Did I mention this carpet smells?<\/div>\n
<\/p><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/table>\n
I think some mosques are heading in the right direction in terms of the things and activities they hold. My mosque for example holds an annual Open House for non-Muslims and we invite church groups to come to the mosque and learn a little bit about Islam. It\u2019s all about dialogue and whatnot.<\/p>\n
Unfortunately sometimes there is some miscommunication and misunderstanding between the two faiths. Here are some tragic events that could occur at the mosque on Open House day.<\/p>\n
Carpet Woes<\/b><\/p>\n
You busted yourself vacuuming and shampooing the mosque\u2019s carpet only to realize the non-Muslims forgot to take their shoes off. Flip man. There are several paths to take now. You can try the subtle route:<\/p>\n
\u201cYou like shoes? I don\u2019t. They SUCK.\u201d<\/p>\n
OR<\/p>\n
\u201cHey you know what feels great? The feeling of carpet brushing up against your socks or bare feet.\u201d<\/p>\n
Or just be blunt and say how you\u2019re really feeling.<\/p>\n
\u201cGet your damn shoes off the carpet. Can\u2019t you read the damn sign?\u201d <\/p>\n
Or just not say anything and simply tackle the person to the ground and take their shoes off without asking them. They should get the picture that way.<\/p>\n
Crazy Uncle Who Didn\u2019t Know It Was Open House Day<\/b><\/p>\n
Imagine just some random mosque goer who happened to forget it was the mosque\u2019s open house day? He\u2019d be in shock to see non-Muslims all over the place. He\u2019d think they were invading or something.<\/p>\n
Like you can imagine this crazy uncle stepping fresh off the wudu area, drenched in water and still comprehending the fact that the parking lot was full outside when normally there is two cars for Zuhr. Well seeing the prayer area filled with Non-Muslim women won\u2019t really whet his appetite. That is, non-Muslim women who might be wearing a hijab out of respect for the Muslims there but still be wearing tanktops and miniskirts. Hey it\u2019s the thought that counts but the crazy uncle sees otherwise.<\/p>\n
\u201cTHIS IS THE HOUSE OF ALLAH!\u201d shouts the crazy uncle.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt sure is. Hi, I\u2019m Susan,\u201d replies one of the female patrons as she sticks out her hand. <\/p>\n
\u201cASTAGFIRULLAH!\u201d<\/p>\n
Then the crazy uncle will run off to the basement to see if he actually is inside the right building. Lo and behold a wonderful community-like speech is occurring.<\/p>\n
Non-Muslim Keynote Speaker<\/b><\/p>\n
Your mosque would probably invite a local politician or mayor in town to share a few words regarding the city\u2019s stance on multiculturalism or religious diversity or something. Unfortunately most talks I know all start the same way: with the obligatory non-Muslim speaker somehow butchering the Muslim greeting.<\/p>\n
\u201cSorry if I don\ufffdt get this right \u2013 Ass- Assalam.. Assa-\u201c<\/p>\n
\u201cMUSLIMS DON\u2019T SAY ASS!\u201d shouts the crazy uncle from the crowd. <\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m terribly sorry. Uhhh \u2013 Ass-lam-akay-kum.\u201d<\/p>\n
*Muslims in crowd burst out in laughter* <\/p>\n
\u201cOkay screw this \u2013 Hi.\u201d<\/p>\n
To make matters worse, they might start making \u2018Muslim\u2019 jokes to lighten up the atmosphere. Bad idea with a culturally sensitive crowd. Here are some possible botched jokes:<\/p>\n
\u201cMy name is Mike Kafsteenberger but you can call me Kafir for short.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t want to steal too much of your time \u2013 you might slice my hands off or something.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI feel sorry for a lot of you \u2013 you can\u2019t use your Air Miles because half of you are probably on the No-Fly list anyway. What a bummer.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHam seriously tastes great. If only it was Hal-al for you folks.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you mind if I pray with you fellows?\u201d<\/b><\/p>\n
What a recipe for disaster. It\u2019s nice that non-Muslims want to \u2018experience\u2019 the prayer but things like this could get extremely awkward.<\/p>\n
Like I always imagine having this oblivious non-Muslim guy \u2018pray\u2019 beside me while in full congregation with everyone. He\u2019d be constantly looking over at me in middle of prayer. Time to time he\u2019ll ask me questions.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo have I got it right? It\u2019s right hand over left hand right? Are they placed on the belly button or below?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201c\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHello?!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201c\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh dear me. I must say you aren\u2019t the talkative type.\u201d<\/p>\n
He\u2019d also make strange comments throughout the prayer:<\/p>\n
During Raku [the part where we bow down]: \u201cI can touch my toes \u2013 can you?\u201d
\nDuring Sujood #1 [the part when our head is on the ground]: \u201cMan this carpet smells.\u201d
\nDuring Sujood #2 [same as above, only second time]: \u201cDid I mention this carpet smells?\u201d
\nDuring Tashahud Position [part where we are sitting]: \u201cWhat on earth are you doing with your finger?\u201d
\nDuring Salam [part where we end prayer and turn our heads]: \u201cHi there \u2013 miss me?\u201d<\/p>\n
After prayer I told him he made a few mistakes like stepping on my toes because he took the \u2018close the gaps\u2019 advice too literally and not doing his wudu before prayer. Even if he had wudu, by the smell of things it sounded like he would have lost it several times throughout the prayer anyway.<\/p>\n
Oh and talking. That\u2019s a no-no.<\/p>\n
Aggressive Tour Guide<\/b><\/p>\n
When it was time to organize small groups of tours, chaos broke loose. It\u2019s natural for the non-Muslim visitors to be inquisitive and ask questions. It\u2019s NOT natural for the tour guides to treat it like some fanatical debate.<\/p>\n
\u201cHi there \u2013 my name is Susan. I was just curious as to why women pray in the back?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWHAT? DO YOU THINK WE SHOULD PRAY SIDE BY SIDE LIKE SOME SUPERMARKET?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo it\u2019s just that\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPROVE TO ME THAT JESUS IS THE SON OF GOD. PROVE IT NOW. NOWHERE IN THE BIBLE DOES IT SAY THE TRINITY EXISTS!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cActually I\u2019m Jewish and\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cISRAELI THIEVES. FREE PALESTINE!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m actually against the occupa\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTHIS TOUR IS OVER!\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/i><\/p>\n
Hamzah Moin is the creator of The Brown Times<\/a> and Maniac Muslim<\/a>, where this article was previously featured. He was last seen buying a halal chicken burger at a cafeteria that no longer exists.\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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