{"id":217,"date":"2012-06-27T00:01:44","date_gmt":"2012-06-27T06:01:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/afewgrownmen\/?p=217"},"modified":"2012-06-26T08:51:18","modified_gmt":"2012-06-26T14:51:18","slug":"parenting-tips-from-a-serial-killer","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/afewgrownmen\/2012\/06\/parenting-tips-from-a-serial-killer\/","title":{"rendered":"Parenting Tips… from a Serial Killer"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

In the last year I\u2019ve done some research for two different books; one was on dads parenting daughters, and the other was on serial killers.<\/p>\n

I know, I know. Great combo, huh? It started with my research about the Columbine killers for the book I was writing about bullying<\/a>, but then my research expanded to look at serial killers. And you know what I discovered?<\/p>\n

Serial killers are way better at \u201cnoticing\u201d then most dads are.<\/em><\/p>\n

I\u2019m amazed how many serial killers lured their victims by noticing them and giving them attention. Bundy was quite a romantic. Gacy was actually a clown who entertained children at parties. Most of these guys were able to spot a vulnerability in young women (and young men) and exploit it.<\/p>\n

Call me taboo for even making the comparison, but it\u2019s pretty pathetic when a dad doesn\u2019t even take this kind of time and effort to \u201cnotice\u201d his kids. That\u2019s a pretty sad insult. \u201cBundy knows your daughter better than you do!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

I Failed<\/strong>
\nI need to hear this reminder of \u201cnoticing\u201d as much as anyone.<\/p>\n

A little over a year ago my daughter was having a really bad day. Okay\u2026maybe a bad month!<\/em> She began giving subtle signs\u2026and I missed them all!<\/em> Finally my dad called me up and said, \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong with Alyssa?\u201d<\/p>\n

I felt stupid. I said, \u201cI don\u2019t know. Why do you ask?\u201d<\/p>\n

He begins to tell me some things that he \u201cnoticed\u201d (my parents live just down the street and see the kids often). He noticed that she was moping around the house, she was quieter than normal, and she had posted a few Facebook posts that were a little on the depressing side. My dad caught all of these.<\/p>\n

I caught none!<\/em><\/p>\n

The sad thing is that I had asked Alyssa several times about how she was doing and heard the normal one-word answers, \u201cFine.\u201d I let it go, instead of being a good parent and putting a little more effort into it. Not being pushy, just creating an atmosphere where Alyssa would feel safe to open up and talk, something that usually only happens when our kids feel truly \u201clistened to.\u201d<\/p>\n

I took my daughter to breakfast the next day and I asked her if I could help. At first it was just more of, \u201cI\u2019m fine.\u201d But with some gentle effort on my part, she eventually shared what was on her mind. It was an amazing time of her talking and me just listening. No judging, no angry outbursts, just a daddy willing to catch his daughter if she fell, and extending a hand to pick her up. Most daughters welcome that.<\/p>\n

It starts with the simple act of \u201cnoticing.\u201d<\/p>\n