Just Another Mother's Day<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"It's 7:28 am on Mothers' Day morning. The Ogre is snoring heavily in bed with the dark curtains drawn over every inch of the windows. He was up until 4 am\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/2013\/05\/just-another-mothers-day.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Just Another Mother's Day\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"It's 7:28 am on Mothers' Day morning. The Ogre is snoring heavily in bed with the dark curtains drawn over every inch of the windows. He was up until 4 am\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/2013\/05\/just-another-mothers-day.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Barefoot and Pregnant\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2013-05-12T12:34:08+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2016-10-10T15:51:30+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/wp.patheos.com.s3.amazonaws.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/files\/2013\/05\/CalahCharlotte.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Calah Alexander\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Calah Alexander\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/2013\/05\/just-another-mothers-day.html\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/2013\/05\/just-another-mothers-day.html\",\"name\":\"Just Another Mother's Day\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2013-05-12T12:34:08+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2016-10-10T15:51:30+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/#\/schema\/person\/cbd5af11d9f73881b801bf2e07eb8757\"},\"description\":\"It's 7:28 am on Mothers' Day morning. 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{"id":1854,"date":"2013-05-12T08:34:08","date_gmt":"2013-05-12T12:34:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/?p=1854"},"modified":"2016-10-10T11:51:30","modified_gmt":"2016-10-10T15:51:30","slug":"just-another-mothers-day","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/2013\/05\/just-another-mothers-day.html","title":{"rendered":"Just Another Mother’s Day"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

$\"\"$ <\/a><\/p>\n

He did the same thing last night. And the night before. And the night before.<\/p>\n

In fact, he does the same thing almost every night. No, the kids aren\u2019t always sick, but Lincoln wakes up nearly every night and the Ogre takes him 19 nights out of 20. He always puts my needs first. During the school year he works from 9 to 6, comes home for an hour for dinner, and then goes straight back to the writing center until 10:30 or 11. And in that hour, he never comes home and relaxes. He comes home and helps me feed the kids dinner, get them in bed, and then cleans and sweeps the kitchen before going back to work.<\/p>\n

And yet, a few years ago, I would have been spending this morning feeling sorry for myself because my husband didn\u2019t do anything for me for Mothers\u2019 Day.<\/p>\n

I used to buy into the cultural lie that love is measured in Grand Gestures. I\u2019m not sure why, really; I grew up with a dad who turned small, everyday, constant tokens of love and affection into an art form. But for some reason the fact that my husband is really good at the daily kind of love and not so good at the Champagne and Diamonds kind used to be an excuse for me to put on my neglected pants and nail myself to my \u201cunappreciated martyr\u201d cross.<\/p>\n

Yesterday the Ogre mentioned feeling bad about not planning anything for Mothers\u2019 Day and having to work. I laughed at him a little and said, \u201care you kidding? This past week has been such a nightmare, and you have been doing my job and yours. Sometimes Mothers\u2019 Day comes at a bad time and it\u2019s just another day. Go to work!\u201d<\/p>\n

He looked at my incredulously. A few years ago I would not have said such a thing. Or I might have said it, but I wouldn\u2019t have meant it, and he would have had to pay for it later in cold shoulders or a fragile, bruised ego.<\/p>\n

I kind of want to reach back in time and smack past me. My husband has spent all the years of our marriage making every day Mothers\u2019 Day. The refrain of our marriage has been \u201cwhat can I do to help you?\u201d, but its been a lopsided solo. Or rather, it\u2019s been echoed by me saying, \u201cwhy don\u2019t you do anything to help me?\u201d<\/p>\n

I must be getting at least a little less selfish, or I wouldn\u2019t be able to see how lopsided the sacrificial aspect of our marriage is. It was painful to see the Ogre\u2019s incredulity when he saw that I truly didn\u2019t care about Mothers\u2019 Day getting lost in the grind of illness. Is that the kind of wife I\u2019ve been?<\/em><\/p>\n

Well, yes, it is. But it doesn\u2019t have to be the kind of wife I will be.<\/p>\n

So for Mothers\u2019 Day this year, I\u2019m going to let my husband sleep in. I\u2019m going to make him breakfast and make sure his coffee is hot when he wakes up, send him off to work with a smile, and welcome him home with and a kiss instead of frustration. And then I\u2019m going to do it again tomorrow.<\/p>\n

The funny thing about Mothers\u2019 Day this year is that I really don\u2019t feel unappreciated. I\u2019ve worked harder to improve my virtue as a wife and mother in the past two years than I ever have before. I\u2019ve genuinely tried to see my vocation as a blessing instead of a curse. And although I still struggle, I\u2019m much happier. I\u2019m less likely to fall to my knees and cry \u201cwoe is me!\u201d And I\u2019m slowly starting to pry my fingers off my martyr complex. I don\u2019t feel like the Ogre owes me chocolate, flowers, breakfast in bed, or a day at the spa for all the sacrifices I make as a wife and mother. I just want him to get some rest today to make up for all the rest I got last night. I don\u2019t feel like the least my ungrateful children could do for Mothers\u2019 Day is take me out for dinner. I feel like what they should to today is what they do every day\u2026be my children. Fight with each other, spill their milk, play dress-up, ask questions, climb into my lap, and turn their tear-stained faces up for kiss from Mommy.<\/p>\n

Maybe that\u2019s why Mothers\u2019 Day has become such a big deal in our country. It seems like the less we value motherhood and the more we see it as a life of indentured servitude, the more grossly exaggerated our demands become that the ones we serve recognize our sacrifice. This year has been a year of greater sacrifice from me than I\u2019ve ever given to motherhood before, and for the first year ever, I don\u2019t feel entitled to an obsequious show of appreciation. I just want to spend today like I spend every day\u2026being a mother.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"