On my way to the grocery store I pass two churches. The first is a Lutheran church, an open and affirming one. I visited it last year, and while I thought highly of it, I couldn\u2019t sit through an entire service. These days I barely notice the large brick building with its stained glass and preschool playground. Until it hosts the farmers\u2019 market in its parking lot. Then I am there weekly, even if I bypass its front doors and sanctuary.<\/p>\n
The other church is much larger (churches here seem to be large compounds, in general). It\u2019s got a huge Christian school attached. Lately this church has been getting a new roof put on, so I have been noticing it more than usual. What\u2019s interesting to me is that I get\u2026\u2026 flashes of memory as I pass it. Phantom feelings. Misplaced muscle memory.<\/p>\n
When I pass this second church I remember being a Christian in college. There is no specific associated memory, just a remembrance of what it was like to be a Christian in Washington state in the 90s. I remember the way these churches view the world and interact with it. I remember the way everything is ordered, everyone has a place, both in the church and in the world. I remember the unspoken gender norms. I remember how ordered the world seemed and how everything had neat boxes and a rather simplistic theology to explain it. I remember the plaid shirts, the goatees, the bible studies and fellowship groups. Judging by the people I\u2019ve seen enter the building and by the website, nothing seems to have changed. Well, now there are\u00a0 wireless mics and power point, rather than an overhead projectors.<\/p>\n
Sometimes I think it would be so easy to slip back into that way of being in the world. We\u2019d have automatic community and make friends right away. The kids would have activity groups. Our Sundays would have focus. I\u2019d easily find a musical outlet, what with praise bands and worships groups. More importantly, attending evangelical church would make sense of modern American living.<\/p>\n
One of the things I\u2019ve found is that modern American living (commuting, box stores, overconsumption, CAFOs, gas guzzlers, social conservatism, Calvinistic social \u2018darwinism,\u2019 heteronormative gender hoo ha, etc) is really difficult to reconcile with Pagan values. But mainstream American Christianity fits right into it. They are peas in a pod.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m a Big Umbrella Pagan. By that I mean, I want as many disparate groups to identify as Pagan. I want that term to include Heathens, witches, Wiccans, Ceremonial Magicians, reconstructionists of various stripes, Druids, neo-Pagans, polytheists, Voudousaints, and others. Not all Pagan faiths are based on earth reverence. Not all of the values espoused in one group are endorsed by others. But I find that I have more in common at heart with most Pagan groups than I do with mainstream Christianity, even though my family superficially appears more similar to the latter than the former.<\/p>\n
Christianity has at its core an idea that humanity\/our souls\/ Christians (take your pick based on your theology) are \u2018not of this world,\u2019 that we belong in Heaven. Not all Christianity thinks this world is evil or tainted. Some say it\u2019s just humanity, but some say that everything is. This idea creates a world where you\u2019re either a Christian or you\u2019re not. You\u2019re either with them or against them. The world is fine in the here and now, but in the Last Days it will be destroyed anyway (so don\u2019t go getting all worked up about environmentalism) and Yahweh will create a new world. Plenty of other traditions also view the world\/matter\/humanity as a problematic and something from which to detach.<\/p>\n
Yet Christianity is at home in this world. In the US Christianity is the norm. Its values pervade government and morality. Christian culture is everywhere. When I was in college pastors talked a lot about how the Pacific North West was the most \u2018unchurched\u2019 region in the US. I am pretty sure it still is. But if this is unchurched, well, I\u2019d hate to see how many churches are in a \u2018normal\u2019 town. But for some one raised without religion at all, I feel like churches are everywhere here!<\/p>\n
Most of Paganism embraces the world, but is at odds with the overculture. Most Pagans have a different set of values \u2013 or the same things are valued but for different reasons. While family, worship, devotion, and service (things Christians hold dear too!) may be honored, they may be expressed in entirely different ways or for different reasons. I find that most of the values of Paganism don\u2019t sit well with mainstream, overculture values. At least, my values<\/em> don\u2019t.<\/p>\n I think how much easier it could be to sink into a \u2018normal\u2019 mainstream way of being if I\u2019d go back to Christian life. I\u2019d have more in common with my extended family. I could get involved, have leadership positions, a social network, a more obviously \u2018god-driven\u2019 life. But I know full well how miserable I\u2019d be. I remember chaffing at the expectations. The tedious \u2018god language\u2019 and Father God prayers (\u201cFather God\u2026. I just\u2026. I just want to thank you for just raining down your blessings\u2026\u201d). The bad theology. The confusion of culture with religion and vice versa.<\/p>\n I can\u2019t do it. The same muscle memory that remembers what those churches feel like \u2013 in all their goodness, and there was good \u2013 also remembers just how unhappy my soul was. I remember how hard it was to find God there. I remember the cognitive dissonance. I remember I didn\u2019t fit in.<\/p>\n [There is actually an entire Christian brand called NOTW, not of this world. I tried to upload an image of its logo and it kept displaying ERROR. I\u2019ll take that as a sign.]<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" On my way to the grocery store I pass two churches. The first is a Lutheran church, an open and affirming one. I visited it last year, and while I thought highly of it, I couldn\u2019t sit through an entire service. These days I barely notice the large brick building with its stained glass and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1300,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8,11,42,44,1,61,64],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1339","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-biography","category-christianity","category-paganism","category-place","category-uncategorized","category-values","category-washington"],"yoast_head":"\n