{"id":194,"date":"2011-08-08T12:40:00","date_gmt":"2011-08-08T12:40:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/2011\/08\/go-the-f-to-sleep\/"},"modified":"2017-03-09T22:23:35","modified_gmt":"2017-03-10T03:23:35","slug":"go-the-f-to-sleep","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/2011\/08\/go-the-f-to-sleep.html","title":{"rendered":"Go the F to Sleep"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>\n\n\n\n
<\/a><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
If anyone wants to buy Liam a birthday gift, this is #1, #2, #3 and #4 on my wish list for him<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

I have to make a confession.<\/p>\n

I am absolutely, hideously, atrociously terrible at establishing good bedtime habits for our children. But phenomenally<\/i> awful.<\/p>\n

Not when they\u2019re older! No, the girls are a dream to put down. Brush the teeth, give the blessing, say the prayers, give them kisses, order them sternly to stop whatever shenanigans they\u2019re starting and tell them that if they get out of bed they\u2019re going to be punished dreadfully, and they\u2019re done for the night.<\/p>\n

But this is always a post-2-year development. Pre-2, we do a weird mash-up of co-sleeping and sometimes using the crib. We only really did the cry-it-out method with Charlotte, and up until that point, I nursed, walked, rocked, coaxed, wheedled and finally handed the babies off to the Ogre, who worked some kind of voodoo magic on the little devils(he called it patience<\/i>).<\/p>\n

With Sienna, this meant that she didn\u2019t really start sleeping in her own bed until she was almost three, and even then she ended up on our floor half the time.<\/p>\n

Charlotte was a special case. At the age of nine months, she flat-out refused to sleep in bed with us anymore, so we moved her to a crib and after crying for about five minutes, she has slept happily on her own, and then with Sienna, ever since. To this day, she doesn\u2019t sleep well with anyone but Sienna.<\/p>\n

The bad thing about that was that the Ogre and I got a taste of what life could be like if we established good bedtime habits and actually put our children down in the early evening.<\/p>\n

Conversations. Leisurely glasses of wine. Television marathons. Jewelry making. Sex<\/i>.<\/p>\n

Yeah, life was sweet for those two weeks before Liam was conceived. And it was pretty sweet after those two weeks, since Charlotte was a champion at bedtime.<\/p>\n

But Liam\u2026oh\u2026oh\u2026oh.<\/p>\n

Oh.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
<\/a><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
I may look angelic, but if you feed me after midnight I\u2019ll eat your soul<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

Just so you don\u2019t have any misconceptions, this is at least<\/i> 50% his fault. The problem is that he\u2019s always been such an easy baby. Even when he was a newborn, I would nurse him after I put the girls down and\u2026and\u2026he would just fall asleep. And stay asleep when I laid him on our bed, or in his crib as he grew.<\/p>\n

I thought to myself, \u201cSelf, we could get used to this.\u201d And get used to it we did. For ten blissful months, the little man went down at eight and stayed asleep until just about the time I crawled into bed myself, at which point I would just pull him into bed with me and he\u2019d sleep the rest of the night all curled up against me. Sure, we had the occasional rough night, but those were so few and far between that I saw no reason to change anything.<\/p>\n

And then.<\/p>\n

And then.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t understand what is happening now. He will not sleep. I spend, on average, two to three hours a night trying to get him to sleep before gingerly placing him in his crib, only to have him immediately wake up and scream 75% of the time. He flails around at night, sleeping fitfully in the bed with me, scrambling to both nurse and push me away at the same time. He is absolutely, completely incapable of putting himself back to sleep. And he spends the days crawling around, slightly hysterical, trying to both play and rub his eyes at the same time.<\/p>\n

And I am turning into a bleary-eyed zombie. An angry<\/i> bleary-eyed zombie.<\/p>\n

I can hear you now. Come on, Calah! Show a little chutzpuh and let the little guy cry it out! It won\u2019t kill him!<\/i>

<\/i>
Oh, my friends, how desperately I agree with you.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s the problem: you may have noticed that we\u2019re living with my parents at the moment, so we\u2019re all four staying in one room. Therefore, if I would like two of my three children to sleep at night, I can\u2019t train the third one to.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s a dilemma, no? Compounded by my desperate, desperate need for actual hours<\/i> of sleep instead of hour<\/i>.<\/p>\n

The Ogre is coming into town on Wednesday, and the Coach and Sasha Feroce (those are my in-laws, remember?) are going out of town for four days. We\u2019re staying in their four-bedroom house, so my plan is to do a crash-course in sleep-training.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s my attack plan so far:<\/p>\n

8pm: put Liam in the crib
8:01pm: walk out the door<\/p>\n

It\u2019s a work in progress, I\u2019ll admit. Do y\u2019all have any suggestions? I have let him cry it out a few times for naps, including today. I\u2019d say on those occasions he cried for an average of 45 minutes and slept for an average of 20. This seems excessively long to me for such a short period of sleep, but maybe it\u2019s not. I dunno. Maybe I just need to leave him in the crib longer.<\/p>\n

I do know that something must be done if I am to retain any semblance of sanity. So here I am, begging for your help. Do you guys have any concrete suggestions? (Please, please don\u2019t recommend a book. I know that books help, but I have neither the time nor the inclination to read a book about sleep training when I could be sleeping.)<\/p>\n

Also, if you let your little angel cry it out and it successfully helped you establish a bedtime routine, tell me your story! It will comfort me in the coming days, when I\u2019m trying to pretend Liam isn\u2019t wailing his poor little lungs out.<\/p>\n

Maybe one of these times I\u2019ll learn and actually establish healthy sleep habits early in life, like my BFF Meg is always telling me to do. But, well, better late than never? Maybe?<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

If anyone wants to buy Liam a birthday gift, this is #1, #2, #3 and #4 on my wish list for him I have to make a confession. I am absolutely, hideously, atrociously terrible at establishing good bedtime habits for our children. But phenomenally awful. Not when they\u2019re older! No, the girls are a dream […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1110,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-194","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nGo the F to Sleep<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"If anyone wants to buy Liam a birthday gift, this is #1, #2, #3 and #4 on my wish list for him I have to make a confession.I am absolutely, hideously,\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/2011\/08\/go-the-f-to-sleep.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Go the F to Sleep\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"If anyone wants to buy Liam a birthday gift, this is #1, #2, #3 and #4 on my wish list for him I have to make a confession.I am absolutely, hideously,\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/2011\/08\/go-the-f-to-sleep.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Barefoot and Pregnant\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2011-08-08T12:40:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2017-03-10T03:23:35+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/-YTnI09enZgc\/TkA6N0wVjTI\/AAAAAAAAArE\/Ym6nLxdOrLs\/s400\/go-the-fuck-to-sleep.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Calah Alexander\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Calah Alexander\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/2011\/08\/go-the-f-to-sleep.html\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/2011\/08\/go-the-f-to-sleep.html\",\"name\":\"Go the F to Sleep\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2011-08-08T12:40:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2017-03-10T03:23:35+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/#\/schema\/person\/cbd5af11d9f73881b801bf2e07eb8757\"},\"description\":\"If anyone wants to buy Liam a birthday gift, this is #1, #2, #3 and #4 on my wish list for him I have to make a confession.I am absolutely, hideously,\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/2011\/08\/go-the-f-to-sleep.html#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/2011\/08\/go-the-f-to-sleep.html\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/2011\/08\/go-the-f-to-sleep.html#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Go the F to Sleep\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/\",\"name\":\"Barefoot and Pregnant\",\"description\":\"\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/#\/schema\/person\/cbd5af11d9f73881b801bf2e07eb8757\",\"name\":\"Calah Alexander\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/cf23055e0549e8c78beb5077e949befd?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/cf23055e0549e8c78beb5077e949befd?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Calah Alexander\"},\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/author\/calahalexander\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Go the F to Sleep","description":"If anyone wants to buy Liam a birthday gift, this is #1, #2, #3 and #4 on my wish list for him I have to make a confession.I am absolutely, hideously,","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/2011\/08\/go-the-f-to-sleep.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Go the F to Sleep","og_description":"If anyone wants to buy Liam a birthday gift, this is #1, #2, #3 and #4 on my wish list for him I have to make a confession.I am absolutely, hideously,","og_url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/2011\/08\/go-the-f-to-sleep.html","og_site_name":"Barefoot and Pregnant","article_published_time":"2011-08-08T12:40:00+00:00","article_modified_time":"2017-03-10T03:23:35+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/-YTnI09enZgc\/TkA6N0wVjTI\/AAAAAAAAArE\/Ym6nLxdOrLs\/s400\/go-the-fuck-to-sleep.jpg"}],"author":"Calah Alexander","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Calah Alexander","Est. reading time":"5 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/2011\/08\/go-the-f-to-sleep.html","url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/2011\/08\/go-the-f-to-sleep.html","name":"Go the F to Sleep","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/#website"},"datePublished":"2011-08-08T12:40:00+00:00","dateModified":"2017-03-10T03:23:35+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/#\/schema\/person\/cbd5af11d9f73881b801bf2e07eb8757"},"description":"If anyone wants to buy Liam a birthday gift, this is #1, #2, #3 and #4 on my wish list for him I have to make a confession.I am absolutely, hideously,","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/2011\/08\/go-the-f-to-sleep.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/2011\/08\/go-the-f-to-sleep.html"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/2011\/08\/go-the-f-to-sleep.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Go the F to Sleep"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/","name":"Barefoot and Pregnant","description":"","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/#\/schema\/person\/cbd5af11d9f73881b801bf2e07eb8757","name":"Calah Alexander","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/cf23055e0549e8c78beb5077e949befd?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/cf23055e0549e8c78beb5077e949befd?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Calah Alexander"},"url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/author\/calahalexander"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/194","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1110"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=194"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/194\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=194"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=194"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=194"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}