{"id":1233,"date":"2013-01-24T08:00:24","date_gmt":"2013-01-24T16:00:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/myownashram.com\/?p=1233"},"modified":"2013-01-24T08:00:24","modified_gmt":"2013-01-24T16:00:24","slug":"midwinter","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/awitchsashram\/2013\/01\/24\/midwinter\/","title":{"rendered":"Midwinter"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

Midwinter is here. I feel it in my energy levels. I see it in the light. It\u2019s been cold here: dry and close to freezing most days. Today it warmed up enough to rain. In the mornings we\u2019re awake for the sunrises, but we don\u2019t have to wait long. The days feel ever so slightly longer. The growing light is welcome.<\/p>\n

The first part of winter always feels intense to me. It comes on the end of an autumn cull and the high holidays of Samhain. This year was no different. But the level of intensity of this winter has surprised me. I feel slightly at the end of my rope.<\/p>\n

First, there was the deep and expansive work that my husband and I started. We took some huge risks, we dug deep, we started excavating old wounds. Second, I took a huge risk with my closest friend; it didn\u2019t end well. Third, my son, typically emotionally intense anyway, is four and half years old and more intense than ever. I have been told this is normal for this age. Fourth, I just made a huge commitment to my tradition and spiritual journey by choosing dedication.<\/p>\n

The first and second areas challenged me so deeply that I felt it was the opening and purging blade of Kali working open heart surgery upon me. I emerged with a blacker, bolder heart. Adam, my husband, and I have come out of this winter stronger and healthier than ever. The love between us is deeper and bolder, too. My friend and I are tentative, but healing. I do not know the future there, but it shines like a diamond.<\/p>\n

Adam is convinced that our son is on the way out of whatever phase he\u2019s been in. I\u2019m taking his word for it, because I don\u2019t see it. I\u2019m just too tired. My patience is frayed. I don\u2019t have the capacity to hold any more space for any more people. All of this deep winter work has expanded me \u2013 my heart, my energy levels, my capacity to hold conflict and tension and not knowing, my compassion, my understanding of people\u2026\u2026 It\u2019s beautiful, it\u2019s deeply spiritual\u00a0 \u2013 but I\u2019m tired<\/em>.<\/p>\n

The light I see growing in the mornings and lingering in the evenings is a hopeful sign. I don\u2019t know if I\u2019ll get to rest \u2013 do parents ever get to do that? But fresh, new air is coming. A few of the bushes have the faintest of new growth on them. There is new life around the corner, brighter light, stronger light. I need this hope and this encouragement from the land around me.<\/p>\n

\"Chehalis<\/a>
Chehalis Western Trail; Regan House Photo<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I don\u2019t know what the spring holds for me. But the light is growing.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Midwinter is here. I feel it in my energy levels. I see it in the light. It\u2019s been cold here: dry and close to freezing most days. Today it warmed up enough to rain. In the mornings we\u2019re awake for the sunrises, but we don\u2019t have to wait long. The days feel ever so slightly […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1300,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[17,36,1,64,65],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1233","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-family-life","category-my-heart","category-uncategorized","category-washington","category-winter"],"yoast_head":"\nMidwinter<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Midwinter is here. I feel it in my energy levels. I see it in the light. It's been cold here: dry and close to freezing most days. 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