Hat tip to A New Kind of Christian<\/a><\/p>\n\u201cMONEY<\/p>\n
The Brits have peculiar words for many things. Money is
\n
referred to as \u2018goolies\u2019 in slang, so you should for instance say \u2018I\u2019d love to
\n
come to the pub but I haven\u2019t got any goolies.\u2019 \u2018Quid\u2019 is the modern word for
\n
what was once called a \u2018shilling\u2019 \u2013 the equivalent of seventeen cents
\n
American.<\/p>\n
MAKING FRIENDS<\/p>\n
If you are fond of someone, you
\n
should tell him he is a \u2018great tosser\u2019 \u2013 he will be touched. The English are a
\n
notoriously tactile, demonstrative people, and if you want to fit in you should
\n
hold hands with your acquaintances and tossers when you walk down the
\n
street.<\/p>\n
FOOD AND WINE<\/p>\n
British cuisine enjoys a well deserved
\n
reputation as the most sublime gastronomic pleasure available to man. Thanks to
\n
today\u2019s robust dollar, the American traveller can easily afford to dine out
\n
several times a week (rest assured that a British meal is worth interrupting
\n
your afternoon walk for). Few foreigners are aware that there are several grades
\n
of meat in the UK. The best cuts of meat, like the best bottles of gin, bear Her
\n
Majesty\u2019s seal, called the British Stamp of Excellence (BSE). When you go to a
\n
fine restaurant, tell your waiter you want BSE beef and won\u2019t settle for
\n
anything less. If he balks at your request, custom dictates that you jerk your
\n
head imperiously back and forth while rolling your eyes to show him who is
\n
boss.<\/p>\n
Once the waiter realises you are a person of discriminating taste,
\n
he may offer to let you peruse the restaurant\u2019s list of exquisite British wines.
\n
If he does not, you should order one anyway. The best wine grapes grow on the
\n
steep, chalky hillsides of Yorkshire and East Anglia \u2013 try an Ely \u201984 or Ripon
\n
\u201988 for a rare treat indeed.<\/p>\n
When the bill for your meal comes it will
\n
show a suggested amount. Pay whatever you think is fair, unless you plan to dine
\n
there again, in which case you should simply walk out; the restaurant host will
\n
understand that he should run a tab for
\n
you.<\/p>\n
TRANSPORTATION<\/p>\n
Public taxis are subsidised by the Her
\n
Majesty\u2019s Government. A taxi ride in London costs two pounds, no matter how far
\n
you travel. If a taxi driver tries to overcharge you, you should yell \u2018I think
\n
not, you charlatan!\u2019, then grab the nearest policeman (bobby) and have the
\n
driver disciplined.<\/p>\n
It is rarely necessary to take a taxi, though, since
\n
bus drivers are required to make detours at patrons\u2019 requests. Just board any
\n
bus, pay your fare of thruppence (the heavy gold-coloured coins are \u2018pence\u2019),
\n
and state your destination clearly to the driver, e.g.: \u2018Please take me to the
\n
British Library.\u2019 A driver will frequently try to have a bit of harmless fun by
\n
pretending he doesn\u2019t go to your requested destination. Ignore him, as he is
\n
only teasing the American tourist (little does he know you\u2019re not so
\n
ignorant!).<\/p>\n
For those travelling on a shoestring budget, the London Tube
\n
may be the most economical way to get about, especially if you are a
\n
woman.<\/p>\n
Chivalry is alive and well in Britain, and ladies still travel for
\n
free on the Tube. Simply take some tokens from the baskets at the base of the
\n
escalators or on the platforms; you will find one near any of the
\n
state-sponsored Tube musicians.<\/p>\n
Once on the platform, though, beware!
\n
Approaching trains sometimes disturb the large Gappe bats that roost in the
\n
tunnels. The Gappes were smuggled into London in the early 19th century by
\n
French saboteurs and have proved impossible to exterminate. The announcement
\n
\u2018Mind the Gappe!\u2019 is a signal that you should grab your hair and look towards
\n
the ceiling. Very few people have ever been killed by Gappes, though, and they
\n
are considered only a minor drawback to an otherwise excellent means of
\n
transportation.<\/p>\n
AIRPORTS<\/p>\n
One final note: for preferential
\n
treatment when you arrive at Heathrow airport, announce that you are a member of
\n
Shin Fane (an international Jewish peace organization-the \u2018shin\u2019 stands for
\n
\u2018shalom\u2019). As savvy travellers know, this little white lie will assure you
\n
priority treatment as you make your way through customs.<\/p>\n
Safe travels
\n
and Bon Voyage!<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Hat tip to A New Kind of Christian \u201cMONEY The Brits have peculiar words for many things. Money is referred to as \u2018goolies\u2019 in slang, so you should for instance say \u2018I\u2019d love to come to the pub but I haven\u2019t got any goolies.\u2019 \u2018Quid\u2019 is the modern word for what was once called a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1268,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-911","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n
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