{"id":11848,"date":"2013-12-20T07:21:07","date_gmt":"2013-12-20T12:21:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/astrologicalmusings\/?p=11848"},"modified":"2013-12-20T07:21:07","modified_gmt":"2013-12-20T12:21:07","slug":"eulogy-mother-one-year-late","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/astrologicalmusings\/blog\/eulogy-mother-one-year-late\/","title":{"rendered":"Eulogy for my mother, one year late"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\"Rosalie2\"<\/a>When my mother died on December 19 of last year (2012) I had very little to say about her. \u00a0I wrote a post<\/a> right after her death but it was more about me and my relationship with her. \u00a0I was exhausted from her illness and the challenges that surrounded it, and could find very little that was positive to say.<\/p>\n

When we started cleaning out her house I found boxes of old photographs and started to piece together a picture of my mother that changed the way I felt about her. \u00a0She was an extremely complex individual and difficult to get along with, with a lifetime of depression. \u00a0But she was also funny and charming and her life could have turned out very differently if she had made different choices. \u00a0Over the past year I\u2019ve had two dreams in which I saw her without the burdens of her depression and anger and despair: as a childlike and innocent soul who is hopeful and pleased by the smallest of things. \u00a0My own rage at her dysfunction has fallen away and I can now write a proper euology.<\/p>\n

\"grandparents\"<\/a>My mother was born Rosalie Bernstein on June 25, 1927 (for you astrologers, I rectified her birth time to 1 am, Bronx NY). \u00a0Her parents had come from Europe to escape persecution: her mother from Poland and her father from Russia. \u00a0The legend was that they met on the boat, but I don\u2019t know if that was really true. \u00a0In any case, within a few years they had moved to Pennsylvania where they settled in Altoona.<\/p>\n

\"My<\/a>
My mom on the left<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Rosalie\u2019s parents made a good living in the retail business, and even after the stock market crash and during the depression it appears that they remained comfortable. \u00a0Sally, my grandmother (whose name may have been Chana but we can\u2019t be sure) had come to the US with her brother, and in 1933 the rest of the family came from Poland to the US. \u00a0One of the treasures I found in my mother\u2019s house was an old canof film that turned out to be film from this family return, along with clips of my mother as a child. \u00a0Sadly, the family didn\u2019t like living in America and returned to Poland.<\/p>\n

In 1939 Hitler invaded Poland and shortly thereafter my grandmother\u2019s family were all killed in the camps. \u00a0The family legend was that my grandmother was mean and cold, but in these old movies she was loving and affectionate and clearly devoted to her family. \u00a0 The murder of her parents and brothers and sisters, including a favorite sister with whom she was very close, must have changed her forever, leaving \u00a0Rosalie with a lifetime of sadness and rejection.<\/p>\n

\"Rosalie1\"<\/a>Rosalie was intelligent and charming, and loved to play the violin. \u00a0Her younger sister wrote in an autobiography we found that Rosalie had all of the intelligence and charisma in the family, but Rosalie always felt that her sister was the favorite. \u00a0This competition for maternal love that had been withdrawn and never returned became a pattern that continued down into the next generation. \u00a0Still, after high school Rosalie moved to New York City to follow the single girl\u2019s dream of the time, working as a secretary and enjoying concerts and an active social life.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ll skip over the bad marriage and the two kids, of which I was one, and jump to her later life when she met a wonderful man who became her second husband. \u00a0He was devoted to her and clearly understood her moods and imbalances, and faithfully remained her greatest defender. \u00a0Sadly, this did not fill the aching hole in her heart. She was never able to really believe that she was loved, by her husband, her children, or her friends.<\/p>\n

\"Rosalie3\"<\/a>Perhaps it was the watery Grand Trine in her chart that made everything in her life so easy and encouraged her to be lazy, a fault to which she would often and easily admit. \u00a0But as she aged and things didn\u2019t come to her so easily \u2013 she failed to get the job she wanted and the admiration around her started to fade, her depression increased and she became more miserable.<\/p>\n

After he died she moved to North Carolina to live near me and the rest is history. \u00a0Perhaps it was watching my mother fail to achieve her dreams that inspired me to become an achiever and then to dedicate my life to helping others to realize their goals and clarify their vision for their life. \u00a0I loved my mother fiercely although the anger we felt towards each other often clouded that love and made it difficult for both of us.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m grateful for the dreams I\u2019ve had since her death which have opened up my heart to her and shown me that she has indeed found some peace. \u00a0I feel now that for the first time in my life I can see her as a three-dimensional person, not just my mother and the veil through which I observed her throughout my life.<\/p>\n

[related_posts limit=\u201d5\u2033 image=\u201d50\u2033]<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When my mother died on December 19 of last year (2012) I had very little to say about her. \u00a0I wrote a post right after her death but it was more about me and my relationship with her. \u00a0I was exhausted from her illness and the challenges that surrounded it, and could find very little […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":537,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-11848","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-astrology-in-my-world"],"yoast_head":"\nEulogy for my mother, one year late - Astrological Musings<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"When my mother died on December 19 of last year (2012) I had very little to say about her. \u00a0I wrote a post right after her death but it was more about me\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/astrologicalmusings\/blog\/eulogy-mother-one-year-late\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Eulogy for my mother, one year late - 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