![\"\"](\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/225\/2013\/02\/feminism.png\" "\\"feminism\\"")
<\/a><\/p>\nFor the majority of my grown up life, I\u2019ve been deeply skeptical of feminism. Mind you, I don\u2019t want women to be barefoot and pregnant, despite my blog title. I believe that women and men are equal in value, even if they are fundamentally different in nature. In fact, one of my earliest college memories was a moment in Lit Trad IV, when I nearly jumped over the tables in a fit of rage after a boy insisted that \u201cSonia is a filthy whore.\u201d<\/p>\n
When he said that, my cheeks went red like I had just been slapped, and I kind of felt like I had. \u201cShe\u2019s selling her body to provide food for her siblings,\u201d I said in a low, dangerous tone. My professor looked at me in alarm. I probably looked a little frightening, with my hands planted on either side of my open book, palms pressed into the table, fingers splayed, my whole body tilting slightly forward. All I remember is watching the kid watch me, seeing his lip curl in disgust, and mentally thinking, don\u2019t say what I know you\u2019re going to say. Just don\u2019t do it. Don\u2019t be that person. <\/em><\/p>\n But he did say it. \u201cShe\u2019s still a dirty whore. Doesn\u2019t matter why she\u2019s a slut. A slut\u2019s a slut.\u201d I fired back, \u201cso if you were her brother, would you refuse to eat the food she buys with that money, then? Would you help her find other work? Would you work yourself so she didn\u2019t have to sell her body?\u201d He smiled then, and said slowly, \u201cNo. I\u2019d eat the food, then I\u2019d slap her across the face and tell her that her sin is disgusting in the eyes of God and man.\u201d<\/p>\n It was at that point that my professor bodily removed me from the class, since I was halfway over the table with my hands balled into fists. Outside the class, she hugged me and told me that she completely understood and was also upset, but there were some people who only want to provoke and condemn, and words were wasted on them.<\/p>\n He was the exception, though, not the rule. I was sure of it. I was sure of then and I\u2019ve been sure of it ever since. And seeing my husband do battle with the feminists in the years between that moment and this have left me without one iota of sympathy for anything that reeked of feminism. He\u2019s been accused of misogyny more times than I can count because he\u2019s a straight white Catholic male. I\u2019ve been sure, just sure,<\/em> that feminists see sexism wherever they want to, that it\u2019s not really there, not really, not anymore. And women who talk about sexism in language, well, they should hang out with this girl:<\/p>\n (start it at :50 to avoid the \u201cB\u201d word)<\/p>\nhttp:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=Hb5_9cDY3ys<\/a>\n Lately I\u2019ve had that assurance rattled. Mostly because my online BFF, Kass-tacular<\/a>, has been having some feminist angst. I sort of brushed it off at first, like, oh, she\u2019s just moved to NYC and is swinging the pendulum in reaction to her ORU days, just like I\u2019m swinging left now in reaction to my uber-right days. It happens to us all, it\u2019ll correct itself, it\u2019s an Aristotelian phase. So when the Patrick Madrid Twitter-swear-gate happened, and the focus was immediately on the perceived sexism behind his tweets, I brushed it off too. I really didn\u2019t think there was anything sexist behind him calling out women for swearing.<\/strong> After all, as I told Kassie, he was born in a different era, when men didn\u2019t curse in front of women because chivalry, <\/em>that\u2019s why. And that\u2019s dead and gone and makes me sad because I hate trying to wrestle doors open on my own with a baby on my hip and two toddlers in a double stroller.<\/p>\n Then two things happened. Clare Coffey<\/a> pointed out, on Twitter, that \u201cthe idea that it\u2019s somehow okay to specifically call out women for swearing is close to the definition of sexism.\u201d Cari Donaldson<\/a>, in a separate forum, pointed out that the language he used was specifically based on appearance.<\/strong> Jess has a good run-down of the conversation on CathoFeminism i<\/a>f you want to see all the tweets about the topic of women swearing. Some of the descriptions used about swearing female Catholic bloggers were \u201cdisgusting,\u201d \u201cmajor turn-off,\u201d and \u201c(they) have really let themselves go.\u201d<\/p>\n This has been making me uneasy. Ever since this happened, I\u2019ve started noticing the same trend\u2026everywhere.<\/strong> Men judging women for what they do based on \u201cattractiveness.\u201d Women<\/em> judging women for what they do based on \u201cattractiveness.\u201d Me judging myself for what I do or write based on \u201cattractiveness.\u201d<\/p>\n Last night it all kind of blew up for me when the tweets and status updates about Beyonce\u2019s halftime performance started pouring in. Here\u2019s what I wrote on facebook:<\/p>\n I did not watch the halftime show or the game, thank God. But I\u2019m appalled by these status updates and tweets. Everyone commenting on how \u201cdisgusting\u201d or \u201cnot sexy\u201d or \u201cunappealing\u201d Beyonce was is part of the problem. The problem of judging a woman based on her appearance. What happened to objective morality? What happened to virtue? Why is no one appealing to right or wrong, but only their own sense of what\u2019s \u201chot?\u201d Shaming someone into behaving a certain way by telling her she isn\u2019t attractive is what got us here in the first place, where women feel they have to cavort half-naked on a stage in order to be deemed worthy of praise.<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n Some of my friends seemed to think that I was defending Beyonce\u2019s apparently obscene show. I wasn\u2019t. What I was trying to point out is that turning off the TV or using this as a moment to teach your children about virtue, modesty, our culture\u2019s objectification of women (which women are in some ways responsible for, y\u2019all) is one thing. I\u2019d argue that it\u2019s a good thing. This:<\/p>\n is something quite different, and something very bad.<\/p>\n And it\u2019s pretty much the same thing that happened on Twitter.<\/p>\n It is wrong to call out a woman for doing something because it\u2019s unattractive.<\/strong> This type of behavior has nothing to do with the objective ideal of beauty. It\u2019s all about trying to get a woman to change her behavior because you (or someone else) doesn\u2019t find it attractive.<\/p>\n It\u2019s wrong because that is the same attitude that got us here. Men and women<\/em> have been changing the expectations for women\u2019s behavior for years, maybe even decades, maybe even centuries based on what\u2019s attractive.<\/strong> Men are not held to the same standard. No one says to a boy, \u201cdon\u2019t cuss, it\u2019s not attractive.\u201d They say, \u201cdon\u2019t cuss, it\u2019s wrong.\u201d (Personally, I say, \u201cdon\u2019t cuss, because you don\u2019t understand what you\u2019re saying or how and when to use those words.\u201d But then, I\u2019m raising heathens.) But it\u2019s so common to hear someone say to a little girl, \u201cdon\u2019t cuss, it\u2019s ugly\u201d that I didn\u2019t even blink twice at it on Twitter.<\/p>\n This is a problem for a lot of reasons. It\u2019s a problem because we\u2019re holding our boys and girls to two different standards of morality based on a subjective standard instead of an objective truth.<\/strong> If you\u2019re thinking, \u201coh Calah, stop overreacting. It\u2019s just a figure of speech, it doesn\u2019t effect real life,\u201d think again. A Catholic school in New Jersey just implemented a no swearing rule for girls only. <\/a><\/p>\n It\u2019s a problem because by carelessly using this kind of language, we are still teaching our girls that their worth is measured by how they appear.<\/strong> The criticism of women swearing was not concerned with an objective sense of right or wrong. It was a criticism that relied entirely on\u00a0the premise that swearing negatively affects a man\u2019s attraction to women.\u00a0<\/strong>Patrick Madrid literally said, \u201cwhen women swear, I find them less attractive.\u201d And that was echoed by men and women all over Twitter. \u201cYes, yes, it\u2019s so disgusting for a woman to have a potty mouth! Yuck!\u201d<\/p>\n This is disturbing. Now that I\u2019m really seeing it, I\u2019m really disturbed by it. Why is this okay? Why is it permissible for anyone to judge a woman\u2019s actions based on how it affects her level of appeal?<\/strong> It\u2019s just like the \u201cpants are for sinners\u201d post<\/a>, where it\u2019s ostensibly about the relative morality of women\u2019s fashions, but if you scratch the surface you see that what\u2019s really being said is, \u201cI like to see a woman in a skirt, and since I\u2019m a good, God-fearing man, you women owe me that visual pleasure. So put a skirt on and I\u2019ll find you more attractive!\u201d<\/p>\n
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