Unfortunately, the elevation change from near sea-level to around 3500 feet was hard on her (I experienced this too returning from China). But for me the run was wonderful<\/span>. At about 8.5 miles I sank into the <\/span>zone<\/span>, which I can only describe as \u201csitting\u201d into the run<\/span>. It literally feels as if I sit a little. And then I lean forward, and the motion becomes effortless. If I don\u2019t lean, I have to work with my legs to push myself. If I lean too far, I have to work with my legs to keep from stumbling. But at just the right pitch, my body\u2019s weight carries me forward and my back actually pulls my legs forward under me with each step<\/span>. I think I\u2019m doing Chi-running (a technique worth googling and trying out). In any case it\u2019s fun and feels great<\/span>.<\/p>\n In New York last week I was lucky enough to spend some time with one ex, Ana, that I dated a while back<\/span>. Our break-up wasn\u2019t horrible, but definitely sad, and no doubt with its share of hurt feelings. After that it took nearly a year to get back in touch a bit and now finally seeing her again was great. Our new friendship seemed to pick up right where our relationship had left off, without missing a beat. <\/p>\n There was a deep, unspoken comfort <\/span>between us; a comfort perhaps aided by my knowing that she has a boyfriend and her knowing that I have a girlfriend and both of us knowing that the other is an honest and faithful person<\/span>. So there were no worries about romantic tensions one way or the other, just \u201cus,\u201d two people who had shared a bit of their lives, reminiscing, catching up, talking about where the future may take us.<\/p>\n It was much like my experiences with Toni, an ex from a few more years back with whom I try to meet for coffee or ice cream at least once a year. I recall meeting with her once, several months after our break-up and feeling quite an uncomfortable romantic tension;<\/span> perhaps in part due to the proximity of our romance, but more so I think because we both were single. Our comfort level allowed us to move right back into habits from when we were<\/span> together, habits including much laughter, wine, and sitting close together for a movie \u2013 and of course the habits go further \u2013 but the fact that we were now friends, not lovers, created a tension (for me at least).<\/p>\n Nothing happened, and we discussed the tension later, readdressing the reasons for our break-up and our mutual needs which could not be fulfilled by the other. All very rational, with the expected tinge of sadness.<\/p>\n There are other ex\u2019s worthy of mention:<\/span> Megan, who I\u2019ve bumped into a couple times over the last couple years but never really reconnected with, Leandra, with whom I\u2019m now at least connected with through facebook (for what that\u2019s worth), and Cary, a small town Montana girl who seems to have disappeared pretty completely.<\/p>\n Then there are <\/span>those two<\/span>. <\/span>The one that I was a complete jerk to, and the one who was a complete jerk to me (karma?). The woman I was a complete jerk to in our break-up, Rachel, I dated nearly a decade ago. The woman who was quite awful to me was more recent. Neither, though, have I had any real contact with since\u2026<\/p>\n I thought about writing a blog post titled \u201ctwo letters\u201d about the letters I would like to write to each, mostly asking forgiveness from Rachel, and offering forgiveness to this other woman. <\/span>Importantly, I would note that the jerkyness comes in large part from mental illness, a topic that deserves far, far more attention than it gets. I, at the time of my jerkyness, was deep in depression. It took several years of medication and work before, at the age of 24, I was able to use meditation as a primary defense against this illness. But my sense is that Rachel, a devout Catholic, has likely found within herself a place of forgiveness, many times over already.<\/p>\n The other woman I worry about sometimes. I know she has a history of troubled relationships, originating far back into her childhood. <\/span>Having spent time with both of her divorced parents, I think that each has relatively unhealthy coping mechanisms (and perhaps disorders of this or that sort) that likely transferred onto her. And while she is lovely, intelligent, hard working, and more, she is also likely blind to many of the destructive aspects of her personality such as wild mood swings and occasional disconnections with reality.<\/p>\n Two letters.<\/span><\/p>\n Asking forgiveness of a woman that I believe to have already offered it countless times.<\/p>\n Offering forgiveness to a woman who may not even see the harm she has caused.<\/p>\n (advice, feedback, comments most welcome)<\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n Today I ran 10 miles. That might sound like a lot, but after my marathon training, it qualifies as either a long \u201cshort\u201d run or a rather short \u201clong\u201d run. Today it fit in the latter category, as I accompanied my girlfriend, Julie, on the long run for her own marathon training. She is fresh […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":118,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-266","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/blogger.googleusercontent.com\/tracker\/7907151-6388038630550088507?l=americanbuddhist.blogspot.com\")