{"id":12,"date":"2011-09-24T16:10:00","date_gmt":"2011-09-24T20:10:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/badcatholic\/2011\/09\/whats-it-like-being-catholic\/"},"modified":"2011-11-07T13:26:22","modified_gmt":"2011-11-07T18:26:22","slug":"whats-it-like-being-catholic","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/badcatholic\/2011\/09\/whats-it-like-being-catholic.html","title":{"rendered":"What’s It Like Being Catholic?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

I<\/span>\u2018m often asked this question. And while I am under the blissful delusion that I can rant and rave on any subject of my choice, this one leaves me stumped. What\u2019s it like being Catholic? Well, it\u2019s like\u2026well you see\u2026hm\u2026<\/p>\n

It\u2019s like sex.
Wait, no, people will think I\u2019m 18.<\/i>
It\u2019s like waking up in the morning, looking outside, and realizing that someone had replaced your\u00a0ordinary\u00a0route to work with a roller-coaster, your pen with a sword, and your friends with gods.
Not really.<\/i>
It\u2019s like everything smelled of your favorite smell and you never got sick of smelling it.
But not quite.<\/i>
It\u2019s steak and cigars.
It\u2019s like being constantly punched in the face.
Closer, warmer.<\/i>
It\u2019s the feeling you get when you think you\u2019ve reached the top of the stairs, but you haven\u2019t, you actually have one step left, and so you trip over it, and while you\u2019re laying sprawled out on the floor, crying, you check Facebook and realize that you have 37 notifications and 700 new friend requests, so you smile to yourself, pour a large glass of red, and read a 1000 year old book about some one who had a similar experience.<\/p>\n

This could probably go on for a while, but a realization strikes me. There is<\/i> one earthly experience that it can be compared to. There is a singular feeling that can semi-adequately and completely subjectively answer the question, \u201cWhat\u2019s it like being Catholic?\u201d<\/p>\n

So let me tell you. Being Catholic is like being in love.<\/b><\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
<\/a><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Really?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

It\u2019s trueth. First there\u2019s infatuation with the Church. Like all hormonal encounters; you don\u2019t seek out this infatuation. You can\u2019t help it; she\u2019s very pretty. Truly, you want to sleep through Mass, you want to ignore the Irish cleric preaching forgiveness, you want to think about your own miserable attempts at attracting women while you\u2019re praying the Rosary, but then \u2013\u00a0inevitably \u2013\u00a0you\u2019ll hear something:<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2026our life, our sweetness and our hope. To thee to we send up our cries, poor, banished children of Eve, to thee to we send up our sighs, mournings and weepings in this valley of tears\u2026\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And you are struck, rather unfairly, by beauty. You shake it off \u2013 I\u2019m a busy man, I don\u2019t have time for her \u2013 and then you\u2019re side-swiped by this:<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/div>\n

To which you say, \u201cPlease, no, I\u2019m very fragile. I just came out of a serious relationship and I have commitment issues and I\u2019m insecure about the way I look and \u2013 \u201d Then you hear her speak:<\/p>\n

Your head and your heels switch places, and you make some\u00a0desperately\u00a0awkward attempt to kiss her. This might be made manifest in the taking on of some devotion, the sudden attempt to understand what on earth is going on around you, or a newfound, annoyed blush when someone\u00a0laughingly\u00a0dismisses a Church teaching. You didn\u2019t mean this to happen, by accounts. One cannot control love! you explain to your disapproving mother.
So you start dating. Life is good. You start to tell people about your lover. What annoyed you once \u2013 candles are literally everywhere, old ladies never leave the building \u2013 you now find endearing. You have a great schedule of conversation, of dating. Honestly, you\u2019d be content to dwell in this existence forever, this wonderful, mutual exchange of affection. But then she demands something. Your entire life. Everything. All of you.\u00a0
Who knows how she\u2019ll propose this to you. She\u2019ll call you, give you that dreaded, \u201cWe need to talk,\u201d and your priest will casually mentioned that we are called to die for the faith. Or you\u2019ll accidentally pick up The Imitation of Christ. However it comes, you are presented with an ultimatum by your lover. And love demands you accept her terms: so you marry the Church. You sell out. You give her everything, because you know she loves you. And there really is no going back.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/div>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2018m often asked this question. And while I am under the blissful delusion that I can rant and rave on any subject of my choice, this one leaves me stumped. What\u2019s it like being Catholic? Well, it\u2019s like\u2026well you see\u2026hm\u2026 It\u2019s like sex.Wait, no, people will think I\u2019m 18.It\u2019s like waking up in the morning, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":121,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[4],"class_list":["post-12","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-the-poetry-behind-the-apparent"],"yoast_head":"\nWhat's It Like Being Catholic?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I'm often asked this question. 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