Practically, this hasn\u2019t been an issue for me in many a year. In Vegas, you can basically wear whatever you want and no one notices as long as you have a pole in your hand. I got pregnant about five seconds after we moved to Ave Maria, so my wardrobe was maternity chic until it became postpartum frump.<\/p>\n
But then I spent the summer in Texas (where it\u2019s not quite hot enough to make me want to defenestrate myself but it\u2019s still pretty hot) and since I\u2019ve spent the last 9 months since Lincoln was born working out a lot and eating a cookie instead of all the cookies, my legs are pretty okay and they don\u2019t want to suffocate anymore. So my mom bought me all these shorts, because she\u2019s the best ever.<\/p>\n
Which presented me with a dilemma. It\u2019s one thing in Texas \u2014 people are used to shorts cause they\u2019re everywhere. But here in Ave, where there are rarely above-the-knee short sightings, what\u2019s a postpartum-mom-of-four-who\u2019s- sweating-like-a-mother to do? Suddenly I understood the drive behind the Modesty Crusades. It\u2019s not a war on women who wear shorts, it\u2019s women wanting to wear shorts but not having a fixed set of rules about how short is too short!<\/p>\n
That, my friends, is a problem I can fix simply by crafting an alternate personality and spending 45 minutes in the bathroom taking a bunch of embarrassing selfies. So without further ado, I give you<\/p>\n
Assuming, of course, that you\u2019ve all made the general leap into the sin of wearing pants, I\u2019m here to help you navigate the inverse relationship between inches lost and depravity gained. Let\u2019s start with option 1, shall we? <\/em><\/p>\n Above-the-Ankle<\/strong><\/p>\n These, I imagine, are the perfect capris to wear in the summer in Canada. Here in southwest Florida, however, they\u2019re too hot to wear on Christmas Day. I know, because I wore them on Christmas Day and sweated my tushy off.<\/p>\n On the plus side, though, if you\u2019ve already alienated the ankle-hating sola skirtura crowd, you\u2019re not likely to cause any kind of scandal in these puppies.<\/p>\n Until you jump off a cliff just to feel the breeze on the way down.<\/p>\n Summer Style Factor:<\/p>\n Sin Factor:<\/p>\n Option #2: Above-the-Knee<\/strong><\/p>\n The good news is that when you wear these short(er) jeans, your knees<\/em> won\u2019t be sweating. That\u2019s basically the same thing as not feeling like the lower half of your body is encased in Dolly Parton\u2019s denim legwarmers, right?<\/p>\n But mostly, with these shorts, you\u2019ve chosen the worst of both worlds. Your knees are uncovered, which means you can\u2019t enter a church in Europe so you\u2019re pretty much going to hell. But only<\/em> your knees are uncovered, which means you\u2019re still sweating bollocks and feeling like you\u2019re pretty much already in hell.<\/p>\n Congratulations. You\u2019re almost as good at picking out shorts as I am at blogging.<\/p>\n Summer Style Factor:<\/p>\n Sin Factor:<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/225\/2013\/08\/BathroomSelfies-Sin-and-Style-Guide.png\" "\\"BathroomSelfie's")
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