The Science of Seduction: Create Chemistry by Getting Physical<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Dear Shaunti, My wife is constantly nagging me about taking care of myself, but I feel like I\u2019m doing a good enough job where that is concerned. I work\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/askshaunti\/2014\/12\/sometimes-the-payoff-from-the-weight-room-shows-up-in-the-bedroom\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Science of Seduction: Create Chemistry by Getting Physical\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Dear Shaunti, My wife is constantly nagging me about taking care of myself, but I feel like I\u2019m doing a good enough job where that is concerned. 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{"id":536,"date":"2014-12-15T10:55:48","date_gmt":"2014-12-15T14:55:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/askshaunti\/?p=536"},"modified":"2019-09-30T17:43:36","modified_gmt":"2019-09-30T21:43:36","slug":"sometimes-the-payoff-from-the-weight-room-shows-up-in-the-bedroom","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/askshaunti\/2014\/12\/sometimes-the-payoff-from-the-weight-room-shows-up-in-the-bedroom\/","title":{"rendered":"The Science of Seduction: Create Chemistry by Getting Physical"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

$\"\"$
\n<\/a>Dear Shaunti,<\/strong><\/p>\n

My wife is constantly nagging me about taking care of myself, but I feel like I\u2019m doing a good enough job where that is concerned. I work out sometimes, and try to eat healthy when I can, although I do enjoy some junk food! Lately, I\u2019ve been noticing that she seems to be less receptive to my advances and doesn\u2019t seem to be as passionate about me as she was before. She keeps bugging me to go out and walk with her after dinner. How can I get her off my back and us back on track<\/strong>?<\/strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Sincerely,<\/strong><\/p>\n

Confused Hubby<\/strong><\/p>\n

Dear Confused Hubby,<\/p>\n

How can you get her off your back? Dude, you are completely missing the point of what she\u2019s been trying to tell you! If you want her to wake up to your advances, you\u2019re gonna have to wake up to her concern. Believe it or not, how healthy you are really matters to your wife\u2014and apparently, she doesn\u2019t think you\u2019re doing as good of a job as you do.<\/p>\n

She\u2019s not unusual in caring about this, by the way. Even though women aren\u2019t as \u201cvisual\u201d as men are, the effort men put into taking care of themselves and being healthy has a huge impact on women. Why? I saw two things in my research that you really need to know.<\/p>\n

First, your wife cares about whether you\u2019re taking care of yourself because she cares about you <\/em>and wants you around! I have heard so many women say things like, \u201cDoesn\u2019t he understand how important it is to me that he stays healthy so I have the security that he is going to be around for a long time and we can grow old together?\u201d<\/p>\n

Guys may not realize it, but when they\u2019re in front of the TV multiple nights in a row, double-fisting Oreos, it can register in a woman\u2019s heart as, \u201cIt must not matter to him how much I need him.\u201d<\/p>\n

You may be surprised to know that it\u2019s not just about what you eat, or taking a walk after dinner, either. \u00a0The big health issues matter too. Women need to see that their man will actually go to the doctor when something seems wrong, rather than being stubborn about it!<\/p>\n

The second reason your health matters to her gets back to that bedroom thing. I know from my research that every man wants to feel desired by his wife\u2014and that feeling desired gives him confidence in every other area of his life. However, what many men don\u2019t realize is how much their wives\u2019 sexual desire is hindered by their own lack of effort to take care of themselves<\/p>\n

In fact, in my women\u2019s conferences I\u2019ve heard a lot of women say, \u201cDoesn\u2019t he get it? It\u2019s hard to find him desirable when he doesn\u2019t take care of himself!\u201d<\/p>\n

As my husband, Jeff, put it when he talks to men\u2019s groups, \u201cIf we want our wives to find us desirable and provide them security, that means we have to make the effort to take care of ourselves, too. Most guys wish their wives would be more receptive in the bedroom, but we\u2019re not seeing our role in the disconnect. In our interviews and surveys of women, many of them have privately said, \u2018You know, it\u2019s hard to be receptive and passionate towards a guy with a two-day-old beard and garlic breath!\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

So what do you do about all of this? Well, take her desire for your health seriously \u2013 and take advantage of the fact that she wants to help you! Go for that walk! Stop bringing the junk food into the house. Even (gasp!) go to the doctor when you feel sick or you have some other health issue. These small gestures will not only make her feel really loved, but my bet is that that love will translate into exactly what you\u2019re looking for\u2014an increased desire to be with you and a greater receptiveness to your advances.<\/p>\n

I hope that having a shared goal towards health will be a real encouragement as you each see the other person make the effort to care for themselves, while knowing it will benefit their mate. What a great way to honor each other\u2014now and for a very long time to come! Let me know how it goes!<\/p>\n

Do you want Shaunti to share these life-changing truths at your church or event? Inquire about Shaunti speaking, here<\/a>.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Shaunti Feldhahn is the best-selling author of eye-opening, research-based books about men, women and relationships, including For Women Only<\/em><\/a>, For Men Only<\/em><\/a>, The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages<\/a> <\/em>and her newest, The Good News About Marriage<\/em><\/a>. A Harvard-trained social researcher and popular speaker, her \ufb01ndings are regularly featured in media as diverse as The Today Show, Focus on the Family, and the New York Times. Visit www.shaunti.com<\/a> for more.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"