{"id":208,"date":"2011-10-06T17:25:16","date_gmt":"2011-10-06T21:25:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/badcatholic\/?p=208"},"modified":"2011-11-18T14:42:07","modified_gmt":"2011-11-18T19:42:07","slug":"the-atheists-self-help-blog-or-how-with-a-little-remodeling-you-can-prevent-your-views-from-being-laughed-at-all-the-time-part-i-being-the-obtaining-of-women","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/badcatholic\/2011\/10\/the-atheists-self-help-blog-or-how-with-a-little-remodeling-you-can-prevent-your-views-from-being-laughed-at-all-the-time-part-i-being-the-obtaining-of-women.html","title":{"rendered":"The Atheist’s Self-Help Blog or How – With a Little Remodeling – You Can Prevent Your Views From Being Laughed At All The Time, Part I Being The Obtaining of Women"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

G<\/strong>et some girls. I understand the joy of having a Boy\u2019s Club, I really do, but the lack of beauty at your conferences is seriously limiting. It might seem like a trifle, having women on your side, but you must realize \u2013 dear atheism \u2013 that the world will never go where women aren\u2019t. Women are awesome. Think back to your high-school days, remember those invitations to parties or hang-outs or study groups, and remember the only thing on that really mattered: \u201cWill there be any girls there?\u201d This same question, when applied to atheism, has particularly damning \u2013 by which I mean negative \u2013 results.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey! Come be an atheist!\u201d
\n\u201cUh-\u201d
\n\u201cDo it, there\u2019s no objective morality!\u201d
\n\u201cOh, sweet! Are there any girls?\u201d
\n\u201cWell, there\u2019s some.\u201d
\n\u201cSome?\u201d
\n\u201cVery few actually, but-\u201d
\n\u201cWait, what\u2019s the point of subjective morality if there aren\u2019t enough girls to be subjective with?\u201d
\n\u201cWell it\u2019s the princip-\u201d
\n\u201cHey, look! Catholicism! Oh man, they have pretty girls.\u201d<\/p>\n

And so on. Now there was a time, not long ago, when atheists were proud of their lack of women. And why not? Biologically speaking, women are the \u2018less-fit\u2019 sex. Given that intelligence \u2013 like every other human characteristic \u2013 is simply a result of Darwin\u2019s survival of the fittest, it made sense that women would not subscribe to the wisdom of atheism. They simply were not intelligent enough. This rational held firm with the great, atheistic, \u201cAll universal moral principles are idle fancies\u201d philosopher; The Marquis de Sade. Of course, he was also responsible for the less than ad-campaign-worthy statement: \u201cWoman\u2019s destiny is to be wanton, like the bitch, the she-wolf; she must belong to all who claim her.\u201d<\/p>\n

What irony. When Darwin\u2019s Law becomes the Moral Law women are treated far more harshly than any Leviticus passage could manage.<\/p>\n

Now I know Ayn Rand would have agreed, certainly one Atheist Woman you like to keep under wraps (though whether Ayn Rand counts as an Atheist woman is a minor question compared to whether she\u2019s a human) but regardless, and anyways, and to get back to the point, the whole \u201cwoman are dumb sex objects\u201d idea just doesn\u2019t quite fly these days. You and I know that. And if you don\u2019t<\/em> know that, just quote Sade to the next girl you find attractive. Let us know how you hold up.<\/p>\n

I have some advice. Instead of belittling women, and otherwise lacking their presence, try opening doors for them (I know there are no moral imperatives, just think of it as a mating thing), tell them that they\u2019re beautiful (I know beauty is a subjective, relative concept that doesn\u2019t actually exist, but just pretend), and please, for the love all things holy \u2013 that means important \u2013 don\u2019t pull a Richard Dawkins, what with his whole don\u2019t-whine-about-creepy-atheist-men<\/a> spiel. It\u2019s\u00a0embarrassing\u00a0for men in general, never mind the atheist movement. You might even mention love (strictly within the understanding that love does not exist outside of chemicals in our brain and is ignorable as such). Just do something<\/em>, for the love of G0d \u2013 that means pleeeaaase do something \u2013 because clearly the inherent truth of atheism isn\u2019t truthy enough.<\/p>\n

You are aware of the impression this gives those examining your cause, right? I\u2019m a big believer in the theory that you can tell a lot about a woman by the contents of her purse, and a lot about everything else from Google. So it\u2019s seriously disconcerting that upon googling \u2018atheist women\u2019 I get the following results: \u201c16 Sexiest Female Atheists (With Pictures)\u201d, \u201cSexy Atheist Women\u201d, \u201cWhere Are All the Atheist Women?\u201d \u201cWhere to Find Agnostic\/Atheistic Women\u201d \u201cMeet Single Atheist Women\u201d \u2013 with a special plea from \u20180rgasmD0nor\u2019, (she especially would love to be met) \u2013 \u201cHow to Meet Atheist Women\u201d, one \u2013 thank God, I was worried they didn\u2019t care \u2013 list of actual female atheists who did something for atheism besides a sexy photo shoot, and at the bottom of it all, irony of ironies, lies an article in which atheists confront their \u201cwoman problem\u201d<\/a>.\u00a0Yes, please confront your woman problem. Because you\u2019re\u00a0taking your cues from the Mormon church<\/a>,\u00a0spending a lot of time and money trying to look like this:<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

When in reality, you look like this:<\/p>\n

\"\"And anyone searching for \u2018atheist women\u2019 comes back with the impression that atheism is a breeding ground for sexism, darwinian gender roles and a general lack of estrogen. So atheists, find your feminine side. And I don\u2019t mean your<\/em> feminine side, I mean atheism\u2019s feminine side. Because right now, by all appearances, you can scarcely muster up a feminine handful, and you\u2019ll need more than that to save Atheism from the patriarchal monster that is the Roman Catholic Church. Let me know how it goes.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Get some girls. I understand the joy of having a Boy\u2019s Club, I really do, but the lack of beauty at your conferences is seriously limiting. It might seem like a trifle, having women on your side, but you must realize \u2013 dear atheism \u2013 that the world will never go where women aren\u2019t. Women […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":121,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[43],"tags":[3],"class_list":["post-208","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-atheism-2","tag-atheism"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Atheist's Self-Help Blog or How - With a Little Remodeling - You Can Prevent Your Views From Being Laughed At All The Time, Part I Being The Obtaining of Women<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Get some girls. 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