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Forgiveness is such a little B****.<\/p>\n
I mean, saying it\u00a0more eloquently, forgiveness, it\u2019s a double edged sword. If you forgive, then you feel as if they win; if you choose not to forgive, you then feel and find the truth within the platitude saying, \u201cNot forgiving is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.\u201d<\/p>\n
Many times as a pastor, I\u2019d be constantly asked by congregants \u201cHow do you forgive\u2026?\u201d And I\u2019d tell them, \u201cThe same way you get over your ex: you sleep with as many people as\u2026\u201d No, I\u2019m only kidding; I only said that sometimes. But, my better answer was oddly less acceptable for the average person to hear. I\u2019d tell them\u00a0the only path to forgiveness is one that involves not further feeding into whatever it is causing and\/or encouraging you to hold on to that sense of un-forgiveness; it\u2019s nonlinear, undefined for each person, and for each one of their individual problems.<\/p>\n
At times\u00a0this is involves nothingness; other times it involves what Anne Lamott<\/a> refers to as a \u201cradical self-care.\u201d That is, stillness, silence, prayer, long walks, meditation, finding whatever it is that brings you joy and doing just the right amount of that. And, many times, within our prayers, long walks, or meditations we gain clarity; the trouble with this is, some times the answers to our problems are not<\/span> our preferred solutions.<\/p>\n But I think the discipline in being able to do this is what some\u00a0theologians might call \u201cgrace.\u201d<\/p>\n In a society driven by this thing called instantaneous gratification we\u2019re surrounded by people selling us mostly\u00a0poison. Whether it\u2019s microwaveable meals filled with sodium, toxic negative messages from the media, promised 4-hour work weeks, or a televangelist preacher making falsified-feel-good-promises\u2026 these all sell because we\u2019re all looking for a shortcut in life that will solve all<\/em> of our problems.<\/p>\n As we all know, and have come to find out the hard way, 99.9% of the time there is no easy solution that will lead to a lasting type of meaningful transformation. It\u2019s bizarre in that, we know smoking, fast food, and, yes, even televangelist preachers aren\u2019t helping; yet, their stock keeps rising and we keep on consuming. While only two of these\u00a0are unequivocally proven to be literally<\/em> killing tens of millions, all three of these are most definitely selling us a lie: \u201cIf you give us your money, attend our event, then you\u2019ll be happy.\u201d<\/p>\n If the grace you\u2019re drinking isn\u2019t leading you towards freedom, then its safe to say that\u2019s not grace, and that you\u2019ve been fed poison.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n Yet, we consume and\/or attend, and then we find ourselves now with less money and some how more unhappy.<\/p>\n It\u2019s more sad than it is shameful,\u00a0in that we\u2019d rather believe in the boogey man professed by a good looking, well-spoken, pastor than take the road less traveled in order to find meaning.<\/p>\n Why is this?<\/p>\n It\u2019s quite simple and actually 100% understandable.<\/p>\n Pain, or the avoidance of. It starts with the experience of such, leads to the wrongful coping mechanism of censoriousness; which becomes overwhelmingly depressing and so we wind up dissociating (read: not caring; feeling nothing; embracing indifference); dissociating (for the non-psychopath) then becomes an inevitable impossibility and so we then find this falsified sense of safety in consuming products, believing false prophecy, and\/or feeding addictions that are said to make us happy, however temporary it may be.<\/p>\n It\u2019s the differentiation between sociopathic grace and a radical grace. A sociopathic grace is what your typical megalomaniactic pastor<\/a>\u00a0uses to justify their neurotic sociopathic behaviors; it is what pushes you down, convincing\u00a0you that in order to be brought back up, you need to imbibe their\u00a0falsified bullshit gospel. It\u2019s exactly the method in which cult leaders and abusive men utilize to entrap \u201ctheir followers.\u201d<\/p>\n But, again, we know this.<\/p>\n Which is why I agree with AA in that it takes a power greater than ourselves, in order to over come whatever it is that has us entrapped. It\u2019s this power that leads us into\u00a0a true radical grace; a grace that\u00a0gives understanding and clarity in acknowledging this theological type of heresy; while also lending the ability to not<\/span> react viscerally, but instead possess the strength to consciously choose<\/em> to act\u00a0lovingly; that is, without reinforcing whomever\u2019s\u00a0sociopathy.<\/p>\n Never underestimate the amount of strength it requires to be gentle.<\/p>\n \u2014 andy gill (@itsandygill) December 22, 2014<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\nA Sociopathic Grace (Cheap Grace)<\/i><\/b><\/h2>\n
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A Radical Grace (Costly Grace)\u00a0<\/em><\/h2>\n
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