{"id":2468,"date":"2014-02-06T06:30:10","date_gmt":"2014-02-06T13:30:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/afewgrownmen\/?p=2468"},"modified":"2014-02-05T16:57:11","modified_gmt":"2014-02-05T23:57:11","slug":"spying-on-your-teenagers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/afewgrownmen\/2014\/02\/spying-on-your-teenagers\/","title":{"rendered":"Spying on Your Teenagers"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

It\u2019s interesting to observe how different parents feel about \u2018spying\u2019 on their kids.<\/p>\n

In my parenting workshops<\/a> across the country I always receive at least one question that sounds something like this: \u201cIs it okay for me to have my kids\u2019 passwords and see what they\u2019re doing on social media?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

If you asked teenagers, you know what their answer would be: \u201cNo way! That\u2019s an invasion of my privacy! It\u2019s like reading my diary!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Two years ago my then-16-year-old daughter Alyssa went with me to a parenting workshop as I laid out sample guidelines parents could use for their teenagers. One of those guidelines was parents having access to passwords and the freedom to read texts and social media<\/a>. After the workshop multiple parents came up to Alyssa and asked her, \u201cWhat do you think of your dad\u2019s rules?\u201d<\/p>\n

Alyssa answered candidly. \u201cOh, I have no problem with any of them except one- the fact that he thinks it\u2019s okay to read my texts. That\u2019s just wrong.\u201d<\/p>\n

We had to agree to disagree on that one\u2026 something parents need to do at times.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not alone on this issue. Some experts have gone as far as to claim<\/a>, \u201cWe have a duty to hack into our children\u2019s emails and monitor their texts.\u201d (Which I would probably take more seriously if this \u201cexpert\u201d realized barely any kids actually use email anymore.)<\/em><\/p>\n

Parents are as divided as Congress on this issue. Many parents think we need to give our kids complete freedom to learn these lessons on their own. Other think we should keep a careful watch.<\/p>\n

With the rise of teen smartphone ownership<\/a>, we\u2019re also seeing a rise in \u201ctracking\u201d and monitoring services, like mSpy Family<\/a>. mSpy is a mobile monitoring software solution allowing you to track every tiny detail of your kid\u2019s cell phone activities. Simpler solutions for younger kids exist, like FiLiP<\/a>, a watchlike GPS tracking device that allows one-way texting from parent to child and other safety features like a big red button they can push in case of an emergency!<\/p>\n

What\u2019s the Answer?<\/strong>
\nAre parents becoming too clingy? Are monitoring options like mSpy or FiLiP crossing the line?<\/p>\n

I think the key is keeping your eyes on the calendar.<\/p>\n

Parents need to realize that when their kids turn 18-years-old, they can join the Army, move out of the house\u2026 and do whatever they want<\/em>. The primary job parents need to consider is, are you preparing your kids for that day when they are going to be out on their own?<\/em><\/p>\n

How can we do this?<\/p>\n

The key is incremental independence. When your kids are young, you should be much more involved in their decision-making. As they get older, began equipping them to make more and more decisions on their own, with the goal of preparing them for that day when they are totally on their own.<\/p>\n

I include an added twist to this\u2014freeing my kids from all rules and restrictions at age 17\u00bd<\/a>. We figured, they can do whatever they want when they\u2019re 18 anyway, so why not get there six months early while they\u2019re still under our shadow? (More about how that turned out here<\/a>.)<\/p>\n

The key is looking for frequent opportunities during adolescence for them to practice discernment on their own.<\/p>\n

\u201cDad, can I download this app?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know, what do you think?\u201d<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Create an environment where your kids talk to you about the decisions they are making. As they become more mature, let them make the decisions\u2026 even fail<\/em>\u2026 and talk about the consequences, good and bad, afterwards.<\/p>\n

So use FiLiP if it helps your situation. Take advantage of products like mSpy if it provides opportunities to teach your kids discernment. A little accountability isn\u2019t such a bad thing. But bathe all these moments in conversations- dialogues, not monologues. Use every opportunity to equip your kids to make good decisions, especially as they approach the day where they\u2019ll be on their own.<\/p>\n

Are you preparing them for that day?<\/p>\n

IF YOU LIKE THIS ARTICLE, YOU\u2019LL LOVE JONATHAN\u2019S BOOK ABOUT SETTING REALISTIC GUARDRAILS WITH TECHNOLOGY, SHOULD I JUST SMASH MY KID\u2019S PHONE?<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s interesting to observe how different parents feel about \u2018spying\u2019 on their kids. In my parenting workshops across the country I always receive at least one question that sounds something like this: \u201cIs it okay for me to have my kids\u2019 passwords and see what they\u2019re doing on social media?\u201d If you asked teenagers, you […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1104,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[132,4,198,39],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2468","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-jonathan-mckee","category-parenting","category-social-media","category-youth-culture"],"yoast_head":"\nSpying on Your Teenagers<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"It\u2019s interesting to observe how different parents feel about \u2018spying\u2019 on their kids. 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