{"id":947,"date":"2011-12-09T17:02:46","date_gmt":"2011-12-09T22:02:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/badcatholic\/?p=947"},"modified":"2016-07-11T16:47:34","modified_gmt":"2016-07-11T20:47:34","slug":"why-gay-marriage-is-a-bad-idea","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/badcatholic\/2011\/12\/why-gay-marriage-is-a-bad-idea.html","title":{"rendered":"Why Gay Marriage Is a Bad Idea"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

N<\/strong>ow first off it is worth pointing out that, unlike most bad ideas, gay marriage is charged with positive emotion. This makes absolute sense, for marriage is \u2014 to the most extent \u2014 recognized as a beautiful good. One can understand why this video was so popular:<\/p>\n<\/iframe>\n<p>But we all need to take a deep breath and look at the issue with a little more boredom in our hearts. The answer to this cannot be a slogan yelled to the other side. It takes some thought. In fact, if you are incapable of anything but high-charged emotion over this issue \u2014 which I understand entirely, as I\u2019m often far too emotion-driven in the abortion debate \u2014 go\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=RXSMYQAfO8k&feature=related\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\">watch this<\/a>, no matter what side of the debate you\u2019re on, let it all out, and come back.<\/p>\n<p>The first question has to be:\u00a0<em>Why<\/em> do governments recognize marriages at all? If the goal of the gay-marriage movement is for gay marriage to be legally recognized and\u00a0receive\u00a0all the benefits of that legal recognition, this <em>must<\/em> be answered.<\/p>\n<p>Now shockingly, the answer is\u00a0<em>not<\/em> that the government just really, really wants to affirm the love between husband and wife. I suppose that\u2019d be nice, if we got tax breaks because we loved really freaking well. It\u2019d also be drastically stupid. No, governments recognize the institution of marriage as the primary institution responsible for the creation and raising of its society\u2019s members. If the family falters, the society as a whole falters. Governments depend on stable families for the health of the society they govern.<\/p>\n<p>It might seem self-evident, that the breakdown of the family leads to the breakdown of society, but just in case: One only need look at the rise of the welfare state, the rise in adolescent suicide, or at the rise in crime to see this.\u00a0We have a record prison population (2.4 percent of the population in 2003), record numbers of teen suicides, and \u2014 not coincidentally \u2014 a record number of \u201calternative\u201d families. According to\u00a0Harvard sociologist Robert Sampson\u00a0\u201cFamily structure is one of the strongest, if not the strongest, predictor of variations in urban violence\u00a0across cities in the United States.\u201d When the nuclear family breaks down into divorce, cohabitation etc., society as a whole pays.<\/p>\n<p>Now to be clear, this is not an argument against gay marriage quite yet. Rather, my argument relies on this foundation: That the reason marriage is recognized by the government is because the health of any society is directly affected by whether or not children are being raised healthily. (Duh.) Given this, the second question must be: Can children be raised just as well by two members of the same sex as by a biological father and mother?<\/p>\n<p>There is not enough research to definitely show that homosexual parenting is worse than traditional parenting.\u00a0Similarly, there is not enough research to definitely show that homosexual parenting is equal to traditional parenting. Of the research that exists, on both sides of the debate, most is inadequate due to failure to meet the the basic criteria for sample size, a lack of random sampling, lack of anonymity of research participants,\u00a0and general presentation bias. So what are we to do? Since family is so crucial to the health of society, it\u2019d be an idiot who says, \u201cWe don\u2019t know therefore let\u2019s just legalize gay marriage\u201d and it\u2019d be a jerk who says \u201ctherefore lets just ban it.\u201d No, we need to look at other information.<\/p>\n<p>This I maintain, that it has been shown time and time again that children thrive best with a biological mother and father\u00a0<em>because of the very nature of the parent\u2019s opposite sexes<\/em>. Child Trends, a nonpartisan research organization, summarized the scholarly consensus as such:\u00a0\u201c[R]esearch clearly demonstrates that family structure matters for children, and the family structure that helps children the most is a\u00a0family headed by two biological parents in a low-conflict marriage.\u201d(1) If this is true, it follows that removing that dynamic of two opposite sexes would be detrimental to the raising of children. This is all but admitted and bemoaned when it comes to divorce, single parenting and cohabitation. It is contested when applied to same-sex parenting. Let\u2019s run through a couple of the benefits to children that arise solely out of the complementary nature of the two sexes, shall we?<\/p>\n<p>Thanks to pregnancy and breastfeeding, women experience high levels of the hormone peptide oxytocin, a chemical that bonds them to their children. As a result, \u201cmothers are more\u00a0sensitive to the cries, words, and gestures of infants, toddlers, and adolescents, and, partly as a consequence,\u00a0they are better at providing physical and emotional nurture to their children.\u201d(11, 2, 3)<\/p>\n<p>Fathers, on the other hand, \u201cexcel when it comes to providing discipline, ensuring safety, and challenging their children to embrace life\u2019s opportunities and confront life\u2019s difficulties. The greater physical size and strength of most fathers, along with the pitch and inflection of their voice and the directive character of their speaking, give\u00a0them an advantage when it comes to discipline, an advantage that is particularly evident with boys, who are\u00a0more likely to comply with their fathers\u2019 than their mothers\u2019 discipline\u201d (11). This is not incidental to their gender; it is the result of it. The increased testosterone of men gives them this dominance and assertiveness. Thus two essential elements to the development of children \u2013 nurture and discipline \u2013 are fulfilled in the two sexes.<\/p>\n<p>This is not to say that a gay couple could not play that missing role essential to the development of a child. It is simply to say that it is not innate, and thus not as likely to be fulfilled as would be in a\u00a0traditional\u00a0marriage. The evidence that being raised by just one sex is detrimental to a child can be seen in the children of single parent homes. A Cambridge study found that 37 percent of children born outside of marriage and 31 percent of children with divorced parents dropped out of high school, compared to 13 percent of children from intact families headed by a\u00a0married mother and father. (4) A study of the entire population\u00a0of Swedish children found that Swedish boys and girls in two-parent homes were about 50 percent less\u00a0likely to suffer from suicide attempts, alcohol and drug abuse, and serious psychiatric illnesses compared to\u00a0children reared in single-parent homes (5).<\/p>\n<p>I suppose it could be argued here that this is simply because single-parent families are less likely to be wealthy. (UPDATE: This argument would essentially be saying that the problem that hurts children is not the lack of a particular <em>sex <\/em>but the lack of the economic stability that comes with having two people raising a child, and not just one. This update is necessary because folks in the combox keep saying \u201cyou\u2019re mixing up single-parent families with gay families!\u201d So to all those of that mindset, read and and understand:)\u00a0But according to a review of all available American data\/literature, family structure has more of a consequence on a child\u2019s psychological and behavioral outcomes than poverty. It seems that the lack of money just doesn\u2019t compare to the lack of a Dad or a Mom (6). Sex matters. The lack of a Mom and a Dad has been shown to be the foremost problem in single-parent families. Same-sex marriages \u2014 by default, not by failure \u2014 lack in this same regard.<\/p>\n<p>Similarly, it matters for the sexual development of girls. \u201cTeenage girls who grow up with a single mother or a\u00a0stepfather are significantly more likely to experience early menstruation and sexual development, compared\u00a0to girls reared in homes headed by a married mother and father\u201d (7, 11). They are as a consequence more likely to experience teenage pregnancy (8). \u00a0Why? Because sexual development is stimulated by the\u00a0pheromones\u00a0of non-biological males. This is a non-issue for lesbian parents, and a major issue for homosexual male parents.<\/p>\n<p>But lesbian parents \u2014 and anyone else \u2014 who use artificial technologies and sperm donation to become pregnant have to face a serious truth. According to\u00a0Yale psychiatrist Kyle Pruett, ART children by and large have a\u00a0\u201chunger for an abiding paternal presence\u201d (9). This was struck home to me by the website <a href=\"http:\/\/anonymousus.org\/\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\">AnonymousUs<\/a>, that includes stories about ART-produced children\u2019s struggle for identity.<\/p>\n<p>In the absence of good research on homosexual parenting, we have to look at the research on parenting in general. And this research consistently points to the fact that the best family situation is one with a faithful father and mother. It is a fact that the introduction will not lead to more father-and-mother families, and I sincerely doubt that the introduction of gay marriage will lead to more faithful families in general.\u00a0General Social Survey, sponsored by the\u00a0National Science Foundation and based at the\u00a0University of Chicago, concludes that there is about a\u00a025 percent lifetime infidelity rate amidst couples. Compare this to the 50% percent of gay men in Vermont entering civil unions who said that fidelity is not important to their\u00a0relationships (10). Obviously, this is a single location, but it fits with <a href=\"http:\/\/www.nytimes.com\/2010\/01\/29\/us\/29sfmetro.html\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\">the overall lack of fidelity in homosexual relationships<\/a>. If there is a single study that shows homosexuals relationships to be equally as faithful as heterosexual relationships, and not drastically less, I have not found it.<\/p>\n<p>The goodness of the nuclear family is a small part of why I think gay marriage is a bad idea. This is not to say that I believe the government should do this or that, it is simply to point out that \u2014 if our society depends on families \u2014 we should avoid undermining the family in favor of an \u201canything with love goes\u201d mentality. Obviously, one can scarcely stand against gay marriage in this way without standing against divorce and cohabitation. I do stand against these. It\u2019s not about gays not being accepted, or not being worthy, or not being in love enough. My life is full enough of awesome gay people to know that this is mere bigotry. It\u2019s about the very purpose of marriage, and how well a mother and father fulfill it. But obviously, I\u2019m a heterosexual and thus innately biased, so I\u2019d like to take the opportunity to point out a couple of Catholic SSA men who strongly oppose gay marriage. There very existence should give the gay-marriage movement pause:<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.stevegershom.com\/\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\">http:\/\/www.stevegershom.com\/<\/a>,<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/catholicboyrichard.wordpress.com\/who-is-this-clown-anyway\/\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\">http:\/\/catholicboyrichard.wordpress.com\/<\/a><\/p>\n<p><a title=\"External link\" href=\"http:\/\/jamesmerton.com\/\" rel=\"nofollow\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\">http:\/\/jamesmerton.com\/<\/a><\/p>\n<p>And of course, read this:<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/youngandcatholic.net\/2011\/07\/catholic-and-gay\/\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\">http:\/\/youngandcatholic.net\/2011\/07\/catholic-and-gay\/<\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/badcatholic\/2011\/12\/a-gay-reader-writes.html\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\">A Gay Reader Responds<\/a><\/p>\n<p>Sources<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px;\">1. Kristin Anderson Moore, Susan M. Jekielek, and Carol Emig, 2002. \u201cMarriage from a Child\u2019s Perspective:\u00a0How Does Family Structure Affect Children, and What Can be Done about It?\u201d Research Brief, June 2002.\u00a0Washington, DC: Child Trends. p. 6.<\/span><\/p>\n<h5>2.\u00a0Eleanor Maccoby. 1998. The Two Sexes: Growing Up Apart, Coming Together. Cambridge: Harvard University<\/h5>\n<h5>3. David Geary. 1998. Male, Female: The Evolution of Human Sex Differences. Washington, DC: American<\/h5>\n<h5>4. Sara McLanahan and Gary Sandefur. 1994. Growing Up with a Single Parent. Cambridge: Harvard University\u00a0Press.<\/h5>\n<h5>Wilcox et al. 2005. Elizabeth Marquardt. 2005b. Between Two Worlds: The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce.\u00a0New York: Crown.<\/h5>\n<h5>5. Gunilla Ringback Weitoft, Anders Hjern, Bengt Haglund, and Mans Rosen. 2003. \u201cMortality, Severe\u00a0Morbidity, and Injury in Children Living with Single Parents in Sweden: A Population-Based Study.\u201d The\u00a0Lancet 361: 289\u2013295.<\/h5>\n<h5>6. Sara McLanahan. 1997. \u201cParent Absence or Poverty: Which Matters More?\u201d In G. Duncan and J. BrooksGunn, Consequences of Growing Up Poor. New York: Russell Sage.<\/h5>\n<h5>7. Bruce Ellis. 2002. \u201cTiming of Pubertal Maturation in Girls: An Integrated Life History Approach.\u201d Psychology\u00a0Bulletin 130: 920\u2013958.<\/h5>\n<h5>8. McLanahan and Sandefur. 1994. Bruce Ellis et al. 2003. \u201cDoes Father Absence Place Daughters at Special Risk\u00a0for Early Sexual Activity and Teenage Pregnancy?\u201d Child Development 74: 801\u2013821.<\/h5>\n<h5>9.\u00a0Kyle Pruett. 2000. Fatherneed. New York: Broadway. P. 207. See also Marquardt. 2005b and David Popenoe.\u00a01996. Life Without Father. Cambridge: Harvard University Press<\/h5>\n<h5>10. Esther Rothblum and Sondra Solomon. 2003. Civil Unions in the State of Vermont: A Report on the First Year.\u00a0University of Vermont Department of Psychology.<\/h5>\n<p>11.\u00a0Most of my understanding \u2014 and subsequent quoting \u2014 came from\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/www.winst.org\/family_marriage_and_democracy\/WI_Marriage.pdf\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\">this awesome review of marriage in relation to the public good.<\/a> Read it.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Now first off it is worth pointing out that, unlike most bad ideas, gay marriage is charged with positive emotion. This makes absolute sense, for marriage is \u2014 to the most extent \u2014 recognized as a beautiful good. One can understand why this video was so popular: But we all need to take a deep […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":121,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[53],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-947","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-pop-culture"],"yoast_head":"\n<title>Why Gay Marriage Is a Bad Idea<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Now first off it is worth pointing out that, unlike most bad ideas, gay marriage is charged with positive emotion. 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