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Ladies, if there were a reality TV show like \u201cWhat NOT to Wear,\u201d but for relationships, these three things would be at the top of the list for \u201cWhat NOT to say to your man.\u201d \u00a0Now, don\u2019t get me wrong; I\u2019ve actually said all these things at one point! \u00a0You\u2019ve probably said them, too. \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0And you probably also saw the same thing I did: it never works out so well. \u00a0Why? \u00a0In research with thousands of men<\/a> I learned these hurt far more than your man (or your son!) will ever let on. \u00a0So let\u2019s agree to put these on our no-no list.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n 2. \u201cYou didn\u2019t do a good job at ______.\u201d<\/b><\/p>\n Whether spoken or implied, this comment is way, way more toxic to a male than you ever realized. \u00a0In fact, the research is clear that it\u2019s a guy\u2019s equivalent of hearing \u201cI don\u2019t love you.\u201d \u00a0The reason is a hidden emotional reality. \u00a0\u00a0Where a woman\u2019s most profound inner vulnerability is usually, \u201cAm I loveable?\u201d <\/i>a man\u2019s is usually, \u201cAm I any good at what I do?\u201d \u00a0<\/i>Each of us subconsciously look for signals from our mate about the answer to our inner question. \u00a0You may think it is such a little thing when you re-clean the kitchen counters after he has just done it, or re-make the bed \u201cthe right way.\u201d \u00a0But for him, it looms large. \u00a0(This is why you start hearing him say \u201cNothing I do is ever good enough for you.\u201d) \u00a0So when you see something that isn\u2019t done \u201cyour way\u201d ask yourself if correcting it is worth hurting his feelings. (Even if you don\u2019t understand why on earth they would be hurt!). \u00a0If it is worth hurting him, well then fine, but correct him in a gentle way that tells him \u201cI know you want me to be happy, and this is the way I like such-and-such.\u201d \u00a0\u00a0(\u201cThanks for cleaning the kitchen. \u00a0Do you mind if I move a few things back around? \u00a0I really do like the spice rack over here.\u201d) \u00a0But even better, look for ways to answer his inner question in a positive way: simply say \u201cthanks for making the bed, honey,\u201d and you\u2019ll be surprised at how happy that makes him.<\/i><\/p>\n <\/p>\n 3. A sigh of exasperation<\/b><\/p>\n This, placed in front of any words \u2013 or on its own \u2013 is like a knife. \u00a0As you can infer from the findings discussed above, a man\u2019s greatest emotional need is to feel that you respect, appreciate, admire and believe in him.\u00a0Signs of exasperation say exactly the opposite.\u00a0We would never look at this man we love, and say out loud, \u201cYou\u2019re an idiot\u201d or \u201cyou\u2019re incompetent\u201d \u2013 yet we don\u2019t realize that the sigh of exasperation says exactly that.\u00a0When we are frustrated, it makes all the difference if we take a deep breath, count to three, and say what we need to say in a calm and respectful way instead.<\/p>\n I know it may be hard to believe that these things really matter. \u00a0In fact, you may want to give a sigh of exasperation at this list! \u00a0But since each of us does care about our man, let\u2019s give it a shot.\u00a0Try minimizing the above words and actions, and exploring the positive alternatives instead. The response you get will be the best possible incentive to continue.<\/p>\n Want to know how <\/em><\/strong>to be kind, when you really don\u2019t want to be? My research uncovered three daily actions that will transform your relationships \u2013 and you. Check out The Kindness Challenge<\/a><\/em><\/strong>, <\/em><\/strong>now available!<\/p>\n Shaunti Feldhahn loves sharing eye-opening information that helps people thrive in life and relationships. She herself started out with a Harvard graduate degree and Wall Street credentials but no clue about life. After an unexpected shift into relationship research for average, clueless people like her, she now is a popular speaker and author of best-selling books about men, women and relationships. (Including For Women Only<\/em><\/a>, For Men Only<\/em><\/a>, and the groundbreaking The Good News About Marriage<\/a><\/em>).<\/p>\n Her newest book, The Kindness Challenge<\/a> <\/em>demonstrates that kindness is the answer to pretty much every life problem, and is sparking a much-needed movement of kindness across the country. Visit www.shaunti.com<\/a> for more.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Ladies, if there were a reality TV show like \u201cWhat NOT to Wear,\u201d but for relationships, these three things would be at the top of the list for \u201cWhat NOT to say to your man.\u201d \u00a0Now, don\u2019t get me wrong; I\u2019ve actually said all these things at one point! \u00a0You\u2019ve probably said them, too. \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0And […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1684,"featured_media":11032,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[17,33],"tags":[23,5415,7,29],"class_list":["post-3286","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-marriage","category-men-2","tag-communication","tag-marriage","tag-men","tag-respect"],"yoast_head":"\n![\"2.](\"http:\/\/wp.sixseeds.production.patheos.com\/askshaunti\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/26\/2017\/04\/adult-2178466_1920.jpg\")
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