{"id":772,"date":"2012-10-10T16:37:44","date_gmt":"2012-10-10T22:37:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/afewgrownmen\/?p=772"},"modified":"2012-10-10T18:39:14","modified_gmt":"2012-10-11T00:39:14","slug":"a-guys-take-on-what-your-husband-isnt-telling-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/afewgrownmen\/2012\/10\/a-guys-take-on-what-your-husband-isnt-telling-you\/","title":{"rendered":"A Guy’s Take on “What Your Husband Isn’t Telling You”"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

<\/p>\n

Mutual understanding and communication are the best way to strengthen a marriage. But what\u2019s a wife to do if her husband won\u2019t talk?<\/p>\n

It is no big secret that most men have difficulty understanding and expressing their feelings. It\u2019s also no surprise that this frustrates women, who tend to be very good at getting in touch with their own feelings. Indeed, many marital problems can be traced back to a breakdown in communication between husband and wife. Scores of books have been written about how to remedy this situation. David Murrow\u2019s new book, What Your Husband Isn\u2019t Telling You: A Guided Tour of a Man\u2019s Body, Soul, and Spirit<\/em><\/a>, takes a unique approach to resolving this problem.<\/p>\n

In the introduction, Murrow writes: \u201cI want you [wives] to understand the powerful forces that shaped your man, and the currents that roil him every day. I want to teach you how to be honest with your husband as a way of helping him to be honest with you.\u201d The approach is a good one. If wives can at least understand why their men think, feel, and act the way they do, perhaps they can encourage them to open up and step out of their \u201ccages of self protection.\u201d<\/p>\n

The book unfolds in five sections. Part One develops Murrow\u2019s basic premise, that \u201cevery fear, dysfunction, and insecurity in a man\u2019s life flows from either an overdeveloped or underdeveloped need to provide or protect<\/em>\u201d <\/em>[emphasis mine]. The next three sections give an overview of how the provider\/protector instincts impact a man\u2019s body, soul, and spirit, respectively. Finally, Part Five offers suggestions for wives about how to \u201cfree\u201d their husbands\u2019 bodies, souls, and spirits.<\/p>\n

The first thing to keep in mind when reading this book is that Murrow paints with a very broad brush, and that by doing so he opens himself up to the charge of stereotyping. However, he\u2019s up front about this concern and addresses it in the introduction: \u201cYou may also feel at some point I\u2019m stereotyping the genders\u2026.I can\u2019t very well write a book about men without drawing some general conclusions about them.\u201d Murrow\u2019s broad brush paints both ways. A few paragraphs later, he writes, \u201cI will spend a lot of time describing women behaving badly in this book. Does this make me a woman basher? Absolutely not. But sometimes a woman contributes to her husband\u2019s dysfunction without realizing it.\u201d<\/p>\n

So, understanding that Murrow\u2019s insights are given in general terms, what did I, as a guy, think of it?<\/p>\n

First, I have to confess that I am an atypical male. I don\u2019t, as a rule, like sports. I\u2019m not into hunting, fishing, camping or other \u201cguy stuff.\u201d As a matter of fact, I find most of these things slightly less pleasurable than a root canal. Given the choice, I\u2019d take a Broadway show over a baseball game any day of the week. I\u2019m artistic, musical, and my emotions lie close to the surface.<\/p>\n

Thus, you might think that I wouldn\u2019t identify with this book.<\/p>\n

On the contrary, I found that many of the author\u2019s statements resonated deeply with me. And, even though I\u2019m definitely not the typical male, I saw myself described in these pages.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not sure about the validity of anthropological theories (e.g. Provider \/ Protector) that Murrow uses to support his assertions about why men think the way they do. However, I do believe that\u2014broad brush notwithstanding\u2014he paints an accurate picture.<\/p>\n

Murrow\u2019s stated goal in the book is to depict \u201cwhat average guys (Christian and non-Christian) think all the time but never tell their wives.\u201d<\/p>\n

I believe he accomplished that goal.<\/p>\n

Having said that, I believe the book falls short in practical application.<\/p>\n

In all fairness to the author, he explains up front that the book is intended to be \u201cmore descriptive<\/em> than prescriptive<\/em>\u201d [emphasis his]. His goal is to help wives understand what makes their husbands tick, not to provide specific solutions. Nevertheless, in chapters 15 through 17 he goes on to offer a number of suggestions for wives who want to help set their husbands free from their cages of self-protection. Some of the suggestions are good; others, I thought, are simplistic at best.<\/p>\n

I think some\u2014perhaps many\u2014women will consider the suggestions sexist, and discount the content of the book because of that.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s unfortunate, because I believe that What Your Husband Isn\u2019t Telling You <\/em>can give wives a generally accurate window into a their husband\u2019s mind, heart, fears, and struggles.<\/p>\n

Ideally, wives and husbands will read this book together and discuss it. That\u2019s what my wife and I are doing.<\/p>\n

Because mutual understanding and communication is the best way to strengthen a marriage.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Mutual understanding and communication are the best way to strengthen a marriage. But what\u2019s a wife to do if her husband won\u2019t talk? It is no big secret that most men have difficulty understanding and expressing their feelings. It\u2019s also no surprise that this frustrates women, who tend to be very good at getting in […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1103,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[31,15,83,82,1],"tags":[11,58,8,18,9,28,202,7,14,88,89],"class_list":["post-772","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-book-review","category-marriage","category-masculinity","category-mens-studies","category-uncategorized","tag-boys","tag-dads","tag-emotions","tag-fear","tag-healing","tag-males","tag-marriage","tag-men","tag-sons","tag-understanding-husbands","tag-wives"],"yoast_head":"\nA Guy's Take on "What Your Husband Isn't Telling You"<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Mutual understanding and communication are the best way to strengthen a marriage. But what's a wife to do if her husband won't talk? 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