![\"The](\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/604\/2015\/06\/The-Case-for-Serial-Monogamy-Patheos-Andy-Gill.jpg\")
<\/a><\/p>\nOriginally, I started off this post by rhetorically asking if you knew the difference between a married person\u2019s love life and a non-married person\u2019s love life[1]<\/a>?<\/p>\n I followed this by answering, \u201cThe difference is that when unmarried persons\u00a0break up it won\u2019t cost them $15,000, or the equivalent to what the married person paid for their wedding\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n Admittedly, as a single person starting off a post on relationships, this came across a tad bitter.<\/p>\n The longer I live, the more I realize, sadly, how much of what I\u2019ve chosen was done out of insecurity, yet so perfectly hidden under the guise of this smug type of certainty. Certainty, it was a failed attempt to convince myself that I have made all <\/em>the right choices and\u00a0the best\u00a0<\/em>possible decisions\u00a0with\u00a0my life, thus far. To me, this is what makes life utterly terrifying, yet simultaneously exhilarating.<\/p>\n Life, it\u2019s this \u201cunrepeatable experiment with no control.\u201d<\/p>\n Luckily I\u2019ve gotten to a\u00a0point, or temporary season, in my life in which I\u2019m no longer jealous, or for this matter,\u00a0envious of my married friends, who\u2019ve found \u201cthe One.\u201d What, if anything, I am jealous or envious of are those who have found freedom<\/em><\/strong> and what truly works for them, single or not<\/span>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n I think that if we\u2019re all honest, again, married or not, it\u2019s tough to look at someone else\u2019s life that possesses the choices you didn\u2019t make. Because life is, in an oxymoronic and self-contradicting manner, both\u00a0transient and intransient;\u00a0it\u2019s\u00a0this subjectively-abstract-incomprehensible-thing-of-a-mess; our actions are irrevocably<\/em> unchangeable, and our existence is ever fleeting. Life, it\u2019s exhausting to say the least.<\/p>\n \u201cFor whatever we do, even whatever we do not do prevents us from doing it\u2019s opposite. Acts demolish their alternatives, that is the paradox.\u201d \u2013\u00a0James Salter<\/p><\/blockquote>\n Is marrying her\/him the best possible choice, or is breaking up going to give you better life results? Is a failed marriage better than living a single life, or is risking the possibility of having a failed marriage better than choosing a single life? The answer, I think, to all of these is \u201cyes<\/em>, but\u2026\u201d I say this because I think that we\u2019ve failed to consider the innumerable other options that exist in regards to non-platonic relations, particularly, serial monogamy<\/strong><\/span>\u00a0[2]<\/a><\/span>.<\/p>\n But, here\u2019s the thing: we find ourselves in this anomalous point of history in which we\u00a0won\u2019t be murdered for disagreeing with\u00a0Christianity and inconsequence this also means not being [as] socially ostracized or\u00a0burned at the stake for not getting married. For jaded out singles, such as myself, even<\/em> better news is that we are greatly out numbering those that are currently married. It\u2019s no longer\u00a0a matter of either a) getting married or b) living a life of loneliness. Essentially,\u00a0<\/em>what I\u2019m saying is\u00a0that intimately deep and profound relationships can in fact be commonly be had\u00a0outside the confines of marital relationships, romantic or not.<\/strong><\/p>\n 6 TIPS ON HOW MARRIED CHRISTIANS CAN EMBRACE SINGLE ADULTS<\/a><\/p>\n Being brainwashed by Disney \u2013 not hatin\u2019 on Disney, still watching Lion King on repeat \u2013 I never even considered the idea of other romantically inclined relational options that didn\u2019t include\u00a0a legal marriage license, until<\/em> I began hearing stories from friends, who were married, yet felt so trapped\u00a0within a seemingly inescapable life long choice.<\/p>\n As the amount of infidelity is rising and the population of the lower class is increasing I\u2019m suggesting it\u2019s time we start considering other options. Because, even if <\/em><\/span>the divorce rate is no longer 50%, I\u2019m not<\/u> so sure the rate of marital happiness is getting any higher. It\u2019s counterintuitive to follow an outdated system in order to avoid stigmatization when in the long run you encounter the traumatic after effects of, what was supposed to be, a life long<\/em> union.<\/p>\n Don\u2019t get me wrong, we all intend to be monogamous<\/em>\u00a0but, when honest, none of us actually are. The intent is noble but the outcome has been inimical. <\u2014 that\u2019s a word, right?<\/p>\n If anything, my being \u201cjaded,\u201d is not about my still being unwed, it\u2019s that regardless of knowing all the above, one still remains pushing outdated, illogical slew of cultural expectations, mislabeled as a sacrosanct set morals (e.g. the mere thought\u00a0<\/em>of sex\u00a0outside the confines of marriage is sin<\/a>). It\u2019s exhausting to constantly feel smited by God every time you experience sexual attraction, so as a result, getting married is the answer. In a much less jadedly harsh way of putting it, divorce is costly and\u00a0marriage is more than risky \u2013 financially, it can empty your bank account; emotionally, it can wreak havoc on your psyche; culturally and socially, it can stigmatize and isolate. I think this is why divorce is listed within the top three most stressful situations a person can endure; it literally ruins, destroys, and ends lives.<\/p>\n To say the least, relationships are complicated. Relationships to me are a lot like math in the sense that ther is this intrinsic simplicity (addition) to extremely complexity (linear algebra), and in order to understand the complex, you need to have a basic understanding of the simple. And, not to mention, if you mess one thing up, it can take large and seemingly irreparable damage.<\/p>\n All the while, each relationship has it\u2019s own various layers made up of innumerable amounts of factors that in and of themselves have an infinite amount of interpretations, remembering that each one of these interpretations is subject to it\u2019s given and ever-changing and uncontrollable environment. Relationships, and I guess math too, goes from being superficially basic to subjectively abstract (i.e. I have no idea what\u2019s going on).\u00a0Meaning<\/em>, you could make the best<\/u><\/em> possible decision(s), but within an uncontrollable environment, shit could still go very wrong and it absolutely not<\/em> be your fault; we do what we can, and sometimes what we do is not enough.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n Hence, Serial Monogamy.\u00a0What if you went into your romantic relationships\u00a0with more of an open mind, taking into consideration that your relationship does not have to look like everyone else\u2019s? What if doing this, it\u2019s not \u201csinful\u201d or wrong, it\u2019s simply an unavoidably painful aspect of life.\u00a0It\u2019s tempting to look to our left or right comparing our situation, life, and\/or relationship to others, but I agree with Tim Kreider in that \u201cother people\u2019s lives are not these \u201ccautionary fables or repudiations of our own, to covet or denigrate,\u201d he goes on suggesting\u00a0\u201c[that what if we instead we] saw them for what they are: other people\u2019s lives, island universes, unknowable\u00a0<\/span><\/em>[3]<\/a><\/span>.\u201d<\/p>\n What I\u2019m saying, essentially, is that I think we should redefine \u201chappily ever after.\u201d Getting married, not getting married, embracing serial monogamy or not embracing serial monogamy, none of these are the point\u00a0\u2013 The point is that each individual circumstance is a fingerprint in and of itself, and therefore uniquely set apart from every one else\u2019s being given it\u2019s own set of rules and various unknown resolutions. It makes very little\u00a0sense to live your life using someone else\u2019s solutions.<\/p>\n Of course, this is\u00a0far <\/em>more insolubly complex than a blog post, or any other relational self-help book, tape, or writing could fully address and do justice. So, what do I know, in the words of my grandfather, \u201cWe\u2019re all going through life blindly trying to make the best out of the little we have and know.\u201d I\u2019m only suggesting that we entertain the thought of\u00a0no longer<\/em>\u00a0white knuckling a relationship while bemoaning the misery it\u2019s evolved into, or the unexpected trajectory it\u2019s taken. And that instead we let go of our outdated ideal\u00a0and our picture perfect disnified expectation(s) of \u201chappily ever-after,\u201d and simply allowed ourselves room for error by living out\u00a0what would best fit our given, and unpredictably unique, life circumstances.<\/p>\n <\/a>[2]<\/a><\/span> (As I typed out the words, \u201cserial monogamy\u201d I could already feel the Christian readers\u2019 cringing at the mere suggestion of this idea because they, like me, were traumatized by the belief that sex outside of the confines of marriage, and\/or with more than one person, is God damnable sin that will lead to an afterlife of inescapable hell fire. All while a majority of us cringing, have or eventually will engage in a succession of relationships that were non-platonic and inevitably came to an end [i.e. participated in serial monogamy]).<\/span><\/p>\n [3]<\/a><\/span>\u00a0Tim Kreider, We Learn Nothing<\/em>.<\/span><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n \n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Originally, I started off this post by rhetorically asking if you knew the difference between a married person\u2019s love life and a non-married person\u2019s love life[1]? I followed this by answering, \u201cThe difference is that when unmarried persons\u00a0break up it won\u2019t cost them $15,000, or the equivalent to what the married person paid for their […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2493,"featured_media":655152,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[16,40,84,21,72,42],"tags":[573,450,572],"class_list":["post-654439","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-culture","category-dating","category-marriage","category-millennials","category-relationships","category-sex","tag-serial-monogamy","tag-serial-monogamy-definition","tag-the-case-for-serial-monogamy"],"yoast_head":"\n\n
\u201cToday\u2019s generations are looking (exhaustively) for soul mates, whether we decide to hit the altar or not, and we have more opportunities than ever to find them,\u201d \u2013 Aziz Ansari<\/span><\/a>\u00a0<\/span><\/h1>\n<\/blockquote>\n
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