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<\/a>In my last three columns, I\u2019ve examined many of the contentious issues around sacred sexuality and the teaching of sex magick.\u00a0 I\u2019ve dealt with ethics, protection, confrontation of lifestyles and a lot of very serious matters.\u00a0 You can read them here<\/a>, here<\/a>, and here<\/a>. \u00a0This week I conclude the series with a look at the practicalities.<\/p>\n Many of us choose to worship our gods and goddesses in a sexual way.\u00a0 Some of us engage in Great Rite to unify with our deities sexually.\u00a0 Some of us are called to become sacred prostitutes and heal with sacred sex.\u00a0 Some of us are godspouses<\/a>; we are bonded with a particular deity, whom we may or may not unite with sexually on a regular basis, and that deity asks a great deal of us but also looks after us.\u00a0 And some of us are Vestal Virgins or just not interested.<\/p>\n Just as there are infinite variations in human sexuality, there are infinite variations in ways to relate to the Divine through sex.\u00a0 As long as no one is getting hurt, none of them are wrong.\u00a0 Great Rite can be done in an almost infinite variety of ways, in pairs or in groups or through solitary masturbation, through whatever gender(s) or cultures as desired.\u00a0 I have personally drawn down the moon to lie with the Lord in the form of a priest, drawn down the sun to lie with the Lady in the form of a priestess, served as a cheval<\/em> for Erzulie, called to gods and goddesses to couple with me in the wilderness and in my bedroom, sometimes one at a time and sometimes in groups, and Herne and I have a . . . thing.\u00a0 Storm Faerywolf<\/a> has some marvelous work on his website on queer sex magick that I referenced in my book.\u00a0 I think there\u2019s room for all of this, and I think people who don\u2019t like that should get over themselves.<\/p>\n So what if you feel called to engage in sacred sex with a deity and you don\u2019t know where to start or who to ask about it?<\/p>\n First of all, determine if the entity you are dealing with really is a deity.\u00a0 Logically, if gods and goddesses can exist in forms that you can engage with sexually, other entities probably exist like that too.\u00a0 Ever heard of a succubus or an incubus?\u00a0 They\u2019re out there.\u00a0 So how do you know the difference?\u00a0 Well, the answer is, does it make you feel good, or not?\u00a0 Do you feel tired and drained after interacting with this spirit-being?\u00a0 Do you feel ashamed and guilty and unable to help yourself?\u00a0 Chances are, this is not a creature with your best interests in mind and you should banish it, cast it out, and ward against it.<\/p>\n Coupling with the gods should be invigorating, empowering, and liberating.\u00a0 Your soul should feel rejuvenated and enlivened, even if your body is tired (Erzulie can sure wear out the mortal flesh!)\u00a0 It should be a transcendent, powerful and holy experience.\u00a0 Just like in human relationships, it\u2019s not a relationship unless it\u2019s good for you.<\/p>\n So what happens, one might ask, if, say, one of the Greek deities chooses you and, just like in the myths, doesn\u2019t give you much of a choice?\u00a0 I would argue that rape is rape is rape, whether it\u2019s the gods who do it or mortals, so drive them out anyway.\u00a0 Maybe seek out another deity to protect you.<\/p>\n You think I\u2019m kidding?\u00a0 You think this is hubris?\u00a0 Maybe it is<\/em> hubris.\u00a0 But I believe that we are co-creators with the gods and we have the right to free will.\u00a0 If a god is not benefitting your life and your soul, then that being is no better than a demon.<\/p>\n What if you feel called to \u201cAphrodite work?\u201d\u00a0 Well, be practical about it.\u00a0 I subscribe to a blog called The Honest Courtesan<\/a>; Maggie McNeil has some great practical advice.\u00a0 Always practice safe sex.\u00a0 And always be up front with your lovers or your partners about your calling.\u00a0 Also, be sure it\u2019s a calling, and not you trying to deal with a guilt complex, past traumas, or addictive behavior.<\/p>\n Finding others to work with can be challenging.\u00a0 First of all, how do you ask?\u00a0 Secondly, what if you are not interested in engaging in sex with another person in the group?\u00a0 What if you\u2019re in a tradition that initiates traditionally and you\u2019re ready to take your Third Degree and you think the priest smells funny?\u00a0 We all have our personal sexual interests and quirks.\u00a0 What if most of the group is straight and you\u2019re gay?\u00a0 What if you just don\u2019t like big breasts and one of the women in the group has triple Es?\u00a0 What if you don\u2019t like another person in the group?\u00a0 Also, how do you avoid groups that are unethical or possibly threatening?<\/p>\n Ideally, in the spirit of \u201cperfect love and perfect trust\u201d we should<\/em> be able to find the Divine in anyone.\u00a0 But in reality it just doesn\u2019t work that way.\u00a0 Much of the time we\u2019re not even consciously aware of why we are attracted to one person but not another (it might be smell<\/a>, by the way; apparently studies indicate that much of our sex drive is connected to smell).\u00a0 Again, I think the key is complete transparency.\u00a0 Just be honest.\u00a0 And try not to take rejection personally.\u00a0 One person\u2019s trash is another\u2019s treasure, remember?\u00a0 I like curvy women myself so I\u2019ll probably be perfectly delighted to work with the lady with the triple E brassiere if you don\u2019t want to!<\/p>\n Also, I think we can take instruction from the various swinger and kink communities.\u00a0 First, clarify everything that is going to happen in advance.\u00a0 Second, ask if everyone is okay with that.\u00a0 In couples work, clarify with each other at each step of the way that everything is still<\/em> okay.\u00a0 In groups, there should be a referee who is organizing and communicating that.\u00a0 Remember that anyone can change his or her mind at any time and only yes means yes; an absence of a \u201cno\u201d is not<\/em> permission!\u00a0 Establish conditions and safe words, and never continue when someone has asked that things stop.\u00a0 Don\u2019t ask why and don\u2019t try to persuade them to continue; just stop<\/em>.<\/p>\n Seeking others is probably best grown out of natural circumstances.\u00a0 Perhaps you may meet a group of like-minded people at the Sabbat or the Gnostic Mass.\u00a0 Maybe you might meet a bunch of Pagans at the local fetish club (I\u2019d be surprised if you didn\u2019t, actually.)\u00a0 If you allow anyone else into the group, screen your candidates carefully first.\u00a0 Make sure they\u2019re a good fit before you start playing together.\u00a0 And yes, that includes physical elements as well as personality elements; you don\u2019t want to pair the skinny chick with a guy who prefers BBWs, and you don\u2019t want to pair the Sasquatch\u2019s cousin with the man who prefers his men to be smooth.\u00a0 There\u2019s nothing wrong with preferring one thing to another, any more than it\u2019s wrong to prefer chocolate ice cream to vanilla; but there\u2019s no need to deride the vanilla ice cream because it isn\u2019t chocolate either.<\/p>\n As to finding ethical groups; interview group members.\u00a0 Interview other people who have had experiences with that group.\u00a0 Do not trust to hearsay but be aware of a negative reputation and proceed cautiously.\u00a0 Bonewitz\u2019s Cult Evaluation Guide<\/a> serves especially well in this regard; don\u2019t be afraid to use it.\u00a0 And if at any time you are unhappy, feel free to express your concerns and if you feel you ought to, leave.\u00a0 Trust your gut and never do anything about which you are uncertain<\/a>.<\/p>\n And what if you\u2019re just not interested in this sex business at all?\u00a0 You know what?\u00a0 That\u2019s cool too.\u00a0 Don\u2019t feel you have some obligation to get involved just because others around you do!\u00a0 I\u2019ll defend your right to stay out of the pool.\u00a0 I\u2019ll even make sure to come and hang out with you on the dock for a while.<\/p>\n I have run into situations in which people in monogamous relationships feel a genuine calling to engage in a spiritual sexual practice that they feel trumps the situation in their relationship.\u00a0 I personally believe that the only ethical thing to do in that situation is to end the relationship. [1] \u00a0If you are the person who is so conflicted, you have the obligation to inform the people you intend to practice with of the conditions of your relationship and let them make their own decisions.\u00a0 I have heard of this occurring more than once and have been placed in the awkward position myself of having been misled in this regard.\u00a0 Not cool.\u00a0 Do not ever do that to another person.<\/p>\n Also, be transparent as to expectations.\u00a0 If you\u2019re going to call upon Pan or drum up Erzulie, people should know that things might get . . . interesting.\u00a0 Please warn them.\u00a0 If you\u2019re doing a fertility spell, it\u2019s only fair to alert the man you\u2019re spending the night with, since he might have to pay you child support for eighteen years.\u00a0 Non-consensual magick is a violation of free will and that\u2019s not cool; remember?\u00a0 And for the love of the gods, don\u2019t be casting lust spells or frigidity spells on people!<\/p>\n Some festivals are sexual.\u00a0 Some aren\u2019t.\u00a0 Some have specific places dedicated to sexual themes.\u00a0 Here\u2019s my advice; don\u2019t cross the line.\u00a0 Don\u2019t take your orgy out of the Pan\u2019s Lair if that\u2019s where such things are designated; don\u2019t bring your kids to the adult Beltane.\u00a0 Respect each other\u2019s boundaries.<\/p>\n Don\u2019t cross the line in regards to limits and boundaries either.\u00a0 The woman you had a casual fling with at Beltane might not want a relationship; don\u2019t take it personally and don\u2019t act like you\u2019re in one.\u00a0 Don\u2019t go touching people without permission; even the hugging that people often do freely at festivals is a violation of personal space if you haven\u2019t asked and might be very triggering for someone.<\/p>\n Don\u2019t pressure people.\u00a0 Some people just aren\u2019t interested. Some people just aren\u2019t sexual at all.<\/a>\u00a0 There\u2019s nothing wrong with that; they\u2019re just not interested.\u00a0 Leave them alone.<\/p>\n One idea that I have picked up from a sexually-themed event I have attended in my area: because of our cultural biases, it is a good idea to put the right and responsibility of proposition in the hands of women at large, mixed-gender gatherings.\u00a0 Rightfully or wrongfully, men are often perceived as being pushy about sex.\u00a0 When women have the power and the responsibility to broach the question, there\u2019s less chance that anyone will feel coerced.\u00a0 It helps to create a safe space.<\/p>\n I thought this issue was resolved back in the nineties, but I have recently run into situations that tell me that it bears revisiting.\u00a0 In the sixties and seventies, when Witchcraft was sexy, people were engaging in unprotected sex all the time with multiple partners in all kinds of different situations.\u00a0 In the age of AIDS, I believe this is no longer realistic and we are obligated to practice safe sex.<\/p>\n There are certain practices involved in sex magick that you therefore can\u2019t do; not without a great deal of preparation and planning, and also, the full, transparent consent of everyone involved.\u00a0 For instance there are different magickal properties associated with comingled bodily fluids, which sometimes are used to bless talismans and sometimes consumed.\u00a0 I believe the only ethical way to handle that is complete honesty, STD testing, or even limiting things to couples or groups who are already \u201cfluid bonded.\u201d<\/p>\n In group activities, there needs to be special care taken with this.\u00a0 I would even suggest that one person be appointed as an officer to look out for such things (is the condom on properly?\u00a0 Did the fluids of one couple get cleaned up before they broke off to engage with others?\u00a0 Where was her tongue before she moved it to that spot?)\u00a0 Gloves and dental dams, safes and lube need to be applied to all toys as well as body-parts.\u00a0 Safe sex aids can be blessed and consecrated just like any other magickal tool (though I\u2019d advise you skip the salt water.)<\/p>\n I hope that if nothing else, I have sparked some thought and discussion.\u00a0 Be safe, be ethical, and celebrate the Divine according to your own free will \u2013 an it harm none.<\/p>\n Next column: <\/strong><\/em>Divination vs. Free Will <\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n [1] \u00a0I recommend Shauna Aura Knight\u2019s great blog post<\/a> on this subject.<\/p>\n Seekers and Guides<\/em>\u00a0is published on alternate Mondays. Follow it via\u00a0RSS<\/a>\u00a0or\u00a0e-mail<\/a>!<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Sable Aradia concludes her series on sex magick and sacred sexuality with some practical advice for those who wish to practice.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1343,"featured_media":6620,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[330,10,604,617,374,187],"tags":[1177,1175,25,26,1137,933,1061,479,235,185,175],"class_list":["post-6604","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-columns","category-love-sex-relationships","category-magick2","category-ritual-practice","category-seekers-and-guides","category-theology-ethics","tag-alternative-sexualities","tag-festival-sex","tag-pagan","tag-paganism","tag-sex-magic","tag-sex-magick","tag-sexual-exploitation","tag-sexual-harassment","tag-sexuality","tag-wicca","tag-witchcraft"],"yoast_head":"\nGetting Jiggy with the Gods<\/h2>\n
Finding People to Practice With<\/h2>\n
Honesty is a Pagan Ethic<\/h2>\n
Festival Advice<\/h2>\n
Safe Sex Magick<\/h2>\n
Conclusion<\/h2>\n
\n