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Ladies, was your Valentine\u2019s Day a little\u2026 disappointing? Not quite up to the Hallmark movie scene you might have imagined? You know, that scene where the female lead shows up at a prearranged location for an unknown reason and finds herself following an elaborate scavenger hunt trail to arrive at a candlelit table set up for a romantic dinner for two, the male lead standing there with roses in hand and an adoring look in his eyes?<\/p>\n
Maybe you got the same card and candy combination you get every year, which you suspect your husband picked up in a quick drugstore stop on his way home from work. Has whatever your man did\u2014or didn\u2019t do\u2014left you wondering how much effort he put into romancing you that day (or any other day, for that matter), or if he even really cares?<\/p>\n
Well, you might be surprised to learn that he\u00a0does<\/em>\u00a0care\u2014and he deeply wants to please you. During my research for\u00a0For Women Only<\/em><\/a>, I asked men if they desired romance in their relationship\u00a0for themselves\u00a0<\/em>and I was shocked that 84% said yes!<\/p>\n That\u2019s right, 8 out of every 10 men desire romance just as much as we do. So, while your man might not\u00a0seem\u00a0<\/em>romantic in the way you would like, he still wants romance!<\/p>\n So what\u2019s holding him back? Maybe he actually is trying, but you don\u2019t interpret his attempts as romantic. Men and women sometimes define romance differently, so the signals between sender and receiver can get crossed.<\/p>\n Or\u2014even more likely\u2014maybe he\u2019s concerned that he won\u2019t please you. My research shows that a huge majority of men think they can put together a romantic event,\u00a0but<\/em>\u00a0almost half aren\u2019t confident that you\u2019ll like it. And also, for the huge majority of men, the prospect of failure is their most painful feeling. In other words, your man is probably worried that if he tries something, he\u2019ll see signals that he didn\u2019t get it right . . . and he knows that will hurt.<\/p>\n So how can you move forward from your Valentine\u2019s Day disappointment and take steps that can inspire positive change in your man in the romance department? Here are four ways to give him the encouragement and confidence he needs to up his romantic game.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n The first step is fine-tuning your awareness. What you interpret and define as romantic might be different than your husband. For a man, enjoying \u201cplay time\u201d with his partner\u2014just spending time together, whether watching TV, sharing an activity, or going somewhere together, is truly romantic. So, don\u2019t always be looking for flowers and candlelight. Expand your definition of romance, and key into his. Though he may feel tentative and uncertain, your appreciation will foster boldness on his part to continue his efforts. Translation: don\u2019t tease him for not quite getting the right amount of cheese on the pizza he tried to make from scratch for dinner, or for picking a sports bar when he planned a date night out.\u00a0As you show\u00a0only\u00a0<\/em>appreciation and withhold criticism, he\u2019ll be more confident.\u00a0And at that point, you\u2019ll have the foundation to give feedback that won\u2019t be seen as criticism.\u00a0(\u201cI love this sports bar\u2014so fun!\u00a0Since we\u2019ve come here three times in a row, you know what I\u2019d love at some point?\u00a0A seafood place on the lake or something. That would be cool, too.\u201d)\u00a0As he sees what\u00a0you\u00a0<\/em>like, you\u2019ll enjoy more experiences that are tailored to your likes & dislikes, and he\u2019ll develop confidence that he\u2019s pleasing you. That\u2019s a win-win! Make sure your man knows that every experience doesn\u2019t have to top the last one!\u00a0Guys can get paralyzed by that idea.\u00a0Make sure he knows that a spontaneous outing to get ice cream (\u201cjust because!\u201d) can have as much impact as an over-the-top effort planned months in advance. Remember, even your man\u2019s smallest act of kindness demonstrates how much he loves and cares for you. The icing on the cake to encourage your man\u2019s romance will be flirtatious interactions with you\u2014the kind that both inspire and reflect romance.\u00a0If you\u2019ve been together for a while, it\u2019s possible that you\u2019ve settled into a kind of friendly companionship. Be the sultry soulmate again. Make yourself the kind of friend\u2014both outside the bedroom and in it\u2014that your man constantly wants to pursue. For most men, sex is a big part of romance and it means being close to you on all levels. And what\u2019s more romantic than that?<\/p>\n Wherever your husband falls on the romance scale, it\u2019s a pretty sure bet that he wants to please you. Recognize that about him and appreciate his desire and efforts toward romance\u2014and you\u2019ll see more romance in your relationship . . . on Valentine\u2019s Day, and every other day of the year.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n Improve your relationships with simple, actionable steps backed by proven research! Visit SurprisingHope.com<\/strong><\/a> to learn about our courses.<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/392\/2022\/02\/2022-02-15-blog-img3.jpg\")
<\/h2>\nRecognize his romantic intentions.<\/h2>\n
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<\/h2>\nGive him a chance to practice.<\/h2>\n
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<\/h2>\nAppreciate romantic gestures of all sizes.<\/h2>\n
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<\/h2>\nEntice him.<\/h2>\n
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