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This is part 2 of a two-part series on the mental wellbeing of college students. Last week my Executive Assistant, Amy Masaschi, wrote about her son\u2019s anxiety and depression at the start of his college career. This week, I\u2019ll offer several steps to help parents navigate the college years in a supportive way.<\/em><\/p>\n College students need support for their mental health\u2014and a growing body of research bears this out.<\/p>\n The Annual Healthy Minds survey<\/a>, which received responses from more than 76,000 U.S. college students during the 2022-23 academic year, revealed these alarming statistics:<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n Another national survey<\/a> of students found that more than half (56%) have experienced chronic stress in college, while three in four say stress is negatively affecting their academics. Only 4 percent say stress had no impact on their academics<\/strong>!<\/p>\n First-year and female students are at highest risk, according to a recent smartphone-enabled tracking study<\/a> conducted by Dartmouth researchers.<\/p>\n Armed with this data, parents of new college students cannot afford to assume, \u201cThat\u2019s not my child.\u201d Our college kids might in fact be in that mix of statistics. So, picking up where Amy\u2019s guest blog<\/a> left off last week, I\u2019ll offer four more tips for supporting our college students\u2019 emotional health.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n When we surveyed teens and young adults age 15-21 for For Parents Only<\/em><\/a> and several other books, we discovered that high school graduation marked a stark dividing line.<\/p>\n Adolescents who aren\u2019t yet adults are starving<\/em> for freedom, and there\u2019s all this tension around wanting it. But that goes away when they<\/em> go away to college. In college, they no longer stress about freedom\u2014because they have it!<\/strong><\/p>\n At the same time, our college-age kids have a different type of stress: they know they\u2019re in uncharted territory and they often do want our support. So, as parents, we go from being stiff-armed to being welcomed with open arms. (Well, kind of. With limits.)<\/p>\n We polled young adults (ages 19-24, some in college, some post-college) last year for a blog on what young adults need from their parents<\/a>. While the poll was informal, many responses had a similar thread: Young adults want our support, but on their terms.<\/strong><\/p>\n One 23-year-old described it this way: \u201cThink of us like the toddler\/kindergartners of adults. We need to start being independent and make mistakes on our own, but at the end of the day we just don\u2019t know a lot (even if we think we do). So asking if we\u2019d like advice on any topic would really help.\u201d<\/p>\n Here\u2019s the key: the same respondent said unsolicited advice is not welcome! So, parents, maybe we should trade barging in with advice on the roommate situation in favor of asking questions like these:<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n <\/p>\n If your college kid is a talker, phone check-ins may work great. But what if, like Amy\u2019s son, your student deals in one-word answers? Or what if their best times to talk (think 2 a.m.<\/em>) aren\u2019t yours? (Or what if your <\/em>best times aren\u2019t theirs? I still laugh with my mom about how she and my dad used to call my freshman hall phone at 8 a.m. on Saturday mornings!)<\/p>\n One of my friends devised a brilliant check-in system with her college kids, all of whom wrestle with the usual anxiety at times. My friend asked each of them to text her a sequence of six numbers every day.<\/p>\n On a range of 1 to 3 (1 for struggling, 2 for doing okay, and 3 for thriving), her kids rated how they were feeling about each of these that day:<\/p>\n The numbers gave my friend direction on how to pray. Plus, if the student answered \u201c1\u201d in any area, they agreed they were giving my friend permission to ask about it if it seemed necessary (for example, if it was a trend).<\/p>\n Another woman with several college kids made sure her son (who experienced depression) knew he could say anything to her. Anything<\/em>. \u201cThis is a tough one because you might hear things that are hard to hear,\u201d she said. But it kept the lines of communication open.<\/p>\n To that end, another friend\u2019s college son confessed a weed addiction to her during his junior year. Rather than grill him about why he tried it or where he got the money or how he could be so stupid (all of which flashed through her mind!) she asked, \u201cWould you like to move home while we figure this out?\u201d<\/p>\n He said, \u201cYeah Mom, I really would.\u201d<\/p>\n With support, he realized he was overloaded with stress. He identified steps to de-stress in healthier ways\u2014including lightening his course load to graduate a semester later, plugging into church community, and exercising more.<\/p>\n There are plenty of ways you can touch base in a way that works for both of you. The key, as Amy mentioned last week<\/a>, is to be sure <\/em>to check in regularly, especially in the first semester.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Some of the big stressors for students have been around since, well, college: Coursework, relationships, or adjusting to campus life.But some of the main stressors for young adults today are big, global concerns\u2014such as politics, gun violence, or climate change\u2014that are outside of any one person\u2019s control.<\/p>\n Remember at the opening of this blog, how many college students had significant anxiety? Well, we might need to personally reckon with one reason for that. According to the American Psychiatric Association<\/a>, a recent survey found that more than half of Gen Zers (born between 1997 and 2012) experience mental health impacts around these big issues. And one reason is what they hear about politics from us\u2014whether before they left for college, or what they read yesterday on our social media platforms.<\/p>\n Parents, this means we should choose our words with care.<\/p>\n When we vent the-sky-is-falling opinions<\/a>, we might think we\u2019re just letting loose our frustrations. But we\u2019re actually contributing to our kids\u2019 fears<\/strong>.<\/p>\n Of course there are many policy concerns that matter. But our kids\u2019 mental health matters, too. (Not to mention that catastrophizing tends to make anxiety more acute in us, <\/em>as well.<\/em>)<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n While 50% of college students with a mental health condition do not seek care (similar to the ratio in the overall adult population), one encouraging trend is that more students are<\/em> seeking care.<\/p>\n Of course, this means many campus health centers, pastors, and counselors are struggling to keep up with demand. (This is the main reason we\u2019re in the middle of a major initiative called The Church Cares. The project is designed to build up and train an army of lay helpers in the church who can help fill in this gap. Please read more about that here<\/a>, as well as how Jeff and I are pursuing research-based solutions here<\/a>.)<\/p>\n One of the best solutions for our kids is to encourage them to not \u201cgo it alone.\u201d Let\u2019s normalize talking with a pastor, lay counselor, or a Christian licensed mental health practitioner who will support their faith. And since having healthy, supportive friendships<\/a> is one of the <\/em>most protective factors for health, let\u2019s strongly encourage our kids to seek healthy community<\/strong>.<\/p>\n At the end of the day, especially as people of faith, we must pray that our college kids will be connected to exactly the right people and that, in the process, their health and faith will be strengthened now and for years to come.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n\n
Tip 1: Assume<\/em> your college kid needs your support \u2013 just on their terms<\/strong><\/h2>\n
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<\/p>\nTip #2: Establish a check-in system<\/strong><\/h2>\n
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Tip 3: Limit how we \u2018vent\u2019 our views in their earshot<\/strong><\/h2>\n
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<\/p>\nTip 4: Urge your child to seek community, counseling and care<\/strong><\/h2>\n
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