{"id":2402,"date":"2013-10-10T16:15:47","date_gmt":"2013-10-10T20:15:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/?p=2402"},"modified":"2015-09-19T15:59:37","modified_gmt":"2015-09-19T19:59:37","slug":"if-you-love-me-feed-my-sheep-salad","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/2013\/10\/if-you-love-me-feed-my-sheep-salad.html","title":{"rendered":"If You Love Me, Feed My Sheep Salad"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\"\"<\/a>
Love in a box<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/p>

A few days ago, I pathetically bemoaned<\/del> mentioned my lack of a salad spinner. One of my friends joked with me about it and then bought me one on Amazon and had it mailed to me.<\/p>\n

Yeah, really, he did. It was completely unexpected and delightful. But it wasn\u2019t shocking, per se<\/em>, because this particular person, along with his wife, have spent the better part of the past decade becoming two of my most cherished friends. Their generosity is just one aspect of their consuming charity.<\/p>\n

No one would mistake them for orthodox Catholics, and they actually tend toward the liberal side of things. He convinced me that I was an idiot for not believing in the Big Bang Theory, and every time we see them, he and the Ogre go rounds about something or other while his wife and I drink wine and giggle. To say that we disagree about everything under the sun wouldn\u2019t be an understatement. And yet, we enjoy their company more than any other couple we know.<\/p>\n

They know where we stand on contraception and we know where they stand on it, because we\u2019ve had conversations about Church teachings and morality and theology and everything else. Can I tell you how many times we\u2019ve had a conversation about whether or not they use contraception? Zero. Zero times.\u00a0 They know where we stand on it, and they see us living out those beliefs. It would be profoundly<\/em> uncharitable, Pharisaical in the worst way, for us to have the audacity to claim that we could judge their souls. More, it would be freaking horrible and would likely destroy our friendship with them. I can\u2019t imagine a friendship that kind of proselytizing <\/a>wouldn\u2019t destroy. But mostly I have no leg to stand on, because I think I\u2019ve learned more about love and charity from them than they\u2019ve learned from me.<\/p>\n

Once upon a time, I had a friend who was morbidly obese. Her eating habits were bad. She didn\u2019t exercise. She didn\u2019t seem much inclined to change her lifestyle. But I really loved spending time with her, and I never once refused to go to Sonic with her because it would be a tacit approval of her gluttonous lifestyle. I did, however, gossip about her sometimes. She was fat<\/em>, you know? Not to be rude or anything, but\u2026<\/p>\n

Much later, I accidentally overhead a conversation in which her ardent defense of me was related. The speakers, unaware of my presence, were incredulous that she would get so touchy, because I was knocked up<\/em>, you know? And not to be rude or anything, but they were pretty sure that I was on drugs.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s one thing to speak the truth in love if a friend wants your opinion and guidance. It\u2019s another thing to be a self-righteous jackass who thinks it\u2019s okay to point out other people\u2019s sins because \u201clove\u201d.<\/p>\n

Sometimes I think people have forgotten how to read the Bible. Jesus went and hung out with the tax collectors and prostitutes because he loved them. Listen, they were marginalized and avoided. The Pharisees were horrified at Jesus for going. Do you think, for one bloody second, that the tax collectors and prostitutes were under any illusions about their lifestyles?<\/p>\n

Seriously, think about it. Do you think there were any shortage of Pharisees and Saducees and whatever-else-ees telling them that they were dirty sinners? I think they got the message. I don\u2019t think Jesus saying \u201csin no more\u201d was some kind of huge surprise. I doubt they were all, \u201coh, this is sin<\/em>? Holy crap! You are literally the first person to tell us that!\u201d<\/p>\n

Probably what made them listen to Jesus was that he loved them. Not, like, from a distance. He chose their company over the company of those who hated sin so much that they couldn\u2019t bear to associate with the sinner. He just skipped right over the faithful, the people who had been following the letter of the law that God Himself had given them to follow in preparation for the coming of His Son, in favor of the ones who needed His mercy more. And the Pharisees were so busy being offended that they failed to recognize Him.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s a revelation: I\u2019m not Christ. (I know you\u2019re shocked.) But what that means, practically, is that I can\u2019t just tell people to stop sinning whenever I want. There have been extremely rare times when that\u2019s what the Holy Spirit asks me to say. I hate those times. It\u2019s horrible, knowing the depth of my own sin, to have to point it out in someone else. It\u2019s always something I don\u2019t want to see, it\u2019s always someone I don\u2019t want to see it in, and it\u2019s always a kind of crucifixion to say the words and hear the response. There are other times, though, when I toss the \u201csin!\u201d accusation off the cuff because I am a petty, small, vindictive person who is too prideful by half. Sometimes it feels like righteousness. It never is.<\/p>\n

Priests are given the job of helping people identify their sins. Apostles, disciples, and leaders of men are sometimes uniquely chosen to point out sin. The rest of us are usually supposed to worry about our own sin and love each other.<\/p>\n

My godparents, God bless their wonderful souls, have spent years giving shelter, sometimes inside their own home, to women in crisis pregnancies. They\u2019ve spent a small fortune doing for these women what no one else would. They\u2019ve made it their lives\u2019 work to help these women and their children, and no, not just until the baby is born but for as long as they need help. And they love them for much, much longer than that. They don\u2019t pull punches and they don\u2019t obscure truth, but their love and help don\u2019t come with conditions, either. They don\u2019t say, \u201cwe will help you if you will acknowledge the truth of Catholic teaching on sexual morality.\u201d They just say, \u201cwe will help you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Your love shouldn\u2019t come with a litmus test. If you can\u2019t imagine ever being friends with a gay person because you feel you would first have to explain in detail what you think about their lifestyle, you\u2019re doing love wrong. If you are friends with a married couple who only have one kid and you think it\u2019s your job to talk with them about contraception, you\u2019re doing love wrong. If you scream \u201cmurderer!\u201d at a lady going into an abortion clinic, you\u2019re doing love wrong. And if you kick a pregnant teenager out of your school, your church, or your life,\u00a0 you\u2019re doing love wrong<\/em>.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s impossible to write this post without acknowledging my obvious hypocrisy. Just writing this post probably makes me a self-righteous jackass who thinks it\u2019s okay to point out other people\u2019s sins because \u201clove.\u201d But I\u2019m writing it anyway, because I know from experience that when someone is mired in sin the only<\/em> thing that can pull them out is love. Active, messy, hands-on love that offers genuine, unconditional friendship instead of a catechism lesson. I\u2019m tired of seeing endless debates about \u201chow to love the sinners\u201d that end up being conversations about how to make it abundantly<\/em> clear that any effort to extend charity does not mitigate the gravity of the sinners\u2019 sins. Holy crap, people! That\u2019s not what God said to do! That commandment didn\u2019t go, \u201cEnsure that your neighbor understands they are sinning, then love them as yourself.\u201d If you really want to know how to love the sinner, it\u2019s not that hard. Just remember that you are one and shut up about their sins, already. Treat the sinners the way you want them to treat you, a sinner.<\/p>\n

And every once in a while, send someone a salad spinner for no reason other than love. They will be grateful. I promise.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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