{"id":126,"date":"2011-01-06T17:10:00","date_gmt":"2011-01-06T17:10:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/badcatholic\/2011\/01\/doubt\/"},"modified":"2011-11-18T12:50:15","modified_gmt":"2011-11-18T17:50:15","slug":"doubt","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/badcatholic\/2011\/01\/doubt.html","title":{"rendered":"Doubt."},"content":{"rendered":"<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC \"-\/\/W3C\/\/DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional\/\/EN\" \"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/TR\/REC-html40\/loose.dtd\">\n<html><head><meta http-equiv=\"content-type\" content=\"text\/html; charset=utf-8\"><meta http-equiv=\"content-type\" content=\"text\/html; charset=utf-8\"><\/head><body><p>First of all, many apologies for my prolonged vacation. I wanted to get my life in order so I wouldn\u2019t feel quite so hypocritical posting calls to holiness. It\u2019s not in order, but it\u2019s better, which is really the story of holiness, and what it means to be a bad Catholic. It\u2019s all screwed up, but it\u2019s better. That sounded depressing. My bad.<\/p>\n<p>Anyhow, this post is for a girl who has a profoundly special place in my heart, to the point where I cannot recall a day spent in the last two years without some time spent thinking about her. She is wonderful. In fact, stop reading and pray for her, it\u2019ll be a better experience than reading this. \u00a0BUTCOMEBACKAFTERWARDS!!<\/p>\n<a href=\"http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=E3c_8hYK0eo?fs=1\">http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=E3c_8hYK0eo?fs=1<\/a>\n<p><span style=\"color: #990000; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: x-large;\">D<\/span>oubt. It\u2019s a lame experience, and creates all sorts of confusion. The standard view of it, as far as I can tell, is that it is a Very Bad Thing, and should be avoided. That it is somehow the anti-faith, faith\u2019s enemy, faith\u2019s destroyer. Like most standard views, I would love \u2013 absolutely love \u2013 to flip it around for you. Doubt requires belief. It is not doubt but skepticism (in the modern sense) that is an enemy to faith, for skepticism is the disdain for a religion held by those outside of the religion. Whereas doubt is the fear of those within a religion. And let me be the first to tell you, if there is no solid fear within your religion, it\u2019s not a religion, it\u2019s a yoga class.<\/p>\n<p>Doubt requires belief. That much is obvious. But in many ways, belief requires doubt. It is precisely the doubt I feel when I\u2019ve looked at the Eucharist that makes my belief valid. It is the fact that the abyss opens up all around me, that the words \u201call lies\u201d are whispered into my ears that makes belief possible. Otherwise I have not belief but a truth force-fed to me. If there were no doubt I would not be free to choose God, rather He would be forced upon me. Indeed, there are days when I ask for God to do\u00a0exactly\u00a0that, for after all, aren\u2019t the doubts too much to bear? Isn\u2019t the notion that this could all be the most brilliant, terrible lie ever conceived, isn\u2019t that too heart-breaking to justify the faith that comes as a result? Couldn\u2019t he just throw Himself at me, whether I liked it or not? The answer is yes, but love is greater than all that. Love freely given is all that will fulfill us, love freely chosen is what will end doubt, not a God who gives us no choice in believing Him. If I know human nature, all a forced belief would lead to is resentment.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/static.artbible.info\/large\/thomas.jpg\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft\" style=\"border: 0px initial initial;\" src=\"https:\/\/static.artbible.info\/large\/thomas.jpg\" border=\"0\" alt=\"\" width=\"320\" height=\"232\"><\/a>The kind of doubt I often experience, and the most common doubt I\u2019ve heard my friends talk about is actually quite holy. \u201cI don\u2019t want to go to confession because I don\u2019t think I believe it forgives sins\u201d or \u201cHow can I\u00a0receive\u00a0the Eucharist if I doubt that it is truly God?\u201d There is a hidden reverence here, a flower of hope so small and beautiful it might go unnoticed by the doubter. What a great reverence it is to to the Eucharist to avoid it for fear of not believing it. What high esteem the sacrament of reconciliation is held in the words above, that it should not be visited unless fully grasped? Skepticism would say that the thing is a wash and can thus be visited freely. If it is a cracker, eat it. If baptism is just a bath, then have a bath. Only doubt is rooted faith. Only if it is true should there be a reverent avoidance. I immediately think of my favorite piece of fiction by Chesterton, The Ball and the Cross, in which a certain Turnbull explains to a lady he is in love with that he will not\u00a0receive\u00a0the Eucharist because he is an atheist.<\/p>\n<div style=\"margin-bottom: 0.75em; margin-left: 148px; margin-right: 148px; margin-top: 0.75em;\">\u201cI want you to hate me!\u201d cried Turnbull, in agony. \u201cI want you to be sick when you think of my name. I am sure there is no God.\u201d<\/div>\n<div style=\"margin-bottom: 0.75em; margin-left: 148px; margin-right: 148px; margin-top: 0.75em;\">\u201cBut there is,\u201d said Madeleine, quite quietly, and rather with the air of one telling children about an elephant. \u201cWhy, I touched His body only this morning.\u201d<\/div>\n<div style=\"margin-bottom: 0.75em; margin-left: 148px; margin-right: 148px; margin-top: 0.75em;\">\u201cYou touched a bit of bread,\u201d said Turnbull, biting his knuckles. \u201cOh, I will say anything that can madden you!\u201d<\/div>\n<div style=\"margin-bottom: 0.75em; margin-left: 148px; margin-right: 148px; margin-top: 0.75em;\">\u201cYou think it is only a bit of bread,\u201d said the girl, and her lips tightened ever so little.<\/div>\n<div style=\"margin-bottom: 0.75em; margin-left: 148px; margin-right: 148px; margin-top: 0.75em;\">\u201cI know it is only a bit of bread,\u201d said Turnbull, with violence.<\/div>\n<div style=\"margin-bottom: 0.75em; margin-left: 148px; margin-right: 148px; margin-top: 0.75em;\">She flung back her open face and smiled. \u201cThen why did you refuse to eat it?\u201d she said.<\/div>\n<div style=\"margin-bottom: 0.75em; margin-left: 148px; margin-right: 148px; margin-top: 0.75em;\">James Turnbull made a little step backward, and for the first time in his life there seemed to break out and blaze in his head thoughts that were not his own.<\/div>\n<div style=\"margin-bottom: 0.75em; margin-left: 148px; margin-right: 148px; margin-top: 0.75em;\">\u201cWhy, how silly of them,\u201d cried out Madeleine, with quite a schoolgirl gaiety, \u201cwhy, how silly of them to call\u00a0<em>you<\/em> a blasphemer! Why, you have wrecked your whole business because you would not commit blasphemy.\u201d [\u2026]<\/div>\n<div style=\"margin-bottom: 0.75em; margin-left: 148px; margin-right: 148px; margin-top: 0.75em;\">\u201cYou come down here,\u201d continued the lady, with that female emphasis which is so pulverizing in conversation and so feeble at a public meeting, \u201cyou and your MacIan come down here and put on false beards or noses in order to fight. You pretend to be a Catholic commercial traveller from France. Poor Mr. MacIan has to pretend to be a dissolute nobleman from nowhere. Your scheme succeeds; you pick a quite convincing quarrel; you arrange a quite respectable duel; the duel you have planned so long will come off tomorrow with absolute certainty and safety. And then you throw off your wig and throw up your scheme and throw over your colleague, because I ask you to go into a building and eat a bit of bread. And\u00a0<em>then<\/em> you dare to tell me that you are sure there is nothing watching us. Then you say you know there is nothing on the very altar you run away from. You know\u2014\u2014\u201d<\/div>\n<div style=\"margin-bottom: 0.75em; margin-left: 148px; margin-right: 148px; margin-top: 0.75em;\">\u201cI only know,\u201d said Turnbull, \u201cthat I must run away from you. This has got beyond any talking.\u201d And he plunged along into the village, leaving his black wig and beard lying behind him on the road.<\/div>\n<p>The book is bloody fantastic. And obviously the message applies to both the doubtful Catholic and the hardened atheist. Do not be disheartened by doubts so reverent. God works through them. All this is not to say that doubt is a good thing. It is merely to say that doubt is not the end of all things, In fact, it is very often the beginning.<\/p>\n<div class=\"blogger-post-footer\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/blogger.googleusercontent.com\/tracker\/3060433030054060305-8833263965447253960?l=badcatholicblog.blogspot.com\" alt=\"\" width=\"1\" height=\"1\"><\/div>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>First of all, many apologies for my prolonged vacation. I wanted to get my life in order so I wouldn\u2019t feel quite so hypocritical posting calls to holiness. It\u2019s not in order, but it\u2019s better, which is really the story of holiness, and what it means to be a bad Catholic. It\u2019s all screwed up, [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":121,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[61],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-126","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-another-look"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v21.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Doubt.<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"First of all, many apologies for my prolonged vacation. 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