{"id":6256,"date":"2019-01-18T20:20:47","date_gmt":"2019-01-19T00:20:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/askshaunti\/?p=6256"},"modified":"2019-01-18T20:20:47","modified_gmt":"2019-01-19T00:20:47","slug":"my-take-on-toxic-masculinity-a-heads-up","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/askshaunti\/2019\/01\/my-take-on-toxic-masculinity-a-heads-up\/","title":{"rendered":"My Take On \u201cToxic Masculinity\u201d: A Heads-Up"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

I\u2019ve been contacted by a lot of readers and those in the media asking for my opinion on the <\/span>American Psychological Association\u2019s new guidelines for the Psychological Practice with Boys and Men<\/span><\/a>\u2014especially given the controversy surrounding its use of the phrase \u201ctoxic masculinity.\u201d I\u2019m sure many of you have seen the Gillette ad surrounding this hot topic (click <\/span>here<\/span><\/a> to view it). \u00a0Given how much chatter there\u2019s been over it (both positive and negative) in the media over the last few days, the topic of masculinity seems to be at the top of every newsfeed. <\/span><\/p>\n

The short version of the controversy is this: the APA guidelines are generally based around the definition of masculinity as a social construct that is \u201charmful.\u201d \u00a0The guidelines rightly note that men are more likely to be aggressive, competitive, and so on, but they focus almost entirely on how to train that \u201ctoxic\u201d stuff right out of our men and boys rather than recognizing the positive sides of those traits, and the many men who are using those traits in healthy, wonderful, honorable ways. Rather than how to encourage and support men and boys who <\/span>aren\u2019t <\/span><\/i>using them well, to channel them in the right direction. \u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I wanted to post this quick heads-up note today, because so many people are talking about it, and asking what I think, given my 17 years of research into the deep, private ways that men think and feel, and how they are biologically and neurologically wired. \u00a0I\u2019ll be writing a purposeful piece about this next week in response. (I wish I could have done it this week, but we\u2019re in the middle of one of our main surveys for our next book, and I just haven\u2019t had the spare minutes!)<\/span><\/p>\n

But here\u2019s the bottom line of what I think: when I started reading the APA guidelines, it made me so sad I couldn\u2019t get through the whole thing. About halfway through I started skimming. I wanted to be a good little researcher and truly dig in, but I was simply overwhelmingly saddened by the lack of recognition of the <\/span>positive <\/span><\/i>side of masculinity. I speak with so many men who simply don\u2019t feel validated for the healthy, honorable people they are, and it was shocking to see that be perpetuated by <\/span>the psychological professionals who should be helping men.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Now please hear me: I\u2019m absolutely positive that the APA\u2019s intentions were good, sincerely trying to confront what is actually a problem\u2014masculine norms <\/span>can<\/span><\/i> be abused, there<\/span> can<\/span><\/i> be an inappropriate excusing of \u201cboys will be boys\u201d and we <\/span>have<\/span><\/i> to hold each other to high standards. The intention was good but unfortunately in today\u2019s society with some groupthink, political correctness and denial of biology (and frankly, the denial of what is healthy for men), the APA\u2019s report is actually perpetuating the problems that they are sincerely trying to solve. <\/span><\/p>\n

So stay tuned for my upcoming (more in-depth) post on this important subject of \u201ctoxic masculinity\u201d and how we can be a part of the solution in supporting our men and sons to be the best they can be\u2014with our full support, love and appreciation for who they are designed to be. <\/span><\/p>\n

\n

Looking for encouragement for your life and relationships? Learn about the little things that make a big difference in every relationship, from marriages to parenting. Subscribe to updates from Shaunti here<\/a>!<\/p>\n

Shaunti Feldhahn loves sharing eye-opening information that helps people thrive in life and relationships. She herself started out with a Harvard graduate degree and Wall Street credentials but no clue about life. After an unexpected shift into relationship research for average people like her, she now is a popular speaker and author of best-selling books about men, women and relationships. (Including For Women Only<\/em><\/a>, For Men Only<\/em><\/a>, and the groundbreaking The Good News About Marriage<\/a><\/em>).<\/p>\n

Her latest book, Find Rest: A Women\u2019s Devotional for Lasting Peace in Busy Life<\/em><\/a>, focuses on a journey to rest even with life\u2019s constant demands.<\/p>\n

Visit www.shaunti.com<\/a> for more.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019ve been contacted by a lot of readers and those in the media asking for my opinion on the American Psychological Association\u2019s new guidelines for the Psychological Practice with Boys and Men\u2014especially given the controversy surrounding its use of the phrase \u201ctoxic masculinity.\u201d I\u2019m sure many of you have seen the Gillette ad surrounding this […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1684,"featured_media":6262,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[33],"tags":[5800,5803],"class_list":["post-6256","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-men-2","tag-masculinity","tag-toxic-masculinity"],"yoast_head":"\nMy Take On \u201cToxic Masculinity\u201d: A Heads-Up<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I speak with so many men who simply don\u2019t feel validated for the healthy, honorable people they are, and it 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