amos 8:1-12 God shows the prophet Amos a basket of summer fruit and then proceeds to drop the cataclysmic prediction for the people of Israel on him. Aside from the general wailing, gnashing teeth and skies turned to darkness, the vision is one of a spiritual famine: one in which God's people search for God but will not find him. This, like our passage from Amos last week, has to do with the Northern Territory of Israel and its … [Read more...]

The Myth of the Self-Made Man (Heretic’s Guide for Sun. July 14, 2013)

guevara self made man

Bible Cliff’s Notes (My dog ate my Bible!) First Reading Amos 7:7-17 God tells Amos that he will hold a “plumb line” up against the people of Israel in an act of judgment. Amos, who is in the Northern Territory of Israel, begins to tell people to get ready for God's fierce judgment. Amaziah, a key priest in the court of King Jeroboam II, tells the king what Amos is saying and the King pressures Amos to heads south towards the territory Judah. Amos resists, and instead offers dire … [Read more...]

Life and Death Decisions (Lectionary Study for July 7, 2013)

life-and-death

Bible Cliff’s Notes (My dog ate my Bible!) First Reading 2 Kings 5:1-14 Naaman is a great warrior for King Aram but he suffers from leprosy.  Elisha invites Naaman to his house in order to be healed.  When Naaman gets there Elisha sends a servant felt tells him to bathe himself seven times in the river Jordan. Naaman is offended that Elisha doesn’t come out in person and almost goes home. But his servant convinces him to follow through on what Elisha has told him to do, and he is … [Read more...]

From Rock God to God Nerd (Lectionary Study for Sunday, June 30th)

wahlberg rock star

Bible Cliff’s Notes (My dog ate my Bible!) First Reading 2 Kings 2:1-2, 6-14 Elijah keeps trying to leave Elisha behind, but Elisha keeps following him everywhere. Elijah is getting ready to be swept up to heaven by God and Elisha asks for a double dose of his spirit Elijah gets swept from the banks of the River Jordan by a chariot of fire and Elisha freaks out. But based on his superpowers to separate the waters of the Jordan, it appears that his wish was granted. and 1 Kings … [Read more...]

Tyler Durden’s Gospel / Kings Behaving Badly (Heretic’s Guide for Sunday, June 16th, 2013)

tyler durden

Bible Cliff’s Notes (My dog ate my Bible!) First Reading 1 Kings 21:1-10, (11-14), 15-21a King Ahab wants Naboth’s vineyard but he won’t sell. So Jezebel, Ahab’s wife, sets Naboth up and has him killed. Elijah prophesies to Ahab that ruin will come upon him for doing this evil. (and) 2 Samuel 11:26-12:10, 13-15 King David marries Bathsheba after sending her husband, Uriah, to die in battle. The prophet Nathan calls David on his greed and David confesses his sin. Still, his … [Read more...]

God Hits the “Smite” Button (Bonus “Year D” Content For June 16, 2013)

god smite

God Hits the “Smite” Button A Heretic’s Guide to the Bible Bonus Readings from Beyond the Lectionary by David Ackerman for Proper 6: June 16, 2013 Bible Cliff’s Notes Gospel Matthew 12:43-45:  This is a strange statement by Jesus in which he talks about how an unclean spirit wanders through deserts after leaving a person and returns to the house from where it came.  It brings along seven spirits more evil than itself so that things are worse for the person than they were.  … [Read more...]

God is a Sock (Lectionary Study for Sunday, June 9th)

God-Is-A-Sock

Bible Cliff’s Notes (My dog ate my Bible!) First Reading 1 Kings 17:8-16, (17-24) A widow and her son living in Sidon are starving to death as the result of the famine. Elijah assures her that her food source will not run out. He also resurrects her son after he gets sick and dies. Because of this, she believes he is a man of God. Gospel Luke 7:11-17 Jesus arrives in the town of Nain with his disciples and a big following. A widow is taking her only son to be buried, when Jesus brings … [Read more...]

Elijah to the Baalites: “Your God Sucks!” (Lectionary Texts for Sun., June 2nd)

baal elijah

Bible Cliff’s Notes (My dog ate my Bible!) First Reading 1 Kings 18:20-21, (22-29), 30-39 Elijah challenges the prophets of the god Baal to a standoff. Both will prepare offerings to their gods, and will call on them to consume the offerings with fire. Baal does nothing, much to the chagrin of his prophets, but the God of Abraham consumes the offering with fire. And Elijah kind of rubs their noses in it. Gospel Luke 7:1-10 Jesus heals a Roman soldier’s slave. The Jewish people … [Read more...]

Hey, Wise Guy! (Lectionary Study for Sunday, May 26th, 2013)

curly howard

Bible Cliff’s Notes (My dog ate my Bible!) First Reading Proverbs 8:1-4, 22-31 Wisdom (a feminine figure) longs to reach out and share her message with all people. The claims that she (wisdom) has been around since the forming of the universe. We were fashioned, or co-created, by this wisdom, which is a “master worker” beside God. Gospel John 16:12-15 Jesus is heir to all that is of God. He vows, in turn, to entrust it to us. He notes that we can’t yet handle all he has to tell … [Read more...]