Did you, like me, forget to thaw your turkey out until five minutes ago? No worries! Gizoogle to the rescue!<\/p>\n
Da Thursdizzle before Thanksgivin you supposed<\/em> ta take yo\u2019 turkey outta tha freezer n\u2019 allow it ta thaw slowly up in tha fridge. Rule of thumb say fo\u2019 every last mutha[redacted]<\/strong> four poundz of bird, allow one dizzle ta thaw up in tha refrigerator. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. But what tha [redacted]<\/strong> if it\u2019s 24 minutes before tha big-ass dizzle n\u2019 tha bird is still frozen solid, biatch? Whatever you do, DO NOT break up tha afro dryer, n\u2019 please, please do not even be thinkin bout wrappin it burrito-style up in a heatin blanket.<\/p>\n
What\u2019s tha quickest way ta thaw a turkey, biatch? In tha bathtub fo\u2019 realz.<\/p>\n
(Read tha rest Gizoogle steez here<\/a>, or if you want in plain, boring English, read it here<\/a>.)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Geez, Gizoogle! Next time tone the language down a tad so I don\u2019t have to redact you, m\u2019kay?<\/p>\n
Also! There\u2019s a turkey talk line! Apparently this is a famous, well-known entity, and it probably could have helped a lot that time I served a raw turkey. Don\u2019t be like me. Call the hotline<\/a>.<\/p>\n
Happy cooking, happy feasting! Remember that this is the day when we celebrate the destruction of our country\u2019s indigenous people!<\/p>\n