At one level, forgiveness means you shouldn\u2019t develop feelings of revenge. Revenge harms the other person. It is a form of violence and usually leads to counter-violence \u2013 so the problem never goes away. At another level, forgiveness means you should try not to develop feelings of anger toward your enemy. Anger doesn\u2019t solve the problem. It brings uncomfortable feelings to yourself and destroys your own peace of mind.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Anger doesn\u2019t just ruin your peace of mind, it can make you physically sick. In an article last year on \u201cthe science of forgiveness<\/a>,\u201d journalist\u00a0Megan Feldman Bettencourt described the many physiological effects of holding tight to anger and blame. Here the ties between physical health and emotional happiness are bountifully apparent, as the article\u2019s subtitle tells us,\u00a0\u201cWhen you don\u2019t forgive you release all the chemicals of the stress response.\u201d<\/p>\n
In her book, Triumph of the Heart: Forgiveness in an Unforgiving World<\/a>, she explores further the lives changed through the process of forgiveness, drawing \u201con cutting-edge research showing that forgiveness can provide a range of health benefits, from relieving depression to decreasing high blood pressure. She examines situations as mundane as road rage, as painful as cheating spouses, and as unthinkable as war crimes.\u201d<\/p>\n
Image via pixabay<\/a>.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n In reading stories of forgiveness, it becomes apparent that anger itself is not unwarranted or unhealthy. But hanging on to anger<\/em> is. The act of forgiveness is not for the other person, though often times what could have been an impassable rift between two beings is healed. The real importance comes in healing oneself which allows not only greater peace and happiness in one\u2019s own life, but ensures that the harm does not get passed on down the line. The stories again show that those who cause harm are themselves almost always victims of past abuse.<\/p>\n
As Feldman Bettencourt noted:<\/p>\n
even though [forgiveness]\u00a0involves parts of the brain responsible for reason, it also requires a counterintuitive, and some would argue, irrational, choice: \u201cYou wronged me, but I forgive you, anyway.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
This moment of truth, \u201cyou wronged me\u201d is important. Especially as we see so much widespread racial and religious violence in our world today. A movement from denial to forgiveness is useless (see spiritual bypassing<\/a>). But the move from the\u00a0truth<\/em> of the harm to forgiveness is also essential. As Zen teacher Wayne Codling recently wrote<\/a>, we too often cling to\u00a0rightness<\/em> (or righteousness) at the expense of kindness.<\/p>\n
In a Buddhist morality the importance of punishment is diminished and our whole moral structure takes on a softer configuration. Meticulous morality becomes more of a scrupulous morality. This means less behaviour that is energized by fear and more behaviour motivated by a sense of personal value and balance. Meditation is the activity that allows that small shift to occur: initially as a recognition of its veracity and then as an evolving reference point for thought, word and deed.<\/p>\n
Zen meditation teaches the techniques of reducing toward zero such internal activities as judgments, opinions and attachments of all kinds. When we pay attention to our breath, the mind trends toward stillness and calm. Having zero desire beyond breath and posture, there is little suffering. In meditation we reduce suffering in which we are complicit and by doing not-doing we are not the cause of further harm to beings.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
\u201cThey insulted me; they hurt me;
\nthey defeated me; they cheated me.\u201d
\nIn those who harbor such thoughts,
\nhate will never cease.<\/p>\n\u201cThey insulted me; they hurt me;
\nthey defeated me; they cheated me.\u201d
\nIn those who do not harbor such thoughts,
\nhate will cease.<\/p>\nFor hate is never conquered by hate.
\nHate is conquered by love.
\nThis is an eternal law.
\nMany do not realize that we must all come to an end here;
\nbut those who do realize this, end their quarrels at once.<\/p>\nDhammapada, chapter 1<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Barry Kerzin is an extraordinary person. A medical doctor, a philosopher, and a Tibetan Buddhist monk. He has been featured on PBS advocating for more compassion in medicine\u00a0and has given two TED talks, one on happiness and the other on\u00a0compassion and anger management. Today he writes on forgiveness: At one level, forgiveness means you shouldn\u2019t […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":118,"featured_media":6096,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[189,5,3,24],"tags":[516,37],"class_list":["post-6095","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-buddhism-today","category-buddhist-ethics","category-happiness","category-health","tag-buddhist-ethics","tag-violence"],"yoast_head":"\n
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